CHAPTER XVI

SHORT STORIES, IDEAS, AND QUOTATIONS

Lincoln's own estimate of his mental powers-Sentence of Calhoun's speech-General Grant's whisky-His reply to a titled applicant-Canvased hams-The jack-knife story -Brigadiers and horses-Size of the Confederate Army"There's one of my children isn't dead yet!”—The strict judge-"On the Lord's side "-The henpecked husband"How many legs will a sheep have?" -The three pigeons on a fence-"Not rebels, but Confederates."

MR. SPEED, Lincoln's old Springfield friend, says: "He read law, history, philosophy, and poetry-Burns, Byron, Milton, or Shakespeare— and the newspapers, retaining them all about as well as an ordinary man would any one of them who made any one of them a study. I once remarked to him that his mind was a wonder to me; that impressions were easily made upon it and never effaced.

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“No,' said he, 'you are mistaken. I am slow to learn and slow to forget that which I have learned. My mind is like a piece of steel -very hard to scratch anything on it, and almost

impossible after you get it there to rub it out.'

Mr. Speed added: "The beauty of his character was its entire simplicity. He had no affectation in anything."

Lincoln greatly admired a sentence from Calhoun's speech replying to Mr. Clay, in the Senate, in which Mr. Clay had quoted precedent: Mr. Calhoun replied that "to legislate upon precedent is to make the error of yesterday the law of to-day."

General Grant's Whisky

Just after the battle of Pittsburg Landing a self-constituted committee of prohibitionists took it upon themselves to visit the President and urge the removal of Grant. The President, greatly surprised, inquired for what reason. Why," replied the spokesman, "he drinks too much whisky."

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"Ah!" rejoined Lincoln, dropping his lower jaw; "by the way, gentlemen, can any one of you tell me where General Grant procures his peculiar whisky, because if I can find out I will send every general in the field a barrel of it!"

Noble Titles no Obstacle to Advancement

Lincoln's dry humor is very aptly illustrated by the following: During the latter part of the war a former lieutenant in a foreign army, whose

debts had compelled him to leave his native land, was admitted to the President and offered his services in the Union Army. Lincoln accepted the offer and promised him a commission.

The young man was so elated at his success that he could not resist the desire to exploit his title of nobility, and said, in an appropriately modest and deprecating manner: "Mr. President,

in

my own country my family is noble, and I bear a title of very ancient nobility. I"

Mr. Lincoln here, with a twinkle in his eye, interrupted in a friendly and reassuring manner, saying:

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Oh, never mind that; you will find that to be no obstacle to your advancement."

Canvased Hams

Mr. Lincoln was always ready to laugh at the expense of his own person. One evening at the White House when dressed for a State dinner, conversing with some gentlemen, he held up his big, long hands, encased in white kid gloves, remarking with a laugh: "One of my Illinois friends could never see my hands in this predicament without being reminded of canvased hams!"

The Jack-knife Story

He used to tell the following story with great glee:

"In the days when I used to be on the circuit, I was once accosted in the cars by a stranger, who said:

"Excuse me, sir, but I have an article which belongs to you.'

"How is that?' I asked, considerably aston

ished.

"The stranger took a jack-knife from his pocket.

"This knife,' said he, hands some years ago, and

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was placed in my with the injunction that I was to keep it until I found a man uglierlooking than myself. I have carried it from that time to this; allow me now to say, sir, that I think you are fairly entitled to the property.'"

Brigadiers and Horses

Of a juvenile brigadier-general who, with his horse, had been captured by the Confederates, Lincoln said to a friend who brought him the news: "I am sorry to lose the horse."

"What do you mean?" inquired his friend.

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'Why, I mean,” replied Lincoln, “that I can make a better brigadier-general any day; but those horses cost the Government one hundred and twenty-five dollars a head."

The Size of the Confederate Army

Toward the latter part of the war a gentleman asked the President how large the Confederate

Army was, and to his great astonishment he replied: "The Confederates have 1,200,000 men in the field."

"Is it possible?" inquired the man.

how did you find out?"

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"And

"Why," said Lincoln, every general in the Union Army whenever he gets licked says the rebels outnumbered him three or four to one; now we have at this time about 400,000 men, and three times that number would be 1,200,000, wouldn't it?"

"There's One of my Children isn't Dead yet!"

During the darkest days of the war a telegram was received by Lincoln from Cumberland Gap, stating "that firing was heard in the direction of Knoxville."

"I'm glad of it!" exclaimed the President.

Some one present, who had the perils of Burnside's position uppermost in his mind, asked:

"Why are you glad of it, Mr. President?"

"Why, you see," answered Lincoln, "it reminds me of Mrs. Sallie Ward, a neighbor of mine, who had a large family; occasionally one of her numerous progeny would be heard crying in some out-of-the-way place, upon which Mrs. Ward would exclaim: Thank the Lord, there's one of my children isn't dead yet!"