his friends, than undergo the pain of telling directions, that, with all the titles to praise a story which might seem a panegyric upon which a rectitude of heart can give, the himself. doers of them are nevertheless forced to

Of the truth of which, this gentleman
-But to know

I have the highest idea of the spiritual live and die without it. and refined sentiments of this reverend gentleman, from this single stroke in his was a painful example.character, which I think comes up to any by what means this came to pass, and to of the honest refinements of the peerless make that knowledge of use to you, I insist knight of La Mancha, whom, by the bye, upon it that you read the two following with all his follies, I love more, and would chapters, which contain such a sketch of actually have gone farther to have paid a his life and conversation, as will carry its visit to, than the greatest hero of antiquity. moral along with it.—When this is done, But this is not the moral of my story: the if nothing stops us in our way, we shall go thing I had in view was to show the temper on with the midwife.

CHAP. XI.

YORICK was this parson's name, and,

of the world in the whole of this affair.— For you must know, that so long as this explanation would have done the parson credit, the devil a soul could find it out:I suppose his enemies would not, and that his friends could not.- -But no sooner did he bestir himself in behalf of the mid- what is very remarkable in it (as appears wife, and pay the expenses of the ordinary's from a most ancient account of the family, license to set her up,-but the whole secret wrote upon strong vellum, and now in percame out; every horse he had lost, and two fect preservation,) it had been exactly so horses more than ever he had lost, with all spelt for near,- -I was within an ace of the circumstances of their destruction, were saying nine hundred years;--but I would known and distinctly remembered.-The not shake my credit in telling an improbable story ran like wildfire;—“The parson had truth, however indisputable in itself;—and "a returning fit of pride which had just therefore I shall content myself with only “seized him, and he was going to be well saying,- -it had been exactly so spelt, "mounted once again in his life; and if it without the least variation or transposition was so, 'twas plain as the sun at noon-day, of a single letter, for I do not know how "he would pocket the expense of the li- long; which is more than I would venture cense ten times told, the very first year:- to say of one half of the best surnames in SO that every body was left to judge what the kingdom: which, in a course of years, were his views in this act of charity." have generally undergone as many chops What were his views in this, and in and changes as their owners.-Has this every other action of his life,-or rather been owing to the pride, or to the shame what were the opinions which floated in of the respective proprietors?-In honest the brains of other people concerning it, truth, I think sometimes to the one, and was a thought which too much floated in sometimes to the other, just as the temptahis own, and too often broke in upon his tion has wrought. But a villanous affair it rest, when he should have been sound asleep. is, and will one day so blend and confound About ten years ago, this gentleman had us all together, that no one shall be able to the good fortune to be made entirely easy stand up and swear, "That his own greatupon that score,—it being just so long since "grandfather was the man who did either he left his parish,—and the whole world at "this or that." the same time, behind him ;-and stands accountable to a Judge of whom he will have no cause to complain.

66

This evil had been sufficiently fenced against by the prudent care of the Yorick family;-and their religious preservation But there is a fatality attends the actions of these records I quote, which do farther of some men: order them as they will, they inform us, That the family was originally pass through a certain medium, which so of Danish extraction, and had been transtwists and refracts them from their true planted into England as early as in the

reign of Horwendillus, king of Denmark, [degree in this unsettled island, where Nain whose court, it seems, an ancestor of this ture, in her gifts and dispositions of this Mr. Yorick, and from whom he was lineally kind, is most whimsical and capricious; descended, held a considerable post to the Fortune herself not being more so in the day of his death. Of what nature this con- bequest of her goods and chattels than she. siderable post was, this record saith not;— This is all that ever staggered my faith

it only adds, That for near two centuries, in regard to Yorick's extraction, who, by it had been totally abolished, as altogether what I can remember of him, and by all unnecessary not only in that court, but in the accounts I could ever get of him, seemed every other court of the Christian world. not to have had one single drop of Danish It has often come into my head, that this blood in his whole crasis: in nine hundred post could be no other than that of the king's years, it might possibly have all run out; chief jester, and that Hamlet's Yorick, -I will not philosophize one moment in our Shakspeare, many of whose plays, with you about it: for happen how it would, you know, are founded upon authenticated the fact was this:-That instead of that facts, was certainly the very man. cold phlegm and exact regularity of sense

