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Epi. Oḥ, lord, gentlemen! lay hold on him, for Heaven's sake. What shall I do? Who's his phys fician (can you tell) that knows the state of his body best, that I might fend for him? Good Sir, speak: I'll send for one of my doctors elfe.
Mor. What, to poison me, that I might die intestate, and leave you possess’d of all ?
Epi. Lord, how idly he talks, and how his eyes sparkle! He looks green about the temples ! Do you see what blue spots he has ?
Cler. Ay, it is melancholy.
Daw. The disease in Greek is called María, in Latin, Infania.
Mor. Shall I have a lecture read upon me alive?
Epi. But what is this to the cure? we are sure enough of the disease.
Mor. Let me go ! Tru. Why, we'll entreat her to hold her peace; Sir.
Mor. Oh, no; labour not to stop her. She is like a conduit-pipe, that will gush out with more force when she opens again. Oh, oh!
Epi. Sure he would do well enough, if he could sleep. Mor. No, I should do well enough, if you could
sleep. Have I no friend, that will make her drunk,
Tru. Why, Sir, she talks ten times worse in her
Mor. How !
Cler. Do you know that, Sir? never ceases all night.
Tru. And snores like a pig.
Mor. Oh, redeem me, Fate; redeem me, Fate ! For how many causes may a man be divorc'd, nephew ?
Dau. I know not, truly, Sir.
Tru. Some divine must resolve you in that, Sir, or canon-lawyer.
Mor. I will not rest, I will not think of any other hope or comfort, till I know. So it would rid me of her, I would do penance in a bellfry, with a ring of ten bells; in a cockpit; at the death of a stag; the Tower-Wharf: London-Bridge; Billingsgate, when the noises are at their height and loudest. Nay, I would fit out a play, that were nothing but fights at sea, drums, trumpets, and target.
[Exit with Dau.
Tru. You'll make him mad indeed, ladies, if
Hau. No, we'll let him breathe now, a quarter of an hour or so.'Cler. By my faith, a large truce.
Pori Hau. Is that his keeper, that is gone with him ?
Daw. It is his nephew, madam.
Daw. As can be. This marriage has put him out of all.
La-F. He has not a penny in his purse, madam.
La-F. A very fark; he set me i'th' nick t'other night at Primero.
Tru. How these swabbers talk!
Cler. Ay, Otter's wine has swelld their humours above a spring-tide.
Hau. Good Morose, let's go in again!
[Exeunt ladies, Daw, and La-Foole
Epicene following is recalled by Tru. Tru. Do you hear, lady bride ? I pray thee now, as thou art a noble wench, continue this discourse of Dauphine within; but praise him exceedingly; magnify him with all the height of affection thou canft; (I have some purpose in't) and do but beat
: off these two rooks, Jack Daw and his fellow, with any discontent, and I'll honour thee for ever.
Epi. I warranty you; you shall expect one of 'em presently
[Exit. Cler. What a cast of castrils are these, to hawk w after ladies thus !
Tru. Ay, and strike at such an eagle as Dauphine.
Cler. He will be mad, when we tell him. Here he comes.
Enter Dauphine. Oh, Sir, you are welcome!
Tru, Where's thine uncle ?
Daú. Run out o' doors in's night-caps, to talk with a casuist about his divorce. It works admirably.
Tru. Thou wouldłt ha' said so, an thou hadīt been here ! The ladies have laugh'd at thee most comically, since thou went's, Dauphine.
Cler. And ak'd, if thou wert thine uncle's keeper.
Tru. And the brace of baboons answer'd Yes, and faid, thou wert a pitiful poor fellow, and hadst nothing but three suits of apparel, and some few benevolences that the lords gave thee to fool to 'em, and swagger. Dau. Let me not live, I'll beat 'em; I'll bind
'em both to grand-madam's bed-posts, and have 'em baited with monkies.
Tru. Thou shalt not need, they shall be beaten to thy hand, Dauphine. I have an execution to serve upon 'em ; trust my plot.
Dau. Ay, you have many plots! So you hrad one, to make all the wenches in love with me.
Tru. Why, if I do not yet afore night, as near as 'tis, and that they do not every one invite thee, and be ready to search for thee, take the mortgage of my wit.
Cler. I'll be his witness; thou shalt have it, Dauphine. Thou shalt be his fool for ever, if thou dost not.
Tru. Agreed. Perhaps 'twill be the better estate. But I'll not forfeit my sureties. Thou shalt wreak revenge on these wits and braveries of the time, Dauphine, and even thereby become the idol, the reigning favourite of all the Collegiates. The device shall be mine, the pleasure thine own, and Daw and La-Foole shall make themselves over to laughteş for ever.