THE DONKEY AND HIS PANNIERS.

A DREAM OF TURTLE.

BY SIR W. CURTIS.

1826.

A FABLE.

T'was evening time, in the twilight sweet
I sail'd along, when-whom should I meet
But a Turtle journeying o'er the sea,
"On the service of his Majesty."1

When spying him first through twilight dim,
I didn't know what to make of him;
But said to myself, as slow he plied
His fins, and roll'd from side to side
Conceitedly o'er the watery path-
""Tis my Lord of St-w-11 taking a bath,
"And I hear him now, among the fishes,
"Quoting Vatel and Burgersdicius!"

But, no-'twas, indeed, a Turtle, wide
And plump as ever these eyes descried;
A Turtle, juicy as ever yet
Glued up the lips of a Baronet!
And much did it grieve my soul to see
That an animal of such dignity,
Like an absentee abroad should roam,
When he ought to stay and be ate at home.

But now "a change came o'er my dream,"
Like the magic lantern's shifting slider;-
I look'd, and saw, by the evening beam,

On the back of that Turtle sat a rider-
A goodly man, with an eye so merry,
I knew 'twas our Foreign Secretary,2
Who there, at his ease, did sit and smile,
Like Waterton on his crocodile;
Cracking such jokes, at every motion,

As made the Turtle squeak with glee,
And own they gave him a lively notion
Of what his forc'd-meat balls would be.
So, on the Sec. in his glory went,
Over that briny element,
Waving his hand, as he took farewell,
With graceful air, and bidding me tell
Inquiring friends that the Turtle and he
Were gone on a foreign embassy-
To soften the heart of a Diplomate,
Who is known to doat upon verdant fat,
And to let admiring Europe see,
That calipash and calipee

Are the English forms of Diplomacy.

1 We are told that the passport of this grand' diplomatic Turtle (sent by the Secretary for Foreign Affairs to a certain noble envoy) described him as "on his majesty's service."

Ass, and beginning, "I hail thee, brother!" [The poem here alluded to commences,

"Poor little foal of an oppressed Race." The words "I hail thee, brother!" occur in the body of the piece. - ED.]

5 A certain country gentleman having said in the House," that we must return at last to the food of our ancestors," somebody asked Mr. T. "what food the gentleman meant ?"-"Thistles, I suppose," answered Mr. T.

A CASE OF LIBEL.

The greater the truth, the worse the libel."

A CERTAIN Sprite, who dwells below, (Twere a libel, perhaps, to mention where,) Came up incog., some years ago,

To try, for a change, the London air.

So well he look'd, and dress'd, and talk'd, And hid his tail and horns so handy, You'd hardly have known him as he walk'd, From C- -e, or any other Dandy.

(His horns, it seems, are made t'unscrew;

So, he has but to take them out of the socket, And-just as some fine husbands do— Conveniently clap them into his pocket.) ·

In short, he look'd extremely natty,

And ev'n contriv'd-to his own great wonderBy dint of sundry scents from Gattie, To keep the sulphurous hogo under.

And so my gentleman hoof'd about,

Unknown to all but a chosen few

At White's and Crockford's, where, no doubt,
He had many post-obits falling due.

Alike a gamester and a wit,

At night he was seen with Crockford's crew, At morn with learned dames would sitSo pass'd his time 'twixt black and blue.

Some wish'd to make him an M.P.,

But, finding W-lks was also one, he Swore in a rage, "he'd be d-d, if he "Would ever sit in one house with Johnny."

At length, as secrets travel fast,
And devils, whether he or she,
Are sure to be found out at last,

The affair got wind most rapidly.

The Press, the impartial Press, that snubs
Alike a fiend's or an angel's capers-
Miss Paton's soon as Beelzebub's-
Fir'd off a squib in the morning papers:

"We warn good men to keep aloof

"From a grim old Dandy, seen about, "With a fire-proof wig, and a cloven hoof “Through a neat-cut Hoby smoking out.”

Now, the Devil being a gentleman,

Who piques himself on well-bred dealings, You may guess, when o'er these lines he ran, How much they hurt and shock'd his feelings

And has pass'd her life in frolics
Worthy of your Apostolics.
Choose, in dressing this old flirt,
Something that won't show the dirt,
As, from habit, every minute
Goody W-stm-1-d is in it.

This is all I now shall ask
Hie thee, monarch, to thy task;
Finish Eld-n's frills and borders,
Then return for further orders.
Oh what progress for our sake,
Kings in millinery make!
Ribands, garters, and such things,
Are supplied by other Kings,--
Ferdinand his rank denotes
By providing petticoats.

1

ODE TO FERDINAND.

QUIT the sword, thou King of men, Grasp the needle once again;

Making petticoats is far

Safer sport than making war;
Trimming is a better thing,
Than the being trimm'd, oh King!
Grasp the needle bright with which
Thou didst for the Virgin stitch
Garment, such as ne'er before
Monarch stitch'd or Virgin wore.
Not for her, oh semster nimble!
Do I now invoke thy thimble;
Not for her thy wanted aid is,
But for certain grave old ladies,
Who now sit in England's cabinet,
Waiting to be clothed in tabinet,
Or whatever choice étoffe is
Fit for Dowagers in office.

First, thy care, oh King, devote
To Dame Eld-n's petticoat.
Make it of that silk, whose dye
Shifts for ever to the eye,
Just as if it hardly knew
Whether to be pink or blue.
Or-material fitter yet-
If thou couldst a remnant get
Of that stuff, with which, of old,
Sage Penelope, we're told,
Still by doing and undoing.
Kept her suitors always wooing-
That's the stuff which I pronounce, is
Fittest for Dame Eld-n's flounces.

After this, we'll try thy hand,
Mantua-making Ferdinand,
For old Goody W-stm-1-d;
One who loves, like Mother Cole,

Church and State with all her soul;

"Love rules the court, the camp, the grove,
And men below and gods above,

For Love is Heaven and Heaven is Love." - SCOTT.

1 " Brim — a naughty woman." — GROSE.

HAT VERSUS WIG.

1827.

"At the interment of the Duke of York, Lord Eld-n, in order to guard against the effects of the damp, stood upon his hat during the whole of the ceremony."

metus omnes et inexorabile fatum

Subjecit pedibus, strepitumque Acherontis avari.

"TWIXT Eld-n's Hat and Eld-n's Wig
There lately rose an altercation,—
Each with its own importance big,
Disputing which most serves the nation.
Quoth Wig, with consequential air,
"Pooh! pooh! you surely can't design,
"My worthy beaver, to compare

"Your station in the state with mine.

66

"Who meets the learned legal crew?
"Who fronts the lordly Senate's pride?
"The Wig, the Wig, my friend - while you
Hang dangling on some peg outside.
"Oh, 'tis the Wig, that rules, like Love,
"Senate and Court, with like éclat -
"And wards below, and lords above,

"For Law is Wig and Wig is Law!!

"Who tried the long, Long W-LL-SLY suit,
"Which tried one's patience, in return?
"Not thou, oh Hat!-though, could'st thou do't,
"Of other brims than thine thou'dst learn.

""Twas mine our master's toil to share;
"When, like Truepenny,' in the play,"
"He, every minute, cried out 'Swear,'

"And merrily to swear went they; '—

3 "Ghost [beneath]. -Swear!

"Hamlet. Ha, ha! say'st thou so? Art thou there, Truepenny? Come on."

4 His Lordship's demand for fresh affidavits was incessant.