I have not the time to look into Saxo- and humors you would have looked for in Grammaticus's Danish History, to know one so extracted,—he was, on the contrary, the certainty of this, but if you have lei- as mercurial and sublimated a composition, sure and can easily get at the book, you -as heteroclite a creature in all his demay do it full as well yourself. clensions,—with as much life and whim, I had just time in my travels through and gaité de cœur about him, as the kindDenmark, with Mr. Noddy's eldest son, liest climate could have engendered and whom, in the year 1741, I accompanied as put together. With all this sail, poor Yorick governor, riding along with him at a pro- carried not one ounce of ballast; he was digious rate through most parts of Europe, utterly unpractised in the world; and, at and of which original journey performed the age of twenty-six, knew just about as by us two, a most delectable narrative will well how to steer his course in it as a be given in the progress of this work;-I romping unsuspicious girl of thirteen: so had just time, I say, and that was all, to that upon his first setting out, the brisk prove the truth of an observation made by gale of his spirits, as you will imagine, ran a long sojourner in that country ;him foul ten times in a day of somebody's namely, "That Nature was neither very tackling; and as the grave and more slow"lavish, nor was she very stingy in her paced were oftenest in his way,—you "gifts of genius and capacity to its inhab- may likewise imagine, 'twas with such he “itants;—but, like a discreet parent, was had generally the ill luck to get the most "moderately kind to them all; observing entangled. For aught I know, there might “such an equal tenor in the distribution of be some mixture of unlucky wit at the "her favors, as to bring them, in those bottom of such fracas :—for, to speak the "points, pretty nearly to a level with each truth, Yorick had an invincible dislike and "other; so that you will meet with few opposition in his nature to gravity;-not to "instances in that kingdom of refined parts; gravity as such;-for where gravity was "but a great deal of good plain household wanted, he would be the most grave or "understanding amongst all ranks of people, serious of mortal men for days and weeks "of which every body has a share;" which is, I think, very right.

together; but he was an enemy to the affectation of it, and declared open war With us, you see, the case is quite differ- against it, only as it appeared a cloak for ent:-we are all ups and downs in this mat- ignorance, or for folly: and then, whenever ter;-you are a great genius;-or 'tis fifty it fell in his way, however sheltered and to one, Sir, you are a great dunce and a protected, he seldom gave it much quarter. blockhead;-not that there is a total want Sometimes, in his wild way of talking, of intermediate steps;-no, we are not so he would say, that Gravity was an errant irregular as that comes to;-but the two scoundrel, and, he would add,—of the most extremes are more common, and in a greater dangerous kind too,-because a sly one

CHAP XII.

and that he verily believed, more honest well-meaning people were bubbled out of their goods and money by it in one twelve- THE Mortgager and Mortgagee differ the month, than by pocket-picking and shop- one from the other not more in length of lifting in seven. In the naked temper which purse, than the Jester and Jestee do in that a merry heart discovered, he would say of memory. But in this the comparison there was no danger,-but to itself:- between them runs, as the scholiasts call it, whereas the very essence of gravity was upon all-four; which, by the bye, is upon design, and consequently deceit ;-'twas a one or two legs more than some of the best taught trick, to gain credit of the world for of Homer's can pretend to;—namely, That more sense and knowledge than a man was the one raises a sum, and the other a laugh worth; and that, with all his pretensions,- at your expense, and thinks no more about it was no better, but often worse, than what it. Interest, however, still runs on in both a French wit had long ago defined it, viz. cases;-the periodical or accidental payA mysterious carriage of the body, to cover ments of it, just serving to keep the memthe defects of the mind:—which definition ory of the affair alive; till, at length, in of gravity, Yorick, with great imprudence, some evil hour,-pop comes the creditor would say, deserved to be wrote in letters upon each, and by demanding principal upon of gold. the spot, together with full interest to the very day, makes them both feel the full extent of their obligations.

that as not one of them was contracted through any malignancy;-but, on the contrary, from an honesty of mind, and a mere jocundity of humor, they would all of them be crossed out in course.

