provocation of thirst; that we fat whole nights drinking ftrong liquors without eating a bit, which difpofed us to floth, inflamed our bodies, and precipitated or prevented digeftion. That proftitute female yahoos acquired a certain malady, which bred rottennefs in the bones of those who fell into their embraces; that this and many other diseases were propagated from father to fon; so that great numbers come into the world with complicated maladies upon them: that it would be endlefs to give him a catalogue of all difeafes incident to human bodies; for they could not be fewer than five or fix hundred fpead over every limb and joint; in fhort, every part, external and inteftine, having diseases appropriated to itfelf. To remedy which there was a fort of people bred up among us in the profeffion, or pretence, of curing the fick. And becaufe I had fome fkill in the faculty, I would, in gratitude to his honour, let him know the whole myftery and method, by which they proceed.

Their fundamental is, that all difeafes arife from repletion; from whence they conclude, that a great evacuation of the body is neceffary either through the natural paffage, or upwards at the mouth. Their next bufinefs is from herbs, minerals, gums, oils, fhells, falts, juices, fea-weed, excrements, barks of trees, ferpents, toads, frogs, fpiders, dead mens flesh and bones, birds, beafts, and filhes, to form a compofition for fmell and taste the most abominable, naufeous, and deteftable, they can poffibly contrive, which the ftomach immediately rejects with loathing; and this they call a vomit : or elfe from the fame ftore houfe, with fome other poifonous additions, they command us to take in at the orifice above or below (juft as the phyfician then happens to be difpofed,) a medicine equally annoying and difguftful to the bowels; which, relaxing the belly, drives down all before it ; and this they call a purge or a clyfter. For Nature (as the physicians.

phyficians alledge,) having intended the fuperior anterior orifice only for the