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AND TIE RAZOR-SELLER.

But yet there are a mercenary crew,
Who value fame, no more than an old shoe;
Provided, for their daubs they get a sale;
Just like the man-but, stay-I'll tell the tale

A fellow, in a market town,

Most musical, cry'd razors up and down,
And offer'd twelve for eighteen pence;
Which certainly seem'd wond'rous cheap,
And, for the money, quite a heap,

As ev'ry man would buy, with cash and sense.

A country Bumpkin the great offer heard;
Poor Hodge, who suffer'd by a broad black beard,
That seem'd a shoe-brush, stuck beneath his nose:
With cheerfulness, the eighteen pence he paid;.
And proudly to himself, in whispers, said:

"This rascal stole the razors, I suppose."

"No matter, if the fellow be a knave, "Provided that the razors shave;

"It certainly will be a monstrous prize??

So home the clown, with his good fortune, went
Smiling-in heart and soul, content-

And quickly soap'd himself, to cars and eyes.

Being well lathered, from a dish or tub,
Hodge now began, with grinning pain, to grub';
Just like a hedger cutting furze.

'Twas a vile razor-then the rest he try'd-
All were impostors!" Ah!" Hudge sigh'd,

"I wish my eighteen pence were in my purse!”

In vain, to chase his beard, and bring the graces, He cut, and dug, and winc'd, and stamp'd, and

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Brought blood, and danc'd, blasphem'd, and made

wry faces;

And curs'd cach razor's body, o'er and o'er:

6

MIDAS'S SECOND MISTAKE.

His muzzle, form'd of opposition stuff,
Firm as a Foxite, would not lose its ruff;
So kept it-laughing at the steel and suds.
Hodge, in a passion, stretch'd his angry jaws,
Vowing the direst vengeance, with clench'd claws,
On the vile cheat, that sold the goods-
"Razors!-(a damn'd, confounded dog!)-
"Not fit to scrape a hog!"

Hodge sought the fellow-found him, and begun"P'rhaps, Master Razor-rogue, to you 'tis fun,

"That people flay themselves out of their lives! "You rascal-for an hour, have I been grubbing, "Giving my scoundrel whiskers here a scrubbing, "With razors, just like oyster-knives.

"Sirrah! I tell you, you're a knave,
"To cry up razors, that can't shave!"

"Friend, (quoth the razor-man) I'm not a knave; "As for the razors you have bought,

"Upon my soul, I never thought,

"That they would shave."

"Not think, they'd shave!".

wond'ring eyes,

quoth Hodge, with

And voice not much unlike an Indian yell;

"What were they made for, then? you dog!" he

cries:

"Made "quoth the fellow, with a smile-" to sell !”

ONCE

MIDAS'S SECOND MISTAKE.

NCE an old country squaretoes, to fopp'ry a foe, And disgusted alike at a crop and a beau,

Being church-warden made, was in office so strict, That there scarce was a coat, but a hole in't he'd

pick:

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ing;

And from straddling the tomb-stones the boys daily. routing:

At last made a justice, corruption to purge,

His worship became both a nuisance and scourge': When a poor needy neighbour, who kept a milch

ass,

Which he often turn'd into the church-yard for grass,

And with long ears and tail o'er the graves did he

stray,

While perchance, now and then, at bystanders he'd bray :

And once when old Midas was passing along,
He set up his pipes at his brother, ding dong;
At which his puff'd pride was so stung to the quick,
That he glar'd at the browser as stern as Old Nick;
And when he got home, for the sexton he sent,
Who, with this doughty threat, to the ass-keeper

went;

That again should his beast the church-warden assail,

Or be seen in the church-yard-he'd cut off his tail: When the owner replied-" Sure his worship but jeers;

But should he dock donky-I'll cut off his ears." 55 When no sooner the answer was brought to him back,

But he summon'd before him.the clown in a crack; And he said "Thou vile varlet, how comes it to

pass,

That thou dar'st for to threaten to crop a just-ass? Thou cut off my ears ?--Make his mittimus, clerk; I'll make an example of this precious spark:

But first reach me down the black act-he shall see That, the next Lent Assizes, he'll swing on a tree." "I zwing on a tree!--and for what?" replies Hob, How the dickens came zuch a strange freak in your knob?

8

THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY.

I woanly but zaid, if my ass met your sheers,
And you cut off his tail, that I'd cut off his ears;
Vor as you hate long tails, as the mark of a fop,
I'd ha' don't, 'cause I knaugh that you don't like a
crop."

At this subtle rejoinder, his worship struck dumb,
Found his proud overbearing was quite overcome:
So the ass sav'd his tail by a quibble so clever,
And the justice's cars are now longer than ever.

THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY.

يجتمع)

(iy p(COLMAN, JUNIOR)

A MAN, in many a country town, we know,
inte ormidor, the
Professes openly with Death to wrestle;
Ent'ring the field against the grimly foe,
Arm'd with a mortar and a pestle.

Yet, some affirm, no enemies they are;
But meet just like prize-fighters, in a Fair,
Who first shake hands before they box,
Then give each other plaguy knocks,
With all the love and kindness of a brother;
So (many a suff'ring Patient saith,)

Tho' the Apothecary fights with Death,
Still they're sworn friends to one another.

A member of this Esculapian linc,
Lived at Newcastle upon Tyne ;
No man could better gild a pill;
Or make a bill;

Or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister;
Or draw a tooth out of your head;
Or chatter scandal by your bed;
Or give a clyster.

Of occupations these were quantum suff.:
Yet, still, he thought the list not long enough;

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