Having heard some rumours respecting the strange and awful visitation under which Lord H-nl-y has for some time past been suffering, in consequence of his declared hostility to "anthems, Bolos, duets 1," &c., I took the liberty of making inquiries at his Lordship's house this morning, and lose no time in transmitting to you such particulars as I could collect. It is said that the screams of his Lordship, under the operation of this nightly concert, (which is, no doubt, some trick of the Radicals.) may be heard all over the neighbourhood. The female who personates St. Cecilia is supposed to be the same that, last year, appeared in the character of Isis, at the Rotunda. How the cherubs are managed, I have not yet ascertained. Yours, &c.

And was punish'd, like H-nl-y, for his pains. But worse on the modern judge, alas! Is the sentence launch'd from Apollo's throne; For Midas was given the ears of an ass, While H-nl-y is doom'd to keep his own!

ADVERTISEMENT."

MISSING or lost, last Sunday night,

1830.

A Waterloo coin, whereon was trac'd The' inscription, "Courage!" in letters bright, Though a little by rust of years defac'd.

The metal thereof is rough and hard,

And ('tis thought of late) mix'd up with brass; But it bears the stamp of Fame's award, And through all Posterity's hands will pass.

How it was lost, God only knows,

But certain City thieves they say, Broke in on the owner's evening doze, And filch'd this "gift of gods" away!

One ne'er could, of course, the Cits suspect, If we hadn't, that evening, chanc'd to see, At the robb'd man's door, a Mare elect, With an ass to keep her company.

Whosoe'er of this lost treasure knows,
Is begg'd to state all facts about it,
As the owner can't well face his foes,
Nor even his friends, just now, without it.

And if Sir Clod will bring it back,

Like a trusty Baronet, wise and able, He shall have a ride on the whitest hack That's left in old King George's stable.

then Prime Minister, acting under the inspirations of Sir Cl-d-s H-nt-r and other City worthies, advised his Majesty to give up his announced intention of dining with the Lord Mayor.

4 Among other remarkable attributes by which Sir Cl-d-s distinguished himself, the dazzling whiteness of his favourite steed was not the least conspicuous.

MISSING.

Carlton Terrace, 1832.

So as to 'scape all tell-tale letters
'Bout B-s-d, and such abettors,-
The only "wretches" for whose aid
Letters seem not to have been made.

4

WHEREAS, Lord ****** de ******
Left his home last Saturday,

And, though inquir'd for, round and round,
Through certain purlieus, can't be found;
And whereas, none can solve our queries
As to where this virtuous Peer is
Notice is hereby given that all
May forthwith to inquiring fall,
As, once the thing's well set about,
No doubt but we shall hunt him out.

His Lordship's mind, of late, they say,
Hath been in an uneasy way
Himself and colleagues not being let
To climb into the Cabinet,
To settle England's state affairs,
Hath much, it seems, unsettled theirs ;
And chief to this stray Plenipo
Hath been a most distressing blow.
Already,-certain to receive a
Well-paid mission to the Neva,
And be the bearer of kind words
To tyrant Nick from Tory Lords, —
To fit himself for free discussion,
His Lordship had been learning Russian;
And all so natural to him were
The accents of the Northern bear,

That, while his tones were in your ear, you
Might swear you were in sweet Siberia.
And still, poor Peer, to old and young,
He goes on raving in that tongue;
Tells you how much you would enjoy a
Trip to Dalnodoubrowskoya;'
Talks of such places, by the score, on
As Oulisfflirmchinagoboron,

And swears (for he at nothing sticks)
That Russia swarms with Raskol-niks,
Though one such Nick, God knows, must be
A more than ample quantity.

THE DANCE OF BISHOPS;

OR, THE EPISCOPAL QUADRILLE.

A DREAM.

1933.

"Solemn dances were, on great festivals and celebrations, admitted among the primitive Christians, in which even the Bishops||||| and dignified Clergy were performers. Scaliger says, that the first Bishops were called Præsules 6, for no other reason than that they led off these dances."— Cyclopædia, art. Dances. I'VE had such a dream-a frightful dreamThough funny, mayhap, to wags 'twill seem, By all who regard the Church, like us, "Twill be thought exceedingly ominous!

As reading in bed I lay last night-
Which (being insured) is my delight-
I happen'd to doze off just as I got to
The singular fact which forms my motto.
Only think, thought I, as I doz'd away,
Of a party of Churchmen dancing the hay!
Clerks, curates, and rectors, capering all,
With a neat-legg'd Bishop to open the ball!

