THE PUBLISHER'S PREFACE.

THE world is much indebted to the famous sir Humphry Polesworth for his ingenious and impartial account of John Bull's lawsuit; yet there is just cause of complaint against him, in that he related only by parcels, and won't give us the whole work: this forces me, who am only the publisher, to bespeak the assistance of his friends and acquaintance, to engage him to lay aside that stingy humour, and gratify the curiosity of the public at once. He pleads in excuse, that they are only private memoirs, written for his own use, in a loose style, to serve as a help to his ordinary conversation *. I represented to him the good reception the First Part had met with; that though calculated only for the meridian of Grub-street, it was yet taken notice of by the

* This excuse of sir Humphry can only relate to the Second Part, or sequel of the history. See the Preface to the First Part.

better

better sort; that the world was now sufficiently acquainted with John Bull, and interested itself in his concerns. He answered, with a smile, that he had indeed some trifling things to impart, that concerned John Bull's relations and domestic affairs; if these would satisfy me, he gave me free leave to make use of them, because they would serve to make the history of the lawsuit more intelligible. looked over the manuscript, I found farther account of the composition, which perhaps may not be unacceptable to such as have read the former part.

When I had likewise some

CHAP. I.

The character of John Bull's mother *.

JOHN had a mother, whom he loved and honoured

extremely, a discreet, grave, sober, good conditioned, cleanly old gentlewoman as ever lived; she was none of your crossgrained, termagant, scolding jades, that one had as good be hanged as live in the house with, such as are always censuring the conduct, and telling scandalous stories of their neighbours, extolling their own good qualities, and undervaluing those of others. On the contrary, she was of a meek spirit, and as she was strictly virtuous herself, so she always put the best construction upon the words and actions of her neighbours, except where they were irreconcilable

The church of England.

to

to the rules of honesty and decency. She was neither one of your precise prudes, nor one of your fantastical old belles, that dress themselves like girls of fifteen : as she neither wore a ruff, forehead cloth, nor high crowned hat, so she had laid aside feathers, flowers, and crimped ribands, in her headdress, furbelow-scarfs, and hoop-petticoats. She scorned to patch and paint, yet she loved to keep her hands and her face clean. Though she wore no flaunting laced ruffles, she would not keep herself in a constant sweat with greasy flannel: though her hair was not stuck with jewels, she was not ashamed of a diamond cross; she was not like some ladies, hung about with toys and trinkets, tweezer-cases, pocket glasses, and essence bottles; she used only a gold watch and an almanack, to mark the hours and the holidays.

Her furniture was neat and genteel, well fancied with a bon goust. As she affected not the grandeur of a state with a canopy, she thought there was no offence in an elbowchair; she had laid aside your carving, gilding, and japanwork, as being too apt to gather dirt; but she never could be prevailed upon to part with plain wainscot and clean hangings. There are some ladies, that affect to smell a stink in every thing; they are always highly perfumed, and continually burning frankincense in their rooms; she was above such affectation, yet she never would lay aside the use of brooms and scrubbing-brushes, and scrupled not to lay her linen in fresh lavender.

She was no less genteel in her behaviour, wellbred, without affectation, in the due mean between one of your affected curt'sying pieces of formality, and your romps that have no regard to the common rules of civility. There are some ladies that affect a

mighty

mighty regard for their relations; We must not cat to-day, for my uncle Tom, or my cousin Betty, died this time ten years: Let's have a ball to-night, it is my neighbour such-a-one's birthday; She looked upon all this as grimace; yet she constantly observed her husband's birthday, her weddingday, and some few

more.

Though she was a truly good woman, and had a sincere motherly love for her son John, yet there wanted not those who endeavoured to create a misunderstanding between them, and they had so far prevailed with him once, that he turned her out of doors, to his great sorrow, as he found afterward, for his affairs went on at sixes and sevens.

She was no less judicious in the turn of her conversation and choice of her studies, in which she far exceeded all her sex: your rakes that hate the company of all sober, grave gentlewomen, would bear hers and she would, by her handsome manner of proceeding, sooner reclaim them than some that were more sour and reserved: she was a zealous preacher

up

of chastity, and conjugal fidelity in wives, and by no means a friend to the new-fangled doctrine of the indispensable duty of cuckoldom: though she advanced her opinions with a becoming assurance, yet she never ushered them in, as some positive creatures will do, with dogmatical assertions, This is infallible; I cannot be mistaken; none but a rogue can deny it. It has been observed that such people are oftener in the wrong than any body.

Though she had a thousand good qualities, she was not without her faults; among which, one might

In the rebellion of 1641.

per

perhaps reckon too great lenity to her servants, to whom she always gave good counsel, but often too gentle correction. I thought I could not say less of John Bull's mother, because she bears a part in the following transactions.

CHAP. II.

The character of John Bull's sister Peg, with the quarrels that happened between master and miss in their childhood.

JOHN had a sister, a poor girl that had been

starved at nurse; any body would have guessed miss to have been bred up under the influence of a cruel step-dame, and John to be the fondling of a tender mother. John looked ruddy and plump, with a pair of cheeks like a trumpeter; miss looked pale and wan, as if she had the green-sickness and no wonder, for John was the darling, he had all the good bits, was crammed with good pullet, chicken, pig, goose, and capon, while miss had only a little oatmeal and water, or a dry crust without butter. John had his golden pippins, peaches, and nectarines; poor miss a crab apple, sloe, or a blackberry. Master lay in the best apartment, with his bedchamber toward the south sun. Miss lodged in a garret, exposed to the north wind, which shrivelled her countenance; however, this usage, though it stunted the girl in her growth, gave her a hardy constitution; she had life

The nation and church of Scotland.

and