and tolerably good-natured; for my lord and Sir Paul were not yet arrived. I now thought myfelf completely fitted, and refolving to feek no farther, determined to take up my refidence here for the winter; while my temper began to open infenfibly to the cheerfulness I faw diffused on every face in the room but the delufion foon vanished, when the waiter came to apprize us that his lordship and Sir Paul were juft arrived. From this moment all our felicity was at an end; our new guests buftled into the room, and took their feats at the head of the table. Adieu now all confidence; every creature ftrove who fhould moft recommend himself to our members of diftinction. Each feemed quite regardless of pleafing any but our new guests; and what before wore the appearance of friendship, was now turned into rivalry. Yet I could not observe that amidst all this flattery and obfequious attention our great men took any notice of the reft of the company. Their whole difcourfe was addreffed to each other. Sir Paul told his lordship a long story of Moravia the Jew; and his lordship gave Sir Paul a very long account of his new method of managing filk-worms; he led him and confequently the reft of the company through all the ftages of feeding, funning, and hatching; with an episode on mulberry-trees, a digreffion upon grafs feeds, and a long parenthesis about his new poftilion. In this manner we travelled on, wifhing every story to be the laft; but all in vain. "Hills over hills, and Alps on Alps arofe." The last club, in which I was inrolled a member, was a fociety of moral philofophers, as they called themselves, who affembled twice a week, in order to fhow the abfurdity of the prefent mode of religion, and establish a new one in its ftead. I found the members very warmly difputing when I arrived; not indeed about religion or ethics, but about who had neglected to lay down his preliminary fix-pence upon entering the room. prefident fwore that he had laid his own down, and fo fwore all the company. The During this conteft I had an opportunity of obferving the laws, and alfo the members of the fociety. The prefident who had been, as I was told, lately a bankrupt, was a tall pale figure with a long black wig; the next to him was dreffed in a large white wig and a black cravat; a third by the brownnefs of his complexion feemed a native of Jamaica; and a fourth by his hue appeared to be a blacksmith. But their rules will give the most just idea of their learning and principles. I. We being a laudable fociety of moral philofophers, intends to difpute twice a week about religion and prieftcraft. Leaving behind us old wives tales, and following good learning and found fense: and if so be, that any other persons has a mind to be of the fociety, they fhall be entitled fo to do, upon paying the fum of three fhillings to be spent by the company in punch. II. That no member get drunk before nine of the clock, upon pain of forfeiting three pence, to be fpent by the company in punch. III. That as members are fometimes apt to go away without paying, every perfon fhall pay fixpence upon his entering the room; and all difputes Thall be fettled by a majority; and all fines fhall be paid in punch. IV. That fix-pence fhall be every night given to the prefident, in order to buy books of learning for the good of the fociety; the prefident has already put himself to a good deal of expence in buying books for the club; particularly, the works of Tully, Socrates, Socrates, and Cicero, which he will foon read to the fociety. V. All them who brings a new argument against religion, and who being a philofopher, and a man of learning, as the reft of us is, fhall be admitted to the freedom of the fociety, upon paying fix-pence only, to be spent in punch. VI. Whenever we are to have an extraordinary meeting, it fhall be advertised by fome outlandish name in the newspapers. SAUNDERS MAC WILD, prefident, ANTHONY BLEWIT, vice-prefident, his mark. WILLIAM TURPIN, fecretary. ESSAY II, WE E effayifts, who are allowed but one fubject at a time, are by no means fo fortunate as the writers of magazines, who write upon feveral. If a magaziner be dull upon the Spanish war, he foon has us up again with the ghoft in Cock-lane; if the reader begins to doze upon that, he is quickly rouzed by an eastern tale; tales prepare us for poetry, and poetry for the meteorological history of the weather. It is the life and foul of a magazine never to be long dull upon one subject; and the reader, like the failor's horse, has at leaft the comfortable refreshment of having the fpur often changed. As I fee no reafon why they fhould carry off all the rewards of genius, I have fome thoughts for the future of making this effay a magazine in miniature: I fhall hop from fubject to fubject, and, if properly X 4 properly encouraged, I intend in time to adorn my feuille volant with pictures. But to begin in the ufual form with A Modeft Addrefs to the Public. The publick has been fo often impofed upon by the unperforming promifes of others, that it is with the utmost modefty, we affure them of our inviolable defign of giving the very beft collection that ever aftonished society. The publick we honour and regard, and therefore to inftruct and entertain them is our highest ambition, with labours calculated as well for the head as the heart. If four extraordinary pages of letter-prefs be any recommendation of our wit, we may at leaft boaft the honour of vindicating our own abilities. To fay more in favour of the Infernal Magazine, would be unworthy the publick; to fay lefs, would be injurious to ourfelves. As we have no interested motives for this undertaking, being a fociety of gentlemen of diftinction, we difdain to eat or write like hirelings; we are all gentlemen refolved to fell our fixpenny magazine merely for our own amusement. Be careful to aík for the Infernal Magazine. Dedication to that most ingenious of all Patrons May it please your EXCELLENCY, As your taste in the fine arts is univerfally allowed and admired, permit the authors of the Infernal Magazine to lay the following sheets humbly at your Excellency's toe; and fhould our labours ever have the happiness of one day adorning the courts of Fez, we doubt not that the influence wherewith we are honoured, fhall be ever retained with the most warm ardour by, May it please your Excellency, Your moft devoted humble fervants, The Authors of the INFERNAL MAGAZINE. A Speech Spoken by the Indigent Philofopher, to perfuade his Club at Cateaton to declare War against Spain. My honeft friends and brother politicians; I perceive that the intended war with Spain makes many of you uneafy. Yesterday, as we were told, the ftocks rofe, and you were glad; to-day they fall, and you are again miferable. But, my dear friends, what is the rifing or the falling of the ftocks to us, who have no money? Let Nathan Ben Funk, the Dutch Jew, be glad or forry for this; but my good Mr. Bellows-mender, what is all this to you or me? You must mend broken bellows, and I write bad profe, as long as we live, whether we like a Spanish war or not. Believe me, my honest friends, whatever you may talk of liberty and your own reason, both that liberty and reafon are conditionally refigned by every poor man in every fociety; and, as we are born to work, fo others are born to watch over us while we are working. In the name of common-fenfe then, my good friends, let the great keep watch over us, and let us mind our bufinefs, and perhaps we may at laft get money ourselves, and fet beggars at work in our turn. I have a Latin fentence that is worth its weight in gold, and which I fhall beg leave to tranflate for your inftruction. An author, called Lilly's Grammar, finely obferves, that " Æs Es in præ"fenti perfectum format ;" that is " Ready money "makes a perfect man ;" Let us then get ready money; and let them that will spend theirs by going to war with Spain. Rules for Behaviour drawn up by the Indigent Philofopher. If you be a rich man, you may enter the room with three loud hems, march deliberately up to the chimney, |