CHAP. XIII. How Jack banged himself up by the persuasion of his friends, who broke their words, and left his neck in the noose. JACK was a professed enemy to implicit faith, and yet I dare say, it was never more strongly exerted, nor more basely abused, than upon this occasion. He was now with his old friends, in the state of a poor disbanded officer after a peace, or rather a wounded soldier after a battle; like an old favourite of a cunning minister after the job is over or a decayed beauty to a cloyed lover in quest of new game; or like a hundred such things, that one sees every day. There were new intrigues, new views, new projects on foot; Jack's life was the purchase of Diego's friendship, much good may it do them. The interest of Hocus and sir William Crawley, which was now more at heart, made this operation upon poor Jack absolutely necessary. You may easily guess, that his rest that night was but small, and much disturbed; however, the remaining part of his time he did not employ (as his custom was formerly) in prayer, meditation, or singing a double verse of a psalm; but amused himself with disposing of his bank-stock. Many a doubt, many a qualm, overspread his clouded imagination: "Must I then," quoth he, "hang up * The earl of Nottingham made the concurrence of the whigs to bring in and carry this bill one of the conditions of his engaging in their cause. "my my own personal, natural, individual self, with these "two hands? Durus sermo! What if I should be "cut down, as my friends tell me? There is some thing infamous in the very attempt; the world will "conclude, I had a guilty conscience. Is it possible "that good man, sir Roger, can have so much pity upon an unfortunate scoundrel, that has persecuted "him so many years? No, it cannot be; I don't "love favours that pass through don Diego's hands. "On the other side, my blood chills about my heart "at the thought of these rogues, with their bloody "hands grabbling in my guts, and pulling out my very "entrails: hang it, for once I'll trust my friends." So Jack resolved; but he had done more wisely to have put himself upon the trial of his country, and made his defence in form; many things happen between the cup and the lip; witnesses might have been bribed, juries managed, or prosecution stopped. But so it was, Jack for this time had a sufficient stock of implicit faith, which led him to his ruin, as the sequel of the story shows. And now the fatal day was come, in which he was to try this hanging experiment. His friends did not fail him at the appointed hour to see it put in practice. Habbakkuk brought him a smooth, strong, tough rope, made of many a ply of wholesome Scandinavian hemp, compactly twisted together, with a noose that slipt as glib as a birdcatcher's gin. Jack shrunk and grew pale at first sight of it, he handled it, measured it, stretched it, fixed it against the iron bar of the window to try its strength; but no familiarity could reconcile him to it. He found fault with the length, the thickness, and the twist; nay, the very colour did not please him. "Will nothing less than hang ing serve?" quoth Jack. "Won't my enemies take bail for my good behaviour? Will they accept of "a fine, or be satisfied with the pillory and impri"sonment, a good round whipping, or burning in "the cheek? HAB. Nothing but your blood will appease their rage; make haste, else we shall be discovered. There's nothing like surprising the rogues: how they will be disappointed, when they hear that thou hast prevented their revenge, and hanged thine own self? JACK. That's true; but what if I should do it in effigies? Is there never an old pope or pretender to hang up in my stead? we are not so unlike, but it may pass. HAB. That can never be put upon sir Roger. JACK. Are you sure he is in the next room? Have you provided a very sharp knife, in case of the worst. HAB. Dost take me for a common liar? be satisfied, no damage can happen to your person; your friends will take care of that. JACK. Mayn't I quilt my rope? it galls my neck. strangely besides, I don't like this running knot, it holds too tight; I may be stifled all of a sudden. HAB. Thou hast so many ifs and ands; prithee dispatch; it might have been over before this time. JACK. But now I think on't, I would fain settle some affairs, for fear of the worst: have a little patience. HAB. There's no having patience, thou art such a faintling, silly creature. JACK. O thou most detestable, abominable passive obedience did I ever imagine, I should become thy votary votary in so pregnant an instance? How will my brother Martin laugh at this story, to see himself outdone in his own calling? He has taken the doctrine, and left me the practice. No sooner had he uttered these words, but like a man of true courage, he tied the fatal cord to the beam, fitted the noose, and mounted upon the bottom of a tub, the inside of which he had often graced in his prosperous days. This footstool Habbakkuk kicked away, and left poor Jack swinging, like the pendulum of Paul's clock. The fatal noose performed its office, and with the most strict ligature squeezed the blood into his face, till it assumed a purple dye. While the poor man heaved from the very bottom of his belly for breath, Habbakkuk walked with great deliberation into both the upper and lower room to acquaint his friends, who received the news with great temper, and with jeers and scoffs, instead of pity. Jack has hanged himself!" quoth they, "let us go "and see how the poor rogue swings." Then they called sir Roger. "Sir Roger," quoth Habbakkuk, "Jack has hanged himself; make haste and cut him "down." Sir Roger turned first one ear, and then t'other, not understanding what he said. HAB. I tell you, Jack has hanged himself up. HAB. Jack. Sir ROGER. I thought this had not been hanging day. HAB. But the poor fellow has hanged himself. Sir ROGER. Then let him hang; I don't wonder at it, the fellow has been mad these twenty years. With this he slunk away. Then Jack's friends began to hunch and push one another. "Not I," quoth another. Why don't you go, and cut the poor "fellow down? Why don't you? And why don't you?" "Not I," quoth one; another; "Not I," quoth a third; "doomsday before I relieve him." "he may hang 'till Nay, it is credi bly reported, that they were so far from succouring their poor friend in this his dismal circumstance, that Ptschirnsooker and several of his companions went in and pulled him by the legs, and thumped him on the breast. Then they began to rail at him for the very thing, which they had advised and justified before, viz. his getting into the old gentlewoman's family, and putting on her livery. The keeper, who performed the last office, coming up, found Jack swinging with no life in him; he took down the body gently, and laid it on a bulk, and brought out the rope to the company. "This, gentlemen, is the rope that hanged Jack: what must be done with "it" Upon which they ordered it to be laid among the curiosities of Gresham College*, and it is called Jack's rope to this very day. However, Jack after all had some small tokens of life in him, but lies at this time past hope of a total recovery, with his head hanging on one shoulder, without speech or motion. The coroner's inquest supposing him to be dead, brought him in Non Compos. Since removed with the Royal Society into Crane court, in Fleet street. CHAP. |