Then turning, he regales his list'ning wife
With all the adventures of his early life;
His skill in coachmanship, or driving chaise,
In bilking tavern bills, and spouting plays;
What shifts he us'd, detected in a scrape,
How he was flogg'd or had the luck t' escape;
What sums he lost at play, and how he sold

325

330

Watch, seals, and all-till all his pranks are told.
Retracing thus his frolicks, ('tis a name

That palliates deeds of folly and of shame,)

He gives the local bias all its sway;

Resolves that where he play'd his sons shall play, 335
And destines their bright genius to be shown

Just in the scene where he display'd his own.
The meek and bashful boy will soon be taught,

To be as bold and forward as he ought;

The rude will scuffle through with ease enough, 340
Great schools suit best the sturdy and the rough.
Ah happy designation, prudent choice,

Th' event is sure; expect it, and rejoice!
Soon see your wish fulfill'd in either child-

The pert made perter, and the tame made wild.
The great, indeed, by titles, riches, birth,
Excus'd th' encumbrance of more solid worth,
Are best dispos'd of where with most success
They may acquire that confident address,
Those habits of profuse and lewd expense,
That scorn of all delights but those of sense,
Which, though in plain plebeians we condemn,
With so much reason all expect from them.

345

350

But families of less illustrious fame,

Whose chief distinction is their spotless name,

355

Whose heirs, their honours none, their income small,

Must shine by true desert, or not at all,

What dream they of, that with so little care

They risk their hopes, their dearest treasure there?

They dream of little Charles or William grac'd

360

With wig prolix, down flowing to his waist:

They see th' attentive crowds his talents draw:
They hear him speak-the oracle of law.

The father, who designs his babe a priest,

Dreams him episcopally such at least ;

365

And while the playful jockey scours the room

Briskly, astride upon the parlour broom,

In fancy sees him more superbly ride

In coach with purple lin'd, and mitres on its side.

Events improbable and strange as these,

370

Which only a parental eye foresees,

A publick school shall bring to pass with case.

But how! Resides such virtue in that air,

As must create an appetite for pray'r?
And will it breathe into him all the zeal,

375

That candidates for such a prize should feel,
To take the lead and be the foremost still

In all true worth and literary skill?

"Ah, blind to bright futurity, untaught

The knowledge of the world, and dull of thought?
Church-ladders are not always mounted best
By learned clerks, and Latinists profess'd.
Th' exalted prize demands an upward look,
Not to be found by poring on a book.

380

385

Small skill in Latin, and still less in Greck,
Is more than adequate to all I seek.
Let erudition grace him or not grace,
I give the bauble but the second place;
His wealth, fame, honours, all that I intend,
Subsist and centre in one point-—a friend.
A friend, whate'er he studies or neglects,
Shall give him consequence, heal all defects.
His intercourse with peers and sons of peers,
There dawns the splendour of his future years:
In that bright quarter his propitious skies
Shall blush betimes, and there his glory rise.

390

395

Your Lordship and Your Grace! what school can teach

A rhet'rick equal to those parts of speech!

What need of Homer's verse, or Tully's prose,

Sweet interjections! if he learn but those?
Let rev'rend churls his ignorance rebuke,

400

Who starv'd upon a dog's-ear'd Pentateuch,

The parson knows enough, who knows a duke."
Egregious purpose! worthily begun

In barb'rous prostitution of your son;

405

Press'd on his part by means that would disgrace
A scriv'ner's clerk, or footman out of place,

And ending, if at last its end be gain'd,

In sacrilege, in God's own house profan'd!

It may succeed; and, if his sins should call

410

For more than common punishment, it shall;
The wretch shall rise, and be the thing on earth
Least qualified in honour, learning, worth,
To occupy a sacred awful post,

In which the best and worthiest tremble most. 415 The royal letters are a thing of course,

A king, that would, might recommend his horse;

And deans, no doubt, and chapters with one voice,

420

As bound in duty, would confirm the choice.
Behold your bishop; well he plays his part,
Christian in name, and infidel in heart,
Ghostly in office, earthly in his plan,
A slave at court, elsewhere a lady's man.
Dumb as a senator, and as a priest

A piece of mere church furniture at best;

425

To live estrang'd from God his total scope,

And his end sure, without one glimpse of hope.
But fair although and feasible it seem,

Depend not much upon your golden dream :

For Providence, that seems concern'd t' exempt 430
The hallow'd bench from absolute contempt,

In spite of all the wrigglers into place,
Still keeps a seat or two for worth and grace;
And therefore 'tis that though the sight be rare,
We sometimes sce a Lowth or Bagot there.
Besides, school-friendships are not always found,
Though fair in promise, permanent and sound;

435

Young heads are giddy, and young hearts are warm, And make mistakes for manhood to reform.

445

Boys are at best but pretty buds unblown,

Whose scent and hues are rather guess'd than known;
Each dreams that each is just what he appears,
But learns his errour in maturer years,
When disposition, like a sail unfurl'd,
Shows all its rents and patches to the world
If, therefore, e'en when honest in design,
A boyish friendship may so soon decline,
"Twere wiser sure t' inspire a little heart
With just abhorrence of so mean a part,
Than set your son to work at a vile trade
For wages so unlikely to be paid.

450

455

Our publick hives of puerile resort,
That are of chief and most approv'd report,
To such base hopes, in many a sordid soul,
Owe their repute in part, but not the whole.
A principle, whose proud pretensions pass
Unquestion'd, though the jewel be but glass-
That with a world, not often over nice,

460

Ranks as a virtue, and is yet a vice;

465

Or rather a gross compound, justly tried,

Of envy, hatred, jealousy, and pride

Contributes most perhaps t' enhance their fame

And emulation is its specious name.

Boys, once on fire with that contentious zeal,

470

Each vainly magnifies his own success,
Resents his fellow's, wishes it were less,
Exults in his miscarriage if he fail,
Deems is reward too great if he prevail,
And labours to surpass him day and night,
Less for improvement than to tickle spite.
The spur is pow'rful, and I grant its force;
It pricks the genius forward in its course,
Allows short time for play, and none for sloth;
And, felt alike by each, advances both :

480

485

But judge, where so much evil intervenes,

The end, though plausible, not worth the means.
Weigh, for a moment, classical desert

Against a heart deprav'd and temper hurt;

Hurt, too, perhaps, for life; for early wrong,

490

Done to the nobler part, affects it long;

And you are stanch indeed in learning's cause,
If you can crown a discipline, that draws
Such mischiefs after it with much applause.
Connexion form'd for int'rest, and endear'd

495

By selfish views, thus censur'd and cashier'd:
And emulation, as engend'ring hate,
Doom'd to a no less ignorainious fate:

Force not my drift beyound its just intent,
I praise a school as Pope a government;
So take my judgment in his language dress'd,
"Whate'er is best administer'd is best."

505

Few boys are born with talents that excel,

But all are capable of living well;

510

Then ask not, Whether limited or large?

But, Watch they strictly, or neglect their charge?