CHAP. XIV.

The conference between don Diego and John Bull.

DURING the time of the foregoing transactions, don Diego was entertaining John Bull.

D. DIEGO. I hope, sir, this day's proceeding will convince you of the sincerity of your old friend Diego and the treachery of sir Roger.

J. BULL. What's the matter now?

D. DIEGO. You have been endeavouring, for several years, to have justice done upon that rogue Jack; but what through the remissness of constables, justices, and packed juries, he has always found the

means to escape.

J. BULL. What then?

D. DIEGO. Consider then, who is your best friend; he that would have brought him to condign punishment, or he that has saved him. By my persuasion Jack had hanged himself, if sir Roger had not cut him down.

J. BULL. Who told you, that sir Roger has

done so ?

D. DIEGO. You seem to receive me coldly: methinks my services deserve a better return.

J. BULL. Since you value yourself upon hanging this poor scoundrel, I tell you, when I have any more hanging-work, I'll send for thee: I have some better employment for sir Roger: In the mean time, I desire the poor fellow may be looked after. When he first came out of the north country into my family, under the pretended name of Timothy Trim,

the

the fellow seemed to mind his loom and his spinningwheel, till somebody turned his head; then he grew so pragmatical, that he took upon him the government of my whole family. I could never order any thing within or without doors, but he must be always giving his counsel, forsooth, nevertheless, tell him I will forgive what is past; and if he would mind his business for the future, and not meddie out of his own sphere, he will find, that John Bull is not of a cruel disposition.

D. DIEGO. Yet all your skilful physicians say, that nothing can recover your mother, but a piece of Jack's liver boiled in her soup.

J. BULL. Those are quacks: my mother abhors such cannibal's food: she is in perfect health at present: I would have given many a good pound to have had her so well some time ago. deed two or three old troublesome

There are innurses *, that, because they believe I am tender-hearted, will never let me have a quiet night's rest with knocking me up: “Oh, sir, your mother is taken extremely ill! "she is fallen into a fainting fit! she has a great "emptiness, wants sustenance !" This is only to recommend themselves for their great care: John Bull, as simple as he is, understands a little of a pulse.

New clamours about the danger of the church.

VOL. XVII.

R

CHAP.

CHAP. XV.

The sequel of the meeting at the Salutation *. WHERE I think I left John Bull, sitting between Nic. Frog and Lewis Baboon, with his arms a kimbo, in great concern to keep Lewis and Nic. asunder. As watchful as he was, Nic. found the means now and then to steal a whisper, and by a cleanly conveyance under the table to slip a short note into Lewis's hand; which Lewis as slily put into John's pocket, with a pinch or a jog, to warn him what he was about. John had the curiosity to retire into a corner to peruse these billets doux † of Nic.'s; wherein he found, that Nic. had used great freedoms both with his interest and reputation. One contained these words: "Dear Lewis, thou seest clearly, that this blockhead "can never bring his matters to bear: let thee and “me talk to-night by ourselves at the Rose, and I'll

give thee satisfaction." Another was thus expressed; "Friend Lewis, Has thy sense quite forsaken thee, "to make Bull such offers? Hold fast, part with nothing, and I will give thee a better bargain I'll "warrant thee."

In some of his billets he told Lewis, "That John "Bull was under his guardianship; that the best part "of his servants were at his command; that he could "have John gagged and bound whenever he pleased

* At the congress of Utrecht.

+ Some offers of the Dutch at that time, in order to get the negotiation into their hands.

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k by the people of his own family." In all these epistles, blockhead, dunce, ass, coxcomb, were the best epithets he gave poor John. In others he threatened *, “That he, esquire South, and the rest of "the tradesmen, would lay Lewis down upon his "back and beat out his teeth, if he did not retire "immediately, and break up the meeting."

I fancy I need not tell my reader, that John often changed colour as he read, and that his fingers itched to give Nic. a good slap on the chops; but he wisely moderated his cholerick temper. "I saved this fel"low," quoth he, "from the gallows, when he ran away from his last master †, because I thought he was harshly treated; but the rogue was no sooner "safe under my protection, than he began to lie, pilfer, and steal like the devil. When I first set "him up in a warm house, he had hardly put up his

sign, when he began to debauch my best custome:s "from me. Then it was his constant practice to "rob my fish-ponds, not only to feed his family, "but to trade with the fishmongers: 1 connived at "the fellow, till he began to tell me, that they were "his as much as mine. In my manor of Eastcheap ‡, "because it lay at some distance from my constant

inspection, he broke down my fences, robbed my "orchards, and beat my servants. When I used to "reprimand him for his tricks, he would talk saucily, "lie, and brazen it out as if he had done nothing

Threatening that the allies would carry on the war, without the help of the English.

The king of Spain, whose yoke the Dutch threw off with the assistance of the English.

111 Complaints against the Dutch for encroachment in trade, fishery, East-Indies, &c. The war with the Dutch on these ac

counts.

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"ami s.

"amiss. Will nothing cure thee of thy pranks, Nic.? "quoth I, I shall be forced some time or other to "chastise thee. The rogue got up his cane, and "threatened me, and was well thwacked for his pains. "But I think his behaviour at this time worst of all; "after I have almost drowned myself to keep his head "above water, he would leave me sticking in the "mud, trusting to his goodness to help me out. After "I have beggared myself with his troublesome law"suit, with a pox to him, he takes it in mighty dudgeon, because I have brought him here to end "matters amicably, and because I won't let him "make me over by deed and indenture as his lawful

cully; which to my certain knowledge he has at"tempted several times. But, after all, canst thou gather grapes from thorns? Nic. does not pretend "to be a gentleman; he is a tradesman, a self-seeking "wretch; but how camest thou to bear all this,

John? The reason is plain; thou conferrest the "benefits, and he receives them; the first produces "love, and the last ingratitude. Ah! Nic. Nic. thou "art a damn'd dog, that's certain; thou knowest too well, that I will take care of thee; else thou wouldst "not use me thus. I won't give thee up, it is true; "but as true as it is, thou shalt not sell me, according to thy laudable custom." While John was deep in this soliloquy, Nic. broke out into the following pro

testation.

GENTLEMEN,

"I believe every body here present will allow me "to be a very just and disinterested person. My "friend John Bull here is very angry with me, forsooth, because I won't agree to his foolish bargains.

Now