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churches every Sunday, and that shops are still fre- which are the constant practice of all men alive. quently shut up, in order, as it is conceived, to pre. But this objection is, think, a little unworthy so serve the memory of that ancient practice; but how refined an age as ours. Let us argue this matter this can prove a hindrance to business or pleasure, is calmly: I appeal to the breast of any polite freehard to imagine. What if the men of pleasure are thinker, whether, in the pursuit of gratifying a preforced, one day in the week, to game at home instead dominant passion, he hath not always felt a wonderof the chocolate house ? are not the taverns and cof- ful incitement by reflecting it was a thing forbidden; feehouses open ? can there be a more convenient sea- and therefore we see, in order to cultivate this taste, son for taking a dose of physic! is not Sunday the the wisdom of the nation hath taken special care that chief day for traders to sum up the accounts of the the ladies should be furnished with prohibited silks, week, and for lawyers to prepare their briefs! But I and the men with prohibited wine. And indeed it would fain know how it can be pretended that the were to be wished that some other prohibitions were churches are misapplied ? where are more appoint- promoted, in order to improve the pleasures of the ments and rendezvouses of gallantry! where more town; which, for want of such expedients, begin al. care to appear in the foremost box with greater ad- ready, as I am told, to flag and grow languid, giving vantage of dress ? where more meetings for business? | way daily to cruel inroads from the spleen. where more bargains driven of all sorts? and where so many conveniences or incitements to sleep?
[Ludicrous Image of Fanaticism.) There is one advantage, greater than any of the foregoing, proposed by the abolishing of Christianity :
[From a 'Discourse on the Operation of the Spirit.] that it will utterly extinguish parties among us, by It is recorded of Mahomet, that upon a visit he was removing those factious distinctions of high and low going to pay in Paradise, he had an offer of several church, of Whig and Tory, Presbyterian and Church vehicles to conduct him upwards; as, fiery chariots, of England, which are now so many grievous clogs winged horses, and celestial sedans; but he refused upon public proceedings, and are apt to dispose men them all, and would be borne to heaven on nothing to prefer the gratifying themselves, or depressing their but his ass. Now, this inclination of Mahomet, as adversaries, before the most important interest of the singular as it seems, hath since been taken up by a state.
great number of devout Christians, and doubtless with I confess, if it were certain that so great an advan, good reason. For, since that Arabian is known to tage would redound to the nation by this expedient, I have borrowed a moiety of his religious system from would submit, and be silent; but will any man say, that the Christian faith, it is but just he should pay reif the words drinking, cheating, lying, stealing, were prisals to such as would challenge them; wherein the by act of parliament ejected out of the English tongue good people of England, to do them all right, have not and dictionaries, we should all awake next morning been backward. For though there is not any other chaste and temperate, honest and just, and lovers of nation in the world so plentifully provided with cartruth? Is this a fair consequence? Or if the physicians riages for that journey, either as to safety or ease, would forbid us to pronounce the words gout, rheuma- yet there are abundance of us who will not be satistism, and stone, would that expedient serve like so fied with any other machine besides this of Mahomet. many talismans to destroy the diseases themselves ? Are party and faction rooted in men's hearts no deeper A Meditation upon a Broomstick, according to the than phrases borrowed from religion, or founded upon no firmer principles ? and is our own language so poor,
style and manner of the Hon. Rubert Boyle's Medita