But, in plain truth, he was a man unhackneyed and unpractised in the world; and was altogether as indiscreet and foolish As the reader (for I hate your ifs) has a on every other subject of discourse where thorough knowledge of human nature, I policy is wont to impress restraint. Yorick need not say more to satisfy him, that my had no impression but one, and that was Hero could not go on at this rate without what arose from the nature of the deed some slight experience of these incidental spoken of; which impression he would mementoes. To speak the truth, he had usually translate into plain English, without wantonly involved himself in a multitude any periphrasis;—and too oft without much of small book-debts of this stamp, which, distinction of either person, time, or place; notwithstanding Eugenius's frequent ad-so that when mention was made of a piti- vice, he too much disregarded; thinking, ful or an ungenerous proceeding, he never gave himself a moment's time to reflect who was the hero of the piece,what his station, or how far he had power to hurt him hereafter;-but, if it was a dirty action, without more ado,-The man Eugenius would never admit this; and was a dirty fellow ;-and so on.-And as would often tell him, that one day or other his comments had usually the ill fate to be he would certainly be reckoned with; and terminated either in a bon mot, or to be en- he would often add, in an accent of sorrowlivened throughout with some drollery or ful apprehension,-to the uttermost mite. humor of expression, it gave wings to To which Yorick, with his usual carelessYorick's indiscretion. In a word, though ness of heart, would as often answer with he never sought, yet, at the same time, as a pshaw!-and if the subject was started in he seldom shunned, occasions of saying the fields, with a hop, skip, and a jump at what came uppermost, and without much the end of it; but if close pent up in the ceremony,- -he had but too many tempta- social chimney-corner, where the culprit tions in life, of scattering his wit and his was barricado'd in with a table and a couple humor,―his gibes and his jests, about him. -They were not lost for want of gathering.

of arm-chairs, and could not so readily fly off in a tangent, Eugenius would then go on with his lecture upon discretion, in words to this purpose, though somewhat

What were the consequences, and what was Yorick's catastrophe thereupon, you better put together:will read in the next chapter. C

Trust me, dear Yorick, this unwary

pleasantry of thine will sooner or later bring [nation of his destiny read over to him, but thee into scrapes and difficulties, which no with a tear stealing from his eye, and a after-wit can extricate thee out of.—In promissory look attending it that he was rethese sallies, too oft, I see it happens, that solved, for the time to come, to ride his tit a person laughed at considers himself in with more sobriety.-But, alas, too late!— the light of a person injured, with all the a grand confederacy, with ***** and ***** at rights of such a situation belonging to him; the head of it, was formed before the first and when thou viewest him in that light prediction of it.-The whole plan of attack, too, and reckonest up his friends, his family, just as Eugenius had foreboded, was put in his kindred, and allies,- -and musterest execution all at once, with so little mercy up with them the many recruits which will on the side of the allies,—and so little suslist under him from a sense of common picion in Yorick, of what was carrying on danger, -'tis no extravagant arithmetic against him,-that when he thought, good to say, that for every ten jokes,-thou hast easy man! full surely preferment was o' got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast ripening,-they had smote his root, and then gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about he fell, as many a worthy man had fallen thine ears, and art half stung to death by before him. them, thou wilt never be convinced it is so.

Yorick, however, fought it out with all I cannot suspect it in the man whom I imaginable gallantry for some time; till, esteem, that there is the least spur from overpowered by numbers, and worn out at spleen or malevolence of intent in these length by the calamities of the war,-but sallies;-I believe and know them to be more so by the ungenerous manner in which truly honest and sportive:-but consider, it was carried on,-he threw down the my dear lad, that fools cannot distinguish sword; and, though he kept up his spirits this, and that knaves will not: and that in appearance to the last, he died, neverthou knowest not what it is either to pro-theless, as was generally thought, quite voke the one, or to make merry with the broken-hearted. other:- -whenever they associate for mutual defence, depend upon it, they will carry on the war in such a manner against thee, my dear friend, as to make thee heartily sick of it, and of thy life too.

