CHAP. IV.

How Bull and Frog went to law with lord Strutt about the premises, and were joined by the rest of the tradesmen.

*

ALL endeavours of accommodation between lord Strutt and his drapers proved vain; jealousies increased, and indeed it was rumoured abroad, that lord Strutt had bespoke his new liveries of old Lewis Baboon. This coming to Mrs. Bull's ears, when John Bull came home, he found all his family in an uproar. Mrs. Bull, you must know, was very apt to be cholerick. "You sot," says she, "you loiter about "alehouses and taverns, spend your time at billiards, "ninepins, or puppet-shows, or flaunt about the "streets in your new gilt chariot, never minding me "nor your numerous family. Don't you hear how "lord Strutt has bespoke his liveries at Lewis Ba"boon's shop? Don't you see how that old fox steals

away your customers, and turns you out of your "business every day, and you sit like an idle drone "with your hands in your pockets? Fie upon it! up "man, rouse thyself; I'll sell to my shift, before I'll "be so used by that knave." You must think Mrs. Bull had been pretty well tuned up by Frog, who chimed in with her learned harangue. No farther delay now, but to council learned in the law they go,

the parliament precipitated into the war as a principal. Among her allies were

who

who unanimously assured them both of the justice and infallible success of their lawsuit.

I told you before, that old Lewis Baboon was a sort of a Jack of all trades, which made the rest of the tradesmen jealous, as well as Bull and Frog; they hearing of the quarrel, were glad of an opportunity of joining against old Lewis Baboon, provided that Bull and Frog would bear the charges of the suit; even lying Ned, the chimney-sweeper of Savoy *, and Tom, the Portugal dustmant, put in their claims; and the cause was put into the hands of Humphry Hocus the attorney .

A declaration was drawn up to show "That Bull "and Frog had undoubted right by prescription to be

drapers to the lord Strutts; that there were seve"ral old contracts to that purpose; that Lewis Ba"boon had taken up the trade of clothier and draper, "without serving his time or purchasing his freedom; "that he sold goods that were not marketable, with"out the stamp; that he himself was more fit for a "bully than a tradesman, and went about through all "the country fairs, challenging people to fight prizes, wrestling, and cudgel-play;" and abundance more to this purpose.

the duke of Savoy and

† the king of Portugal; and

John Churchill, duke of Marlborough, was appointed general in chief of the confederate army.

CHAP.

CHAP. V.

The true characters of John Bull, Nic. Frog, and Hocus.

FOR the better understanding the following history, the reader ought to know, that Bull, in the main, was an honest plain-dealing fellow, cholerick, bold, and of a very unconstant temper; he dreaded not old Lewis, either at back-sword, single falchion, or cudgel-play; but then he was very apt to quarrel with his best friends, especially if they pretended to govern him: if you flattered him, you might lead him like a child. John's temper depended very much upon the air; his spirits rose and fell with the weather-glass. John was quick, and understood his business very well; but no man alive was more careless in looking into his accounts, or more cheated by partners, apprentices, and servants. This was occasioned by his being a boon companion, loving his bottle and his diversion; for, to say truth, no man kept a better house than John, nor spent his money more generously. By plain and fair dealing, John had acquired some plums, and might have kept them, had it not been for his unhappy lawsuit.

Nic. Frog was a cunning, sly whoreson, quite the reverse of John in many particulars; covetous, frugal; minded domestic affairs; would pinch his belly to save his pocket; never lost a farthing by careless servants, or bad debtors. He did not care much for any sort of diversions, except tricks of High German artists, and leger-de-main: no man exceeded Nic. in

these ;

these; yet it must be owned, that Nic. was a fair dealer, and in that way acquired immense riches.

Hocus was an old cunning attorney; and though this was the first considerable suit that ever he was engaged in, he showed himself superiour in his address to most of his profession; he kept always good clerks, he loved money, was smooth-tongued, gave good words, and seldom lost his temper: he was not worse than an infidel, for he provided plentifully for his family; but he loved himself better than them all; the neighbours reported, that he was henpecked; which was impossible by such a mild-spirited woman as his wife was.

CHAP. VI.

Of the various success of the lawsuit.

LAW is a bottomless pit: it is a cormorant, a harpy, that devours every thing. John Bull was flattered by the lawyers, that his suit would not last above a year or two at most; that before that time he would be in quiet possession of his business: yet ten long years did Hocus steer his cause through all the meanders of the law, and all the courts. No skill, no address was wanting; and, to say truth, John did not starve his cause: there wanted not yellow-boys to fee counsel, hire witnesses, and bribe juries: lord Strutt was generally cast, never had one verdict in his favour; and John was promised that the next, and the next, would be the final determina

tion *:

tion*: but alas! that final determination and happy conclusion was like an enchanted island, the nearer John came to it, the farther it went from him: new trials upon new points still arose; new doubts, new matters to be cleared; in short, lawyers seldom part with so good a cause, till they have got the oyster, and their clients the shell. John's ready money, book-debts, bonds, mortgages, all went into the lawyers pockets: then John began to borrow money upon Bank-stock and East-India bonds: now and then a farm went to pot: at last it was thought a good expedient to set up esquire South's title, to prove the will forged, and disposess Philip lord Strutt at once †. Here again was a new field for the lawyers, and the cause grew more intricate than ever. John grew madder and madder; wherever he met any of lord Strutt's servants, he tore off their clothes: now and then you would see them come home naked, without shoes, stockings, and linen. As for old Lewis Baboon, he was reduced to his last shift, though he had as many as any other: his children were reduced from rich silks to Doily stuffs, his servants in. rags, and bare-footed: instead of good victuals, they now lived upon neck-beef, and bullock's liver: in short, nobody got much by the matter, but the men of law.

* The war was carried on against France and Spain with great success, and a peace might have been concluded upon the principles of the alliance; but a partition of the Spanish dominions in favour of the house of Austria, and an engagement that the same person should never be king of France and Spain, were not now thought sufficient.

It was insisted, that the will in favour of Philip was contrary to treaty; and there was a parliamentary declaration for continuing the war, till he should be dethroned.

CHAP.