tions, that we cannot find other terms to express them ? Are envy, pride, avarice, and ambition, such ill nomen- This single stick, which you now behold ingloclators, that they cannot furnish appellations for their riously lying in that neglected corner, I once knew in owners ? Will not heydukes and mamalukes, manda- a flourishing state in a forest; it was full of sap, full rines and pashaws, or any other words formed at of leaves, and full of boughs; but now in vain does pleasure, serve to distinguish those who are in the the busy art of man pretend to vie with nature, by ministry from others who would be in it if they could ? tying that withered bundle of twigs to its sapless What, for instance, is easier than to vary the form of trunk; it is now at best but the reverse of what it speech, and, instead of the word church, make it a was, a trec turned upside down, the branches on the question in politics, whether the Monument be in earth, and the root in the air; it is now handled by danger ? Because religion was nearest at hand to fur- every dirty wench, condemned to do her drudgery, nish a few convenient phrases, is our invention so bar- and, by a capricious kind of fate, destined to make ren we can find no other? Surpose, for argument sake, her things clean, and be nasty itself; at length, worn that the Tories favoured Margarita, the Whigs Mrs out to the stumps in the service of the maids, it is Tofts, and the Trimmers Valentini,' would not Mar- either thrown out of doors, or condemned to the last garitians, Toftians, and Valentinians be
use of kindling a fire. When I beheld this, I sighed, marks of distinction? The Prasini and Veniti, two and said within myself, Surely mortal man is a most virulent factions in Italy, began (if I remember broomstick! nature sent him into the world strong right) by a distinction of colours in ribbons; and we and lusty, in a thriving condition, wearing his own might contend with as good a grace about the dignity hair on his head, the proper branches of this reasonof the blue and the green, which would serve as pro-ing vegetable, until the axe of intemperance has perly to divide the court, the parliament, and the lopped off his green boughs, and left him a withered kingdom between them, as any terms of art whatsoever trunk; he then flies to art, and puts on a periwig, borrowed from religion. And therefore I think there valuing himself upon an unnatural bundle of hairs, is little force in this objection against Christianity, or all covered with powder, that never grew on his head; prospect of so great an advantage as is proposed in the but now, should this our broomstick pretend to enter abolishing of it.
the scene, proud of those birchen spoils it never bore, It is again objected, as a very absurd ridiculous and all covered with dust, though the sweepings of custom, that a set of men should be suffered, much the finest lady's chamber, we should be apt to ridicule less employed and hired, to bawl one day in seven and despise its vanity. Partial judges that we are of against the lawfulness of those methods most in use our own excellences, and other men's defaults! towards the pursuit of greatness, riches, and pleasure, But a broomstick, perhaps you will say, is an
emblem of a tree standing on its head : and pray, Singers then in vogue what is man but a topsy-turvy creature, his animal
faculties perpetually mounted on his rational, his and had a great kindness for me, was in a terrible head where his heels should be-grovelling on the fright; he gently took me up in both his hands, and earth! and yet, with all his faults, he sets up to be a asked me how I did; but I was so amazed and out universal reformer and corrector of abuses, a remover of breath, that I could not speak a word. In a few of grievances ; rakes into every slut's corner of nature, minutes I came to myself, and he carried me safe to bringing hidden corruptions to the light, and raises a my little nurse, who by this time had returned to the mighty dust where there was none before, sharing place where she left me, and was in cruel agonies deeply all the while in the very same pollutions he when I did not appear, nor answer when she called : pretends to sweep away. His last days are spent in she severely reprimanded the gardener on account of slavery to women, and generally the least deserving; his dog. But the thing was hushed up, and never till, worn to the stumps, like his brother besom, he is known at court; for the girl was afraid of the queen's either kicked out of doors, or made use of to kindle anger, and truly, as to myself, I thought it would not flames for others to warm themselves by.
be for my reputation that such a story should go about.
This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch [Adrentures of Gulliver in Brobdingag.]
never to trust me abroad for the future out of her
sight. I had been long afraid of this resolution, and (Thrown amongst a people described as about ninety feet therefore concealed from her some little unlucky high, Gulliver is taken in charge by a young lady connected adventures that happened in those times when I was with the court, who had two boxes made in which to keep him left by myself. Once a kite, hovering over the garand carry him about.]
