their wit when they have got it, lest, by the unskilful management of the weapon I have prepared for them, they may wound themselves more severely than their enemies, as the awkward handler of a flail generally begins by thrashing himself instead of the corn. -To prevent this untoward occurrence, I have drawn up an introductory digest of rules, adapted both to pedestrians and the frequenters of regular parties, by a careful perusal of which, the reader may enjoy the happiness of being as much hated and feared as the most inveterate wag upon record. 1. Feel your ground before you take a single step, and adapt yourself to your company. You may find yourself among a set of wretches who never read Joe Miller, and yet have comprehension enough to understand him.-This is fine!-Make the most of such a situation, for it is a happiness not often to recur. If any aspiring member venture to oppose you, crush him without mercy. If you do not know what he is going to say, tell him you can help him out in that story, should he be at a loss; if you do, cut him short by snatching the sting of the tale from him, and turn it against himself.-You will get the laugh, for the audience will be happy to reduce him nearer to their own level by measuring him with you. 2. Never mind what smart you occasion, provided you can say a smart thing. Your enemy you have a whom can you take a right to wound; and with liberty, if not with a friend? A pretty thing, truly, if a jest were to be stifled because it might give pain! It would give much more to suppress it; and if others do not like the taste, how can they expect you to swallow it? 3. Latin bon-mots are safe if you are sure of the pronunciation, for they who understand them will laugh of course; and they who do not, for fear of being thought ignorant. With women this rule will not apply; do not, therefore, in their society quote Horace, or confess yourself a freemason, for they naturally hate and suspect whatever they are excluded from. 4. It is a very successful and laudable practice to poach upon Joe's premises, with some poor dog, who is fain at night to start the game which you have marked down in the morning. At the given signal let fly, and you are sure to kill the prey, and perhaps some of the company, with laughter. N. B. Be sure that your pointer is staunch; it would be a sad thing were he to run in upon the game himself, instead of. backing. 5. When you launch a good thing which is only heard by the person next you, wait patiently for a pause, and throw it in again in a louder key. Your neighbour, possibly, will not renew his laugh, but will excuse you, well knowing that you cannot afford to throw away a good thing. 6. If your party be stupid, and you want an excuse for getting away, give vent to some double-entendres to distress the women. This will answer your purpose, for the men must be fools indeed if they do not kick you down stairs. 7. In the want of other subjects for your raillery and sneers, personal defects offer a tempting source of pleasantry. When your wit has not a leg of its own to stand on, it may run sometimes upon your neighbour's wooden one. At least a dozen jokes may be endorsed upon a hump-back; and you may make a famous handle of a long nose.-Take care, however, while making free with another's nose, that he does not make free with yours. 8. If your party be equal to yourself in the knowledge of the books, or talent for extempore repartee, laugh immoderately at your own sayings, and pretend not to hear theirs. Study also to get next to what is called a good audience, or hearty laugher; for laughter is catching, though wit is not. 9. If your companions be decidedly your superiors in both these requisites, have a bad head-ach, and be silent. You could not speak to advantage, and it is better to be pitied for having a pain in the head, than for having nothing in it. 10. Mimicry and buffoonery are good substitutes for wit. Thus you may make some use of a prosing old put, by listening to him with feigned attention, and at the same time thrusting your tongue into the opposite cheek.-This will amuse the company, and cannot offend the old gentleman, for he will be wise enough to wish your tongue kept where it is. 11. Beware of quizzing your host too severely, or he will not ask you again. Be merry and wise. A laugh is a tempting thing, I own: so is turtle-soup. Always remember that a good dinner is in itself a good thing, and the only one that will bear frequent repetition. 12. If you have once got a man down, belabour him without mercy. Remember the saying of the Welch boxer“ Ah, Sir, if you knew the trouble I had in getting him down, you would not ask me to let him get up again.” 13. Invariably preserve your best joke for the last, and when you have uttered it, follow the example now set you by taking your leave. SONG-TO FANNY. THY bloom is soft, thine eye is bright, Of charms which time is sure to borrow, Or sickness undermine to-morrow. No-thine is that immortal grace Which ne'er shall pass from thy possession, That moral beauty of the face Which constitutes its sweet expression; For while thy looks reflect thy heart, How can their charms be ever faded? Nor, Fanny, can a love like mine With time decay, in sickness falter; Born of the soul, and cannot alter : HOW TO OBTAIN THE CAP OF "He that within his bounds will keep, May baffle all disasters; To fortune and fate commands he may give, He may dance, he may laugh, he may sing, he may quaff, He may walk without fear, he may sleep without care, Wit Restored. IN the deep serenity of an autumnal evening, I placed myself upon the terrace of the chateau at Versailles to enjoy the setting sun, the rays of which enamelled the glassy surface of the waters before me with a golden bloom, burnished the bronze figures of the marble fountains by which I was surrounded, glistened like fire upon the windows of the great gallery, illuminated by reflections from the wall of mirrors within; and, after flickering along the casements of the eastern wing, threw a rosy tinge over |