at a lofs for an artificial lufus nature; nay, it has been reported, that he has fold seven petrified lobfters of his own manufacture to a noted collector of rarities; but this the learned Cracovius Putridus has undertaken to refute in a very elaborate differtation.

His laft wonder was nothing more than an halter, yet by this halter he gained more than by all his former exhibitions. The people, it feems, had got it in their heads, that a certain noble criminal was to be hanged with a filken rope. Now there was nothing they fo much defired to fee as this very rope; and he was refolved to gratify their curiofity: he therefore got one made, not only of filk, but to render it more striking, feveral threads of gold were intermixed. The people paid their money only to fee filk, but were highly fatisfied when they found it was mixed with gold into the bargain. It is fcarcely neceffary to mention, that the projector fold his filken rope for almost what it had coft him, as foon as the criminal was known to be hanged in hempen materials.

By their fondness of fights, one would be apt to imagine, that instead of defiring to fee things as they fhould be, they are rather folicitous of feeing them as they ought not to be. A cat with four legs is difregarded, though never fo useful; but if it has but two, and is confequently incapable of catching mice, it is reckoned ineftimable, and every man of tafte is ready to raise the auction. A man, though in his perfon faultlefs as an aerial genius, might ftarve; but if ftuck over with hideous warts like a porcupine, his fortune is made for ever, and he may propagate the breed with impunity and applause.

A good woman in my neighbourhood, who was bred an habit-maker, though the handled her needle tolerably well, could fcarcely get employment. But being obliged by an accident to have both her

4.

hands

hands cut off from the elbows, what would in another country have been her ruin, made her fortune here, fhe now was thought more fit for her trade than before; business flowed in apace, and all people paid for feeing the mantua-maker who wrought without hands.

A gentleman fhewing me his collection of pictures, ftopped at one with peculiar admiration; there, cries he, is an ineftimable piece. I gazed at the picture for fome time, but could fee none of thofe graces with which he feemed enraptured; it appeared to me the moft paltry piece of the whole collection: I therefore demanded where those beauties lay, of which I was yet infenfible. Sir, cries he, the merit does not confift in the piece, but in the manner in which it was done. The painter drew the whole with his foot, and held the pencil between his toes: I bought it at a very great price; for peculiar merit fhould ever be rewarded.

But these people are not more fond of wonders than liberal in rewarding those who fhew them. From the wonderful dog of knowledge at present under the patronage of the nobility, down to the man with the box, who profeffes to fhew the best imitation of Nature that was ever feen, they all live in luxury. A finging woman fhall collect fubfcriptions in her own coach and fix; a fellow fhall make a fortune by toffing a ftraw from his toe to his nofe; one in particular has found that eating fire was the moft ready way to live; and another who gingles feveral bells fixed to his cap, is the only man that I know of who has received emolument from the labours of his head.

A young author, a man of good-nature and learning, was complaining to me fome nights ago of this mifplaced generofity of the times. Here, fays he, have 1 fpent part of my youth in attempting to inftruct and amufe my fellow-creatures, and

all

all my reward has been folitude, poverty, and reproach; while a fellow, poffeffed of even the fmalleft fhare of fidling merit, or who has perhaps learned to whiftle double, is rewarded, applauded, and careffed! Prythee, young man, fays I to him, are you ignorant, that in fo large a city as this, it is better to be an amufing than an ufeful member of fociety? Can you leap up, and touch your feet four times before you come to the ground? No, Sir. Can you pimp for a man of quality? No, Sir. Can you ftand upon two horfes at full fpecd? No, Sir. Can you fwallow a pen-knife? I can do none of thofe tricks. Why then, cried I, there is no other prudent means of fubfiftence left but to apprize the town that you speedily intend to eat up your own nofe, by fubfcription.

I have frequently regretted that none of our Eaftern posture-mafters or fhew-men have ever ventured to England. I fhould be pleased to fee that money circulate in Afia, which is now fent to Italy and France, in order to bring their vagabonds hither. Several of our tricks would undoubtedly give the English high fatisfaction. Men of fathion would be greatly pleafed with the poftures as well as the condefcenfion of our dancing girls; and ladies would equally admire the conductors of our fireworks. What an agreeable furprize would it be to fee a huge fellow with whifkers flash a charged blun · derbufs full in a lady's face, without finging her hair, or melting her pomatum. Perhaps when the firft furprize was over, the might then grow familiar with danger; and the ladies might vie with each other in ftanding fire with intrepidity. "

But of all the wonders of the Eaft, the most useful, and I fhould fancy the most pleasing, would be the looking-glafs of Lao, which reflects the mind as well as the body. It is faid that the emeror Chufi ufed to make his concubines drefs their

heads

$

heads and their hearts in one of these glaffes every morning; while the lady was at her toilet, he would frequently look over her shoulder; and it is recorded, that among the three hundred which compofed his feraglio, not one was found whofe mind was not even more beautiful than her perfon.

I make no doubt but a glass in this country would have the very fame effect. The English ladies, concubines and all would undoubtedly cut very pretty figures in fo faithful a monitor. There, fhould we happen to peep over a lady's fhoulder while dreffing, we mght be able to fee neither gaming or ill-nature; neither pride, debauchery, nor a love of gadding. We fhould find her, if any fenfible defect appeared in the mind, more careful in rectifying it, than plastering up their reparable decays of the perfon; nay, I am even apt to fancy, that ladies would find more real pleafure in this utenfil in private, than in any other bauble imported from China, though never fo expenfive or amufing.

LETTER XLV.

TO THE SAME.

UPON finishing my last letter I retired to reft, reflecting upon the wonders of the glass of Lao, withing to be poffeffed of one here, and refolved in fuch a cafe to oblige every lady with a fight of it for nothing. What fortune denied me waking, fancy fupplied in a dream; the glafs, I know not how, was put into my poffeffion, and I could perceive fe

veral ladies approaching, fome voluntarily, others driven forward against their wills by a fet of difcontented genii, whom by intuition I knew were their husbands.

The apartment in which I was to fhow away was filled with feveral gaming tables, as if juft forfaken; the candles were burnt to the focket, and the hour was five o'clock in the morning. Placed at one end of the room, which was of prodigious length, I could more eafily diftinguifh every female figure as The marched up from the door; but guefs my furprize, when I could fcarcely perceive one blooming or agreeable face among the number. This, however, I attributed to the early hour, and kindly confidered that the face of a lady juft rifen from bed ought always to find a compaffionate advocate.

The first person who came up in order to view her intellectual face was a commoner's wife, who, as I afterwards found, being bred up during her virginity in a pawn-broker's fhop, now attempted to make up the defects of breeding and fentiment by the magnificence of her drefs, and the expenfivehefs of her amufements. Mr. Showman, cried fhe, approaching, I am told you bas fomething to fhew in that there fort of magic lanthorn, by which folks can fee themselves on the infide; I proteft, as my lord Beetle fays, I am fure it will be vaftly pretty, for I have never seen any thing like it before. But how; are we to ftrip off our cloaths and be turned infide out? if fo, as lord Beetle fays, I abfolutely declare off; for I would not ftrip for the world before a man's face, and fo I tells his lordship almost every night of his life. I informed the lady that I would difpenfe with the ceremony of ftripping, and, immediately prefented my glass to her view.

As when a first-rate beauty, after having with difficulty escaped the fmall pox, revifits her favouVOL. III.

N

rite