den, made a stoop at me, and if I had not resolutely I should have lived happy enough in that country, drawn my hanger, and run under a thick espalier, he if my littleness had not exposed me to several ridi- would have certainly carried me away in his talons. culous and troublesome accidents, some of which I Another time, walking to the top of a fresh mole-hill, shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried I fell to my neck in the hole, through which that anime into the gardens of the court in my smaller box, mal had cast up the earth, and coined some lie, not and would sometimes take me out of it, and hold me worth remembering, to excuse myself for spoiling my in her hand, or set me down to walk. I remember, clothes. before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or morday into those gardens, and my nurse having set me tified to observe in those solitary walks that the down, he and I being close together, near some dwarf smaller birds did not appear to be at all afraid of apple trees,"I must need show my wit by a silly allu me, but would hop about me, within a yard's distance, sion between him and the trees, which happens to looking for worms and other food with as much inhold in their language as it doth in ours. Where- difference and security as if no creature at all were upon the malicious rogue watching his opportunity, near them. I remember, a thrush had the confidence when I was walking under one of them, shook it to snatch out of my hand, with his bill, a piece of directly over my head, by which a dozen apples, each cake that Glumdalclitch had just given me for my of them near as large as a Bristol barrel, came tumb- breakfast. When I attempted to catch any of these ling about my ears; one of them hit me on the back birds, they would boldly turn against me, endeavouras I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on ing to peck my fingers, which I durst not venture my face; but I received no other hurt, and the dwarf within their reach ; and then they would hop back was pardoned at my desire, because I had given the unconcerned to hunt for worms or snails, as they did provocation.
before. But one day I took a thick cudgel, and threw Another day Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth it with all my strength so luckily at a linnet, that I grass-plat to divert myself, while she walked at some knocked him down, and seizing him by the neck with distance with her governess. In the meantime there both my hands, ran with him in triumph to my nurse. suddenly fell such a violent shower of hail, that I was However, the bird, who had only been stunned, reimmediately by the force of it struck to the ground ; covering himself, gave me so many boxes with his and when I was down, the hail-stones gave me such wings on both sides of my head and body, though I cruel bangs all over the body, as if I had been pelted held him at arm's length, and was out of the reach of with tennis-balls ; however, I made a shift to creep his claws, that I was twenty times thinking to let him on all fours, and shelter myself by lying flat on my go. But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, face, on the lee-side of a border of lemon thyme, but who wrung off the bird's neck, and I had him next so bruised from head to foot, that I could not go day for dinner by the queen’s command. This linnet, abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat wondered at, because nature in that country observ- larger than an England swan. ing the same proportion through all her operations, a The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my hail-stone is Dear eighteen hundred times as large as sea-voyages, and took all occasions to divert me when one in Europe, which I can assert upon experience, I was melancholy, asked me whether I understood how having been so curious to weigh and measure thein. to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little exers
But a more dangerous accident happened to me in cise of rowing might not be convenient for my health? the same garden, when my little nurse, believing she I answered, that I understood both very well; for alhad put me in a secure place, which I often intreated though my proper employment had been to be surgeon her to do, that I might enjoy my own thoughts, and or doctor to the ship, yet often upon a pinch I was forced having left my box at home to avoid the trouble of to work like a common mariner. But I could not see carrying it, went to another part of the garden with how this could be done in their country, where the her governess and some ladies of her acquaintance. smallest wherry was equal to a first-rate man-of-war While she was absent, and out of hearing, a small among us, and such a boat as I could manage would white spaniel belonging to one of the chief gardeners, never live in any of their rivers. Her majesty said if having got by accident into the garden, happened to I would contrive a boat, her own joiner should make range near the place where I lay; the dog, following it, and she would provide a place for me to sail in, the scent, came directly up, and taking me in his The fellow was an ingenious workman, and, hy my inmouth ran straight to his master, waguing his tail, structions, in ten days finished a pleasure-boat, with and set me gently on the ground. By good fortune all its ckling, able conveniently to hold eight Eurohe had been so well taught, that I was carried between peans. When it was finished, the queen was so dehis teeth without the least hurt, or even tearing my lighted, that she ran with it in her lap to the king, clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well, I who ordered it to be put in a cisteru full of water with
me in it by way of trial ; where I could not manage and dragged me out. He took me up in his right foremy two sculls, or little oars, for want of room. But foot, and held me as a nurse does a child she is going the queen had before contrived another project. She to suckle, just as I have seen the same sort of creaordered the joiner to make a wooden trough of three ture do with a kitten in Europe; and when I hundred feet long, fifty broad, and eight deer, which offered to struggle, he squeezed me so hard, that I being well pitched, to prevent leaking, was placed on thought it inore prudent to submit.
