ADVENTURES OF "In airing your sheets, sir, my wife is no sloven ; "And your bed is immediately-over my Oven." "The Oven!!!" says Will-says the host, "Why this passion? "In that excellent bed died three people of fashion. "Why so crusty, good sir?"-"Zounds" cries Will in a taking, "Who would 't be crusty, with half a year's baking?". WILL paid for his rooms; cried the host, with a sneer, "Well, I see you 've been going away half a year, "Friend, we can't well agree"-" yet no quarrel". Will said; "But I'd rather not perish, while you make your bread," ADVENTURES OF YOUNG WHIPSTITCH. A TALE. A LONDON tailor, as 'tis said, By buckram, canvas, tape and thread, With which their uncouth bills abound, The son, a gay, young swagg'ring blade, And travel where he was not known. } . YOUNG WHIPSTITCHI In gilded coach and liv'ries gay, But nothing was so much ador'd The purse-proud coxcomb took the hint, } 39 "Snip, Snip," the host was often call'd, "Well done," says Jack, a buck of York, By what strange means they knew his trade. "You put the cap on, and it fits," Reply'd one of the Yorkshire wits; "Our words, in common acceptation, "Could not find out your occupation; ""Twas you yourself gave us the clue, "To find out both your trade and you. "Vain coxcombs, and fantastic beaux "In ev'ry place themselves expose; "They travel far at vast expense, "To shew their wealth and want of sense; "But take this for a standing rule, "There's no disguise can screen a fool." EPIGRAM. A DRUNKEN old Scot, by the rigorous sentence Of the Kirk, was condemn'd to the stool of repent ance; THE OLD BATCHELOR. 41 Mess John to his conscience his vices lac'd home, And his danger in this and the world that's to come; "Thou reprobate mortal! why, doth thou not know, "Where, after you 're dead, all you drunkards must go?"_ Must go when we 're dead! Why, sir, you may swear, "We shall go, one and all, where we find the best beer.' PARODY ON ROMEO'S DESCRIPTION OF AN APOTHECARY I DO (MAGAZINE OF WIT.) · DO remember an old BATCHELOR, And hereabouts he dwells-whom late I noted Conning his books-and meagre were his looks: And in his silent parlour hung a coat, The which the moths had used not less than he. 42 THE APPLE-DUMPLINGS AND A KING. Here lives a gloomy wretch would shew it him Were each an heaven compar'd with such a life. THE APPLE-DUMPLINGS AND A KING. ONCE on (PINDAR.) NCE on a time, a monarch, tir'd with whooping, Happy in worrying A poor, defenceless, harmless buck; From his high consequence and wisdom stooping, Where sat a poor old woman, with her pot. The wrinkled, blear-eyed, good old granny, Then taking up a dumpling in his hand, And oft did majesty the dumpling grapple : ""Tis monstrous, monstrous hard, indeed!" he cry'd. "What makes it, pray, so hard?" the dame reply'd, Low curtsying, "Please your majesty, the apple." "Very astonishing, indeed! strange thing!" (Turning the dumpling round, rejoin'd the king) "Tis most extraordinary, then, all this is; "It beats Pinetti's conj'ring all to pieces. |