on both fides; even thy virginity put to the touchstone! but this last danger I plunged thee in myself; to leave thee in the room with two fuch robust young fellows. TOWNLEY. Ay, with two young fellows! but, my dear, I know you did it ignorantly. FOSSILE. This is the first bleft minute of repofe that I have enjoyed in matrimony. Doft thou know the reason, my dear, why I have chosen thee of all womankind? My face, perhaps? TOWNLEY. FOSSILE. No. TOWNLEY. My wit? FOSSILE. No. TOWNLEY. My virtue and good humour? FOSSILE. No. But for the natural conformity of our conftitutions. Because thou art hot and moist in the third degree, and I myself cold and dry in the first. TOWNLEY. And fo Nature has coupled us like the elements. FOSSILE. Thou haft nothing to do but to submit thy conftitution to my regimen. TOWNLEY, You fhall find me obedient in all things. FOSSILE. It is ftrange, yet, certain, that the intellects of the infant depend upon the fuppers of the parents. Diet must be prescrib'd. TOWNLEY. So the wit of one's pofterity is determin'd by the choice of one's cook. FOSSILE. Right. You may observe how French cooks, with their high ragouts, have contaminated our plain English understandings. Our fupper to-night is extracted from the best authors. How delightful is this minute of tranquillity! my foul is at eafe. How happy fhalt thou make me! thou shalt bring me thẹ finest boy! [A knocking at the door, No mortal fhall enter thefe doors this day. [Knocking again.] Oh, it must be the news of poor Lady Hippokekoana's death. Poor woman! fuch is the condition condition of life, fome die, and fome are born, and I fhall now make fome reparation for the mortality of my patients by the fecundity of my wife. My dear, thou shalt bring me the finest boy! Enter FOOTMAN. FOOTMAN. Sir, here's a feaman from Deptford must needs speak with you. FOSSILE. Let him come in. One of my retail Indian mer. chants, I suppose, that always brings me fome odd thing. Enter SAILOR, with a Child. What haft thou brought me, friend?-a young drill! SAILOR. Look ye, d'ye fee, Mafter, you know best whether a monkey begot him. FOSSILE. A mere human child! TOWNLEY. I am Thy careleffness, Sarfnet, has exposed me. loft and ruin'd. O heav'n! heav'n! Now, impu dence, assist me! [Afide. Z 4 FOSSILE. FOSSILE. Is the child monstrous? or doft thou bring him here to take phyfic? SAILOR. I care not what he takes, fo you take him. FOSSILE. What does the fellow mean? SAILOR. Fellow me no fellows. My name is Jack Capstone of Deptford; and are not you the man that has the raree-show of oyfter-fhells and pebble-stones? What if I am? FOSSILE. SAILOR. Why, then my invoice is right; I must leave my cargo here. TOWNLEY. Miferable woman that I am! how shall I support this fight! thy bastard brought into thy family as foon as thy bride! FOSSILE. Patience, patience, I befeech you. Indeed, I have no posterity. TOWNLEY. You lafcivious brute, you! FOSSILE FOSSILE. Paffion is but the tempeftuous cloud that obfcures reason; be calm, and I'll convince you. Friend, how come you to bring the infant hither? SAILOR. My wife, poor woman, could give him fuck no longer; for fhe died yesterday morning. There's a. long account, Mafter. It was hard to trace him to the fountain-head. I fteer'd my course from lane to lane; I spoke to twenty old women, and at last was directed to a ribbon-shop in Covent-garden, and they sent me hither; and fo take the bantling, and pay me his clearings. [Offers him the Child. FOSSILE. I fhall find law for you, firrah. Call my neighbour Poffum; he is a juftice of peace, as well as a physician. TOWNLEY. Call the man back. If you have committed one folly, don't expose yourself by a fecond. SAILOR. The gentlewoman fays well. Come, Mafter, we all know that there is no boarding a pretty wench, without charges one way or other; you are a doctor, Master, and have no furgeons' bills to pay; and fo can the better afford it. TOWNLEY. |