I have good the floor along the wall in an outer room of the palace. reason to believe that he took me for a young one of It had a cock near the bottom to let out the water, his own species, by his often stroking my face very when it began to grow stale ; and two servants could gently with his other paw. In these dirersions he easily fill it in half an hour. Here I often used to was interrupted by a noise at the closet-door, as if row for my own diversion, as well as that of the queen somebody were opening it; whereupon he suddenly and her ladies, who thought themselves well enter | leaped up to the winduw, at which he had come in, tained with my skill and agility. Sometimes I would and thence upon the leads and gutters, walking upon put up my sail, and then my business was only to three legs, and holding me in the fourth, till he steer, while the ladies gave me a gale with their fans; clambered up to a roof that was next to ours. I and, when they were weary, some of the pages would heard Gluindalclitch give a shriek at the moment he blow my sail forward with their breath, while I showed was carrying me out. The poor girl was almost dismy art by steering starboard or larboard, as I pleased. tracted ; that quarter of the palace was all in an When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried back uproar; the servants ran for ladders; the monkey my boat into her closet, and hung it on a nail to dry. was seen by hundreds in the court, sitting upon the
In this exercise I once met an accident, which had ridge of a building, holding me like a baby in one of like to have cost me my life; for one of the pages his fore-paws, and feeding me with the other, by having put my boat into the trough, the governess, cramming into my mouth some victuals he had who attended Glumdalclitch, very officiously lifted me squeezed out of the bag on one side of his chaps, and up to place me in the boat, but I happened to slip patting me when I would not eat; whereat many of through her fingers, and should infallibly have fallen the rabble below could not forbear laughing ; neither down forty feet upon the floor, if, by the luckiest do I think they justly ought to be blamed, for withchance in the world, I had not been stopped by a out question the sight was ridiculous enough to everycorking-pin that stuck in the good gentlewoman's body but myself. Some of the people threw up stones, stomacher; the head of the pin passed between my hoping to drive the monkey down; but this was shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and thus I strictly forbidden, or else very probably my brains was held by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch had been dashed out. ran to my relief.
The ladders were now applied, and mounted by Another time, one of the servants whose office it several men, which the monkey observing, and finding was to fill my trough every third day with fresh water, himself almost encompassed, not being able to make was so careless as to let a huge frog (not perceiving it) speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a slip out of his pail. The frog lay concealed till I was ridge tile, and made his escape. Here I sat for some put into my boat, but then seeing a resting-place, time, five hundred yards froin the ground, expecting climbed up, and made it lean so much on one side, every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to that I was forced to balance it with all my weight on fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over the other, to prevent overturning. When the frog was and over from the ridge to the eaves ; but an honest got in, it hopped at once half the length of the boat, lad, one of my nurse's footmen,climbed up, and putting and then over my head, backwards and forwards, me into his breeches-pocket, brought me down safe. daubing my face and clothes with its odious slime. I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monThe largeness of its features made it appear the most key had crammed down my throat ; but my dear deformed animal that can be conceived. However, I little nurse picked it out of my mouth with a small desired Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it alone. I needle, and then I fell a vomiting, which gave me banged it a good while with one of my sculls, and at great relief. Yet I was so weak, and bruised in the last forced it to leap out of the boat.
