AND TIE RAZOR-SELLER. But yet there are a mercenary crew, A fellow, in a market town, Most musical, cry'd razors up and down, As ev'ry man would buy, with cash and sense. A country Bumpkin the great offer heard; "This rascal stole the razors, I suppose." "No matter, if the fellow be a knave, "Provided that the razors shave; "It certainly will be a monstrous prize?? So home the clown, with his good fortune, went And quickly soap'd himself, to cars and eyes. Being well lathered, from a dish or tub, 'Twas a vile razor-then the rest he try'd- "I wish my eighteen pence were in my purse!” In vain, to chase his beard, and bring the graces, He cut, and dug, and winc'd, and stamp'd, and Brought blood, and danc'd, blasphem'd, and made wry faces; And curs'd cach razor's body, o'er and o'er: 6 MIDAS'S SECOND MISTAKE. His muzzle, form'd of opposition stuff, Hodge sought the fellow-found him, and begun"P'rhaps, Master Razor-rogue, to you 'tis fun, "That people flay themselves out of their lives! "You rascal-for an hour, have I been grubbing, "Giving my scoundrel whiskers here a scrubbing, "With razors, just like oyster-knives. "Sirrah! I tell you, you're a knave, "Friend, (quoth the razor-man) I'm not a knave; "As for the razors you have bought, "Upon my soul, I never thought, "That they would shave." "Not think, they'd shave!". wond'ring eyes, quoth Hodge, with And voice not much unlike an Indian yell; "What were they made for, then? you dog!" he cries: "Made "quoth the fellow, with a smile-" to sell !” ONCE MIDAS'S SECOND MISTAKE. NCE an old country squaretoes, to fopp'ry a foe, And disgusted alike at a crop and a beau, Being church-warden made, was in office so strict, That there scarce was a coat, but a hole in't he'd pick: ing; And from straddling the tomb-stones the boys daily. routing: At last made a justice, corruption to purge, His worship became both a nuisance and scourge': When a poor needy neighbour, who kept a milch ass, Which he often turn'd into the church-yard for grass, And with long ears and tail o'er the graves did he stray, While perchance, now and then, at bystanders he'd bray : And once when old Midas was passing along, went; That again should his beast the church-warden assail, Or be seen in the church-yard-he'd cut off his tail: When the owner replied-" Sure his worship but jeers; But should he dock donky-I'll cut off his ears." 55 When no sooner the answer was brought to him back, But he summon'd before him.the clown in a crack; And he said "Thou vile varlet, how comes it to pass, That thou dar'st for to threaten to crop a just-ass? Thou cut off my ears ?--Make his mittimus, clerk; I'll make an example of this precious spark: But first reach me down the black act-he shall see That, the next Lent Assizes, he'll swing on a tree." "I zwing on a tree!--and for what?" replies Hob, How the dickens came zuch a strange freak in your knob? 8 THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY. I woanly but zaid, if my ass met your sheers, At this subtle rejoinder, his worship struck dumb, THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY. يجتمع) (iy p(COLMAN, JUNIOR) A MAN, in many a country town, we know, Yet, some affirm, no enemies they are; Tho' the Apothecary fights with Death, A member of this Esculapian linc, Or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister; Of occupations these were quantum suff.: |