« Now I declare to all mankind, I should be ready to "sacrifice my own concerns to his quiet; but the "care of his interest, and that of the honest trades"men that are embarked with us, keeps me from "entering into this composition. What shall become "of those poor creatures? The thoughts of their im"pending ruin disturbs my night's rest, therefore I "desire they may speak for themselves. If they are "willing to give up this affair, I shan't make two "words of it".

John Bull begged him to lay aside that immoderate concern for him; and withal put him in mind, that the interest of those tradesmen had not sat quite so heavy upon him some years ago, on a like occasion. Nic, answered little to that, but immediately pulled out a boatswain's whistle. Upon the first whiff, the tradesmen came jumping into the room, and began to surround Lewis, like so many yelping curs about a great boar; or, to use a modester simile, like duns at a great lord's levee the morning he goes into the country. One pulled him by his sleeve, another by the skirt, a third hollaed in his ear: they began to ask him for all that had been taken from their forefathers by stealth, fraud, force, or lawful purchase; some asked for manors, others for acres, that lay convenient for them that he would pull down his fences, level his ditches all agreed in one common demand, that he should be purged, sweated, vomited, and starved, till he came to a sizeable bulk, like that of his neighbours: one modestly asked him leave to call him brother; Nic. Frog demanded two things, to be his porter and his fishmonger, to keep the keys of his

gates, and furnish the kitchen. John's sister Peg only desired, that he would let his servants sing psalmsa sundays. Some descended even to the asking of old clothes, shoes, and boots, broken bottles, tobacco-pipes, and ends of candles.

"Monsieur Bull," quoth Lewis, "you seem to be a "man of some breeding: for God's sake, use your in"terest with these messieurs, that they would speak "but one at once; for if one had a hundred pair of "hands, and as many tongues, he cannot satisfy them "all at this rate." John begged they might proceed with some method: then they stopped all of a sudden, and would not say a word. "If this be your play," quoth John," that we may not be like a quaker's "dumb meeting, let us begin some diversion? what "d'ye think of rolly pooly, or a country dance? "What if we should have a match at football; I << am sure we shall never end matters at this rate."

CHAP. XVI.

How John Bull and Nic. Frog settled their accompts. J. BULL.

DURING this general cessation of talk, what if you and I, Nic., should inquire how money-matters stand between us?

NIC. FROG. With all my heart, I love exact dealing; and let Hocus audit; he knows how the money was disbursed.

J. BULL.

J. BULL. I am not much for that, at present; we'll settle it between ourselves: fair and square, Nic., keeps friends together. There have been laid out in this lawsuit, at one time, 36000 pounds and 40000 crowns: in some cases I, in others you, bear the greatest proportion.

Nic. Right: I pay three fifths of the greatest number, and you pay two-thirds of the lesser number; I think this is fair and square, as you call it.

JOHN. Well, go on.

NIC. Two thirds of 36000 pounds are 24000 pounds for your share, and there remains 12000 for mine. Again, of the 40000 crowns I pay 24000, which is three fifths, and you pay only 16000, which is two fifths; 24000 crowns make 6000 pounds; and 16000 crowns make 4000 pounds; 12000 and 6000 make 18000; 24000 and 4000 make 28000. So there are 18000 pounds to my share of the expenses, and 280co to yours.

[After Nic had bamboozled John awhile about the 18000 and the 28000, John called for counters; but what with slight of hand, and taking from his own score and adding to John's, Nic. brought the balance always on his own side.]

J. BULL. Nay, good friend Nic., though I am not quite so nimble in the fingers, I understand ciphering as well as you. I will produce you my accompts one by one, fairly writ out of my own books: and here I begin with the first. You must excuse me, if I don't pronounce the law terms right.

[John reads.]

For the expenses ordinary of the suits, fees, to judges, puisne judges, lawyers innumerable of all

sorts.

Of Extraordinaries, as follows per accompt.

To esquire South's accompt for Post terminums
To ditto for Non est factums

To ditto for Noli prosequis, Discontinuance, and
Retraxit

For Writs of errour

Suits of Conditions unperformed

To Hocus for Dedimus potestatem
To ditto for a Capias ad computandum

To Frog's new tenants per accompt to Hocus, for
Audita querelas

On the said account for Writs of ejectment and Distringas

To esquire South's quota for a return of a Non est invent. and Nulla habet bona

To- for a pardon in forma pauperis

To Jack for a Melius inquirendum upon a Felo de

se

To coach-hire

For treats to juries and witnesses

John having read over his articles, with the respective sums, brought in Frog debtor to him upon 3382 12 00

the balance

Then Nic. Frog pulled his bill out of his pocket, and began to read:

Nicholas

Nicholas Frog's account.

Remains to be deducted out of the former account.

Paid by Nic. Frog, for his share of the ordinary expenses of the suit

To Hocus for entries of a Rege inconsulto

To John Bull's nephew for a Venire facias, the money not yet all laid out

The coach-hire for my wife and family, and the carriage of my goods during the time of this law

suit

For the extraordinary expenses of feeding my family during this lawsuit

To major Ab.

To major Will.

And summing all up, found due upon the balance by John Bull to Nic. Frog

09 04 06

J. BULL. As for your Venire facias, I have paid you for one already; in the other I believe you will be nonsuited. I'll take care of my nephew myself. Your coach-hire and family charges are most unreaşonable deductions; at that rate, I can bring in any man in the world my debtor. But who the devil are those two majors, that consume all my money? I find they always run away with the balance in all accompts.

NIC. FROG. Two very honest gentlemen, I assure you, that have done me some service. To tell you plainly, major Ab. denotes thy greater ability, and major Will. thy greater willingness to carry on this lawsuit. It was but reasonable that thou shouldst pay both for thy power and thy positiveness.

J. BULL.