sides with the squeezes given me by this odious aniBut the greatest danger I ever underwent in that mal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. kingdom was from a monkey, who belonged to one The king, queen, and all the court, sent every day to of the clerks of the kitchen. Glumdalclitch had inquire after my health, and her majesty made me locked me up in her closet, while she went somewhere several visits during my sickness. The monkey was upon business, or a visit. The weather being very killed, and an order made that no such animal should warm, the closet-window was left open, as well as the be kept about the palace. windows and the door of my bigger box, in which I When I attended the king after my recovery to reusually lived, because of its largeness and conveniency; turn him thanks for his favours, he was pleased to As I sat quietly meditating at my table, I heard rally me a good deal upon this adventure. He asked something bounce in at the closet-window, and skip me what my thoughts and speculations were while I about from one side to the other ; whereat, although lay in the monkey's paw ; how I liked the vicI were much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but tuals he gave me; his manner of feeding; and not stirring from my seat; and then I saw this frolic- whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my some animal frisking and leaping up and down, till stomach. He desired to know what I would hare at last he came to my box, which he seemed to done upon such an occasion in my own country. I view with great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at told his majesty that in Europe we had no monkeys the door and every window. I retreated to the farther except such as were brought for curiosities from other corner of my room, or box, but the monkey looking places, and so small, that I could deal with a dozen in at every side put me into such a fright, that I of them together, if they presumed to attack me. wanted presence of mind to conceal myself under the And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was bed, as I might easily have done. After some time so lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an ele. spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at last phant), if my fears had suffered me to think so far as espied me, and reaching one of his paws in at the to make use of my hanger looking fiercely, and clapdoor, as á cat does when she plays with a mouse, ping my hand upon the hilt as spoke) when he although I often shifted place to avoid him, he at poked his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should length seized the lappet of my coat (which, being have given him such a wound as would have made made of that country's silk, was very thick and strong), him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put
it in. This I delivered in a firm tone, like a person ploying spiders, the charge of dyeing silks would be who was jealous lest his courage should be called in wholly saved ; whereof I was fülly convinced when question. However, my speech produced nothing else be showed me a vast number of flies most beautifully besides loud laughter, which all the respect due to coloured, wherewith he fed his spiders; assuring us, his majesty from those about him could not make that the webs would take a tincture from them; and them contain. This made me reflect, how vain an as he had them of all hues, he hoped to fit everybody's attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do hiinself fancy, as soon as he could find proper food for the flies, honour among those who are out of all degree of of certain gums, oils, and other glutinous matter, tó equality or comparison with him. And yet I have give a strength and consistence to the threads. seen the moral of my own behaviour very frequent in There was an astronomer who had undertaken to England since my return, where a little contemptible place a sun-dial upon the great weathercock on the varlet, without the least title to birth, person, wit, or town-bouse, by adjusting the annual and diurnal mocommon sense, shall presume to look with importance, tions of the earth and sun, so as to answer and coinand put himself upon a foot with the greatest persons cide with all accidental turning of the winds. of the kingdom.
I visited many other apartments, but shall not
trouble my reader with all the curiosities I observed, [Satire on Pretended Philosophers and Projectors.]
being studious of brevity. [In the description of his fancied Academy of Lagado in I had hitherto only seen one side of the academy, Gulliver's Travels, Swift ridicules those quack pretenders to the other being appropriated to the advancers of spescience and knavish projectors who were so common in his culative learning, of whom I shall say something day, and whose schemes soinetimes led to ruinous and distress when I have mentioned one illustrious person more, ing consequences.]
who is called among them the universal artist. He I was received very kindly by the warden, and went told us he had been thirty years employing his for many days to the academy: Every room hath in thoughts for the improvement of human life. He it one or more projectors, and I believe I could not had two large rooms full of wonderful curiosities, and le in fewer than five hundred rooms.
fifty men at work ; some were condensing air into a dry The first man I saw was of a meagre aspect, with tangible substance, by extracting the nitre, and letsooty hands and face, his hair and beard long, ragged, ting the aqueous or fluid particles percolate ; others and singed in several places. His clothes, shirt, and softening marble for pillows and pin-cushions; others skin, were all of the same colour. He had been eight petrifying the hoofs of a living horse to preserve them years upon a project for extracting sun-beams out of from foundering. The artist himself was at that time cucumbers, which were to be put into vials hermeti- busy upon two great designs; the first to sow land cally sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw in- with chaff, wherein he affirmed the true seminal virclement summers. He told me he did not doubt in tue to be contained, as he demonstrated by several eight years more that he should be able to supply the experiments, which I was not skilful enough to coingovernor's gardens with sunshine at a reasonable rate; prehend. The other was, by a certain composition of but he complained that his stock was low, and in- gums, minerals, and vegetables, outwardly applied, treated me to give him something as an encourage to prevent the growth of wool upon two young lambs, ment to ingenuity, especially since this had been a and he hoped in a reasonable time to propagate the very dear season for cucumbers. I made him a small breed of naked sheep all over the kingdom. present, for my lord had furnished me with money on We crossed a walk to the other part of the academy, purpose, because he knew their practice of begging where, as I have already said, the projectors in specufrom all who go to see them.