What inclined Eugenius to the same opinion, was as follows:

A few hours before Yorick breathed his last, Eugenius stept in, with an intent to take his last sight and last farewell of him. Revenge from some baneful corner shall Upon his drawing Yorick's curtain, and asklevel a tale of dishonor at thee, which no ing how he felt himself, Yorick, looking innocence of heart or integrity of conduct up in his face, took hold of his hand,—and, shall set right.—The fortunes of thy after thanking him for the many tokens of house shall totter;-thy character, which his friendship to him, for which, he said, if led the way to them, shall bleed on every it was their fate to meet hereafter, he would side of it; thy faith questioned,- thy thank him again and again,—he told him, works belied, thy wit forgotten, - thy he was within a few hours of giving his learning trampled on. To wind up the last enemies the slip for ever. I hope not, anscene of thy tragedy, Cruelty and Coward-swered Eugenius, with tears trickling down ice, twin ruffians, hired and set on by Mal- his cheeks, and with the tenderest tone that ice in the dark, shall strike together at all ever man spoke,-I hope not, Yorick, said thy infirmities and mistakes;- -the best he.-Yorick replied with a look up, and a of us, my dear lad, lie open there,- -and gentle squeeze of Eugenius's hand, and that trust me, trust me, Yorick, when to was all-but it cut Eugenius to his heart. gratify a private appetite, it is once re- -Come, come, Yorick, quoth Eugenius, solved upon, that an innocent and an help-wiping his eyes, and summoning up the man less creature shall be sacrificed, 'tis an easy within him,-my dear lad, be comforted,-let matter to pick up sticks enough from any not all thy spirits and fortitude forsake thee thicket where it has strayed, to make a fire at this crisis when thou most want'st them; to offer it up with. -who knows what resources are in store, Yorick scarce ever heard this sad vatici- and what the power of God may yet do for

roar!

thee-Yorick laid his hand upon his heart, ancestor) were wont to set the table in a and gently shook his head.-For my part, continued Eugenius, crying bitterly as he Eugenius was convinced from this, that the uttered the words,—I declare I know not, heart of his friend was broke: he squeezed Yorick, how to part with thee; and would his hand,—and then walked softly out of gladly flatter my hopes, added Eugenius, the room, weeping as he walked. Yorick cheering up his voice, that there is still followed Eugenius with his eyes to the door enough left of thee to make a Bishop, and he then closed them,—and never opened that I may live to see it.I beseech thee, them more. Eugenius, quoth Yorick, taking off his nightcap, as well as he could with his left hand-yard in the parish of his right being still clasped close in that of marble slab, which his friend Eugenius, by Eugenius, I beseech thee to take a view leave of his executors, laid upon his grave, of my head.—I see nothing that ails it, with no more than these three words of inreplied Eugenius. Then alas! my friend, scription, serving both for his epitaph and said Yorick, let me tell you, that 'tis so elegy::

bruised and misshapen with the blows which

******* and ******* and some others have so un

He lies buried in the corner of his churchunder a plain

handsomely given me in the dark, that 1 Alas, poor Yorick!

I

Ten times a day has Yorick's ghost the

might say with Sancho Pança, that, should I recover, and "mitres thereupon be suffered "to rain down from Heaven as thick as hail, "not one of them would fit it."—Yorick's consolation to hear his monumental inscriplast breath was hanging upon his trembling tion read over with such a variety of plainlips, ready to depart as he uttered this;- tive tones as denote a general pity and esyet still it was uttered with something of teem for him: a footway crossing the a Cervantic tone;-and as he spoke it, church-yard, close by the side of his grave, Eugenius could perceive a stream of lam--not a passenger goes by without stopping bent fire lighted up for a moment in his to cast a look upon it,—and sighing, as he eyes-faint picture of those flashes of walks on,

his spirit, which (as Shakspeare said of his

ALAS, POOR YORICK!