Scarce had my eyelids time to close
When the scene I had fancied before me rose-
An Episcopal Hop, on a scale so grand
As my dazzled eyes could hardly stand.
For, Britain and Erin clubb'd their Sees
To make it a Dance of Dignities,
And I saw- -oh brightest of Church events!
A quadrille of the two Establishments,
Bishop to Bishop vis-à-vis,
Footing away prodigiously.

There was Bristol capering up to Derry,
And Cork with London making merry;
While huge Llandaff, with a See, so so,
Was to dear old Dublin pointing his toe.
There was Chester, hatch'd by woman's smile,
Performing a chaîne des Dames in style;
While he who, whene'er the Lords' House dozes,
Can waken them up by citing Moses,'
The portly Tuam was all in a hurry
To set, en avant, to Canterbury.

Meantime, while pamphlets stuff'd his pockets, (All out of date, like spent sky-rockets,)

5 Written on the passing of the memorable Bill, in the year 1933, for the abolition of ten Irish Bishoprics.

6 Literally, First Dancers.

7" And what does Moses say?"- One of the ejaculations with which this eminent prelate enlivened his famous speech on the Catholic question.

Our Exeter stood forth to caper,

As high on the floor as he doth on paper-
Much like a dapper Dancing Dervise,
Who pirouettes his whole church-service —
Performing, 'midst those reverend souls,
Such entrechats, such cabrioles,

Such balonnés', such-rigmaroles,

Now high, now low, now this, now that,

That none could guess, what the devil he'd be at;
Though, watching his various steps, some thought
That a step in the Church was all he sought.

But alas, alas! while thus so gay,
These reverend dancers frisk'd away,
Nor Paul himself (not the saint, but he
Of the Opera-house) could brisker be,
There gather'd a gloom around their glee-
A shadow, which came and went so fast,

That ere one could say, ""Tis there," 'twas past
And, lo, when the scene again was clear'd,
Ten of the dancers had disappear'd!
Ten able-bodied quadrillers swept
From the hallow'd floor where late they stept,
While twelve was all that footed it still,
On the Irish side of that grand Quadrille!

Nor this the worst:- still danc'd they on,
But the pomp was sadden'd, the smile was gone;
And again, from time to time, the same
Ill-omen'd darkness round them came-
While still, as the light broke out anew,
Their ranks look'd less by a dozen or two;
Till ah! at last there were only found
Just Bishops enough for a four-hands-round;
And when I awoke, impatient getting,
I left the last holy pair poussetting!

N. B. As ladies in years, it seems,
Have the happiest knack at solving dreams,
I shall leave to my ancient feminine friends
Of the Standard to say what this portends.

DICK

A CHARACTER.

Or various scraps and fragments built,
Borrow'd alike from fools and wits,
Dick's mind was like a patchwork quilt,
Made up of new, old, motley bits-

A description of the method of executing this step may be useful to future performers in the same line: "Ce pas est composé de deux mouvemens différens, savoir, plier, et sauter sur un pied, et se rejeter sur l'autre.”—Dictionnaire de Danse, art. Contretemps.

2"He objected to the maintenance and education of a clergy bound by the particular vows of celibacy, which, as it were, gave them the church as their only family, making it fill the places of father and

ST. S-NCL-R rose and declar'd in sooth,
That he wouldn't give sixpence to Maynooth.
He had hated priests the whole of his life,
For a priest was a man who had no wife,"
And, having no wife, the Church was his mother,
The Church was his father, sister, and brother.
This being the case, he was sorry to say,
That a gulf 'twixt Papist and Protestant lay,
So deep and wide, scarce possible was it
To say even "how d'ye do?" across it:
And though your Liberals, nimble as fleas,
Could clear such gulfs with perfect ease,
"Twas a jump that nought on earth could make
Your proper, heavy-built Christian take.
No, no,-if a Dance of Sects must be,
He would set to the Baptist willingly,
At the Independent deign to smirk,
And rigadoon with old Mother Kirk;
Nay even, for once, if needs must be,
He'd take hands round with all the three;
But, as to a jig with Popery, no,-
To the Harlot ne'er would he point his toe.

mother and brother."-Debate on the Grant to Maynooth College, The Times, April 19.

3 "It had always appeared to him that between the Catholic and Protestant a great gulj intervened, which rendered it impossible,"

&c.

4 "The Baptist might acceptably extend the offices of religion to the Presbyterian and the Independent, or the member of the Church of England to any of the other three; but the Catholic," &c.

St. M--n-d-v-le was the next that rose,-
A Saint, who round, as pedlar, goes,
With his pack of piety and prose,
Heavy and hot enough, God knows,-
And he said that Papists were much inclin'd
To extirpate all of Protestant kind,
Which he couldn't, in truth, so much condemn,
Having rather a wish to extirpate them;
That is, to guard against mistake, —
To extirpate them for their doctrine's sake;
A distinction Churchmen always make,-
Insomuch that, when they've prime control,
Though sometimes roasting heretics whole,
They but cook the body for sake of the soul.