lative learning resided. I saw another at work to calcine ice into gunpowder, The first professor I saw was in a very large room, who likewise showed me a treatise he had written with forty pupils about him. After salutation, obconcerning the malleability of fire, which he intended serving me to look earnestly upon a frame which took to publish.
up the greatest part of both the length and breadth of There was a most ingenious architect, who had con- the room, he said, perhaps I might wonder to see trived a new method for building houses, by beginning him employed in a project for improving speculativo at the roof, and working downwards to the founda- knowledge by practical and mechanical operations. tion; which he justified to me by the like practice of But the world would soon be sensible of its usefulness, those two prudent insects, the bee and the spider. and he flattered himself that a more noble exalted
In another apartment I was highly pleased with a thought never sprang in any other man's head. Every projector who had found a device of ploughing the one knew how laborious the usual method is of attainground with hogs, to save the charges of ploughs, | ing to arts and sciences ; whereas by his contrivance, cattle, and labour. The method is this : in an acre the most ignorant person, at a reasonable charge, and of ground, you bury, at six inches distance, and eight with a little bodily labour, may write books in philodeep, a quantity of acorns, dates, chesnuts, and other sophy, poetry, politics, law, mathematics, and theology, masts or vegetables, whereof these animals are fondest; without the least assistance from genius or study. He then you drive six hundred or more of them into the then led me to the frame, about the sides whereof all field, where in a few days they will root up the whole his pupils stood in ranks. It was twenty feet square, ground in search of their food, and make it fit for sow- placed in the middle of the room. The superficies ing, at the same time manuring it with their dung. It was composed of several bits of wood, about the bigis true, upon experiment they found the charge and ness of a die, but somo larger than others. They trouble very great, and they had little or no crop. were all linked together by slender wires. These bits However, it is not doubted that this invention may be of wood were covered on every square with paper capable of great improvement.
pasted on them; and on these papers were written all I went into another room, where the walls and ceil- the words of their language in their several moods, ing were all hung round with cobwebs, except a nar- tenses, and declensions, but without any order. The row passage for the artist to go in and out. At my professor then desired me to observe, for he was going entrance he called aloud to me not to disturb his to set his engine at work. The pupils, at his comwebs. He lamented the fatal mistake the world had mand, took each of them hold of an iron handle, been so long in, of using silk-worms, while we had whereof there were forty fixed round the edges of the such plenty of domestic insects, who infinitely excelled frame, and giving them a sudden turn, the whole disthe former, because they understood how to weave as position of the words was entirely changed. He then well as spin. And he proposed farther, that by em commanded six-and-thirty of the lads to read the
several lines softly as they appeared upon the frame; implements in his pockets and under his arms, enough and where they found three or four words together to supply him, and in his house he cannot be at a that might make part of a sentence, they dictated to loss; therefore the room where company meet to the four remaining boys, who were scribes. This work practise this art is full of all things ready at hand, was repeated three or four times, and at every turn requisite to furnish matter for this kind of artificial the engine was so contrived, that the words shifted converse. into new places as the square bits of wood moved Another great advantage proposed by this invention upside down.
was, that it would serve as a universal language to Six hours a-day the young students were employed be understood in all civilised nations, whose goods in this labour; and the professor showed me several and utensils are generally of the same kind, or nearly volumes in large folio, already collected, of broken reseinbling, so that their uses might easily be compresentences, which he intended to piece together, and hended. And thus ambassadors would be qualified out of those rich materials to give the world a com- to treat with foreign princes or ministers of state, to plete body of all arts and sciences, which, however, whose tongues they were utter strangers. might be still improved, and much expedited, if the I was at the mathematical school, where the master public would raise a fund for making and employing taught his pupils after a method scarce imaginable to five hundred such frames in Lagado, and oblige the us in Europe. The proposition and demonstration managers to contribute in common their several col. were fairly written on a thin wafer, with ink composed lections.