Next jump'd St. J-hnst-n jollily forth,
The spiritual Dogberry of the North,'
A right "wise fellow, and, what's more,
An officer 2," like his type of yore;
And he ask'd, if we grant such toleration,
Pray, what's the use of our Reformation? 3.
What is the use of our Church and State?
Our Bishops, Articles, Tithe, and Rate?
And, still as he yell'd out "what's the use?"
Old Echoes, from their cells recluse
Where they'd for centuries slept, broke loose,
Yelling responsive, "What's the use?"

There stood my Lord Eld-n, endorsing it "Glass," Though as to which side should lie uppermost,

doubting.

The freight was, however, stow'd safe in the hold; The winds were polite, and the moon look'd romantic, [roll'd, While off in the good ship "The Truth" we were With our ethical cargo, across the Atlantic.

Long, dolefully long, seem'd the voyage we made; For "The Truth," at all times but a very slow

sailer,

By friends, near as much as by foes, is delay'd, And few come aboard her, though so many hail

her.

At length, safe arriv'd, I went through “tare and tret,"

Deliver'd my goods in the primest condition, And next morning read, in the Bridgetown Gazette, "Just arriv'd by The Truth,' a new moral po

sition."

"The Captain "-here, startled to find myself nam'd As "the Captain "-(a thing which, I own it with pain, [asham'd. I through life have avoided,) I woke-look'd Found I wasn't a captain, and doz'd off again.

MORAL POSITIONS.

A DREAM.

"His Lordship said that it took a long time for a moral position to find its way across the Atlantic. He was very sorry that its voyage had been so long," &c. - Speech of Lord Dudley and Ward on Colonial Slavery, March 8.

T'OTHER night, after hearing Lord Dudley's oration (A treat that comes once a-year as May-day does), I dreamt that I saw-what a strange operation! A "moral position" shipp'd off for Barbadoes.

The whole Bench of Bishops stood by in grave attitudes,

Packing the article tidy and neat; — As their Rev'rences know, that in southerly latitudes "Moral positions" don't keep very sweet.

There was B-th-st arranging the custom-house pass; [routing, And, to guard the frail package from tousing and

"Could he then, holding as he did a spiritual office in the Church of Scotland, (crics of hear, and laughter,) with any consistency give his consent to a grant of money?" &c.

"I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer."— Much Ado about Nothing.

3" What, he asked, was the use of the Reformation? What was the use of the Articles of the Church of England, or of the Church of Scotland?" &c.

"The East-India Question, the Bank, the Five Powers,

"(Now turn'd into two) with their rigmarole Protocols;'

"Ha! ha! ye gods, how this new friend of ours "Will knock, right and left, all diplomacy's what-d'ye-calls!

"Yes, rather than Whigs at our downfall should mock,

"Meet planets, and suns, in one general hustle! "While, happy in vengeance, we welcome the shock

But too awful that sight for a spirit so shaken,Down dropp'd the poor Tory in fits and

grimaces,

Then off to the Bedlam in Charles Street was taken,

And is now one of Halford's most favourite cases.

FROM THE HON. HENRY.

TO LADY EMMA

Paris, March 30, 1832.

How I came thus to bolt without saying farewell; And the truth is, as truth you will have, my sweet railer,

There are two worthy persons I always feel loth To take leave of at starting,-my mistress and tailor,[both;

As somehow one always has scenes with them The Snip in ill-humour, the Syren in tears,

She calling on Heaven, and he on the' attorney,Till sometimes, in short, 'twixt his duns and her dears,

A young gentleman risks being stopp'd in his journey.

But, to come to the point, though you think, I dare say,

That 'tis debt or the Cholera drives me away, 'Pon honour you're wrong;-such a mere baga

telle

As a pestilence, nobody, now-a-days, fears; And the fact is, my love, I'm thus bolting, pellmell, [Peers;

To get out of the way of these horrid new This deluge of coronets, frightful to think of, Which England is now, for her sins, on the brink of; This coinage of nobles,—coin'd, all of 'em, badly, And sure to bring Counts to a discount most sadly.

Only think, to have Lords overrunning the nation,

As plenty as frogs in a Dutch inundation;
No shelter from Barons, from Earls no protection,
And tadpole young Lords, too, in every direction,-
Things created in haste, just to make a Court

list of,

Two legs and a coronet all they consist of:
The prospect's quite frightful, and what Sir
George R-se

(My particular friend) says is perfectly true, That, so dire the alternative, nobody knows, "Twixt the Peers and the Pestilence, what he's to do;