of a cephalic tincture. This the student was to He assured me that this invention had employed all swallow upon a fasting stomach, and for three days his thoughts from his youth ; that he had emptied following eat nothing but bread and water. As the the whole vocabulary into his frame, and made the wafer digested, the tincture mounted to his brain, strictest computation of the general proportion there bearing the proposition along with it. But the sucis in books, between the numbers of particles, nouns, cess hath not hitherto been answerable, partly by some and verbs, and other parts of speech.
error in the quantum or composition, and partly by I made my humblest acknowledgments to this il- the perverseness of lads; to whom this bolus is so lustrious person for his great communicativeness, and nauseous, that they generally steal aside, and dispromised, if ever I had the good fortune to return to charge it upwards before it can operate; neither have my native country, that I would do him justice, as they been yet persuaded to use so long an abstinence the sole inventor of this wonderful machine, the form as the prescription requires. and contrivance of which I desired leave to delineate In the school of political projectors I was but ill upon paper. I told him, although it were the custom entertained, the professors appearing in my judgment of our learned in Europe to steal inventions from each wholly out of their senses, which is a scene that never other, who had thereby at least this advantage, that it fails to make me melancholy. These unhappy people became a controversy which was the right owner, yet were proposing schemes for persuading monarchs to I would take such caution that he should have the choose favourites upon the score of their wisdom, honour entire without a rival.
capacity, and virtue; of teaching ministers to consult We next went to the school of languages, where the public good ; of rewarding merit, great abilities, three professors sat in consultation upon improving and eminent services; of instructing princes to know that of their own country.
their true interest, by placing it on the same foundaThe first project was to shorten discourse by cutting tion with that of their people; of choosing for employpolysyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and ments persons qualified to exercise them; with many participles ; because, in reality, all things imaginable other wild impossible chimeras, that never entered are but nouns.
before into the heart of man to conceive, and conThe other was a scheme for entirely abolishing all firmed in me the old observation, that there is nothing words whatsoever; and this was urged as a great ad- so extravagant and irrational which some philosophers vantage in point of health as well as brevity : for, it have not maintained for truth. is plain, that every word we speak is in some degree But, howerer, I shall so far do justice to this part a diminutation of our lungs by corrosion, and conse- of the academy, as to acknowledge that all of them quently contributes to the shortening of our lives. were not so visionary. There was a most ingenious Ân expedient was therefore offered, that since words doctor, who seemed to be perfectly versed in the are only names for things, it would be more conve- whole nature and system of government. This illusnient for all men to carry about them such things as trious person had very usefully employed his studies were necessary to express the particular business they in finding out effectual remedies for all diseases and are to discourse on. And this invention would cer- corruptions to which the several kinds of public adtainly have taken place, to the great ease as well as ministration are subject by the vices or infirmities of health of the subject, if the women, in conjunction those who govern, as well as by the licentiousness of with the vulgar and illiterate, had not threatened to those who are to obey. For instance, whereas all raise a rebellion, unless they might be allowed the writers and reasoners have agreed that there is a strict liberty to speak with their tongues, after the manner universal resemblance between the natural and poliof their forefathers; such constant irreconcilable ene-tical body, can there be anything more evident ihan mies to science are the common people. However, that the health of both must be preserved, and the many of the most learned and wise adhere to the new diseases cured, by the same prescriptions. It is alscheme of expressing themselves by things; which lowed that senates and great councils are often hath only this inconvenience attending it, that if a troubled with redundant, ebullient, and other peccant man's business be very great, and of various kinds, he humours; with many diseases of the head, and more must be obliged in proportion to carry a greater of the heart; with strong con rulsions; with grierous bundle of things upon his back, unless he can afford contractions of the nerves and sinews in both hands, one or two strong servants to attend him. I have but especially the right; with spleen, flatus, vertigoes, often beheld two of those sages almost sinking under and deliriums; with scrofulous tumours full of the weight of their packs, like pedlers among us, who, fætid purulent matter ; with sour frothy ruetations; when they met in the streets, would lay down their with canine appetites, and crudeness of digestion ; loads, open their sacks, and hold conversation for an besides many others needless to mention. This doctor hour together; then put up their implements, help therefore proposed, that upon the meeting of a senate, each other to resume their burdens, and take their certain physicians should attend at the three first days leave. But, for short conversations, a man may carry of their sitting, and at the close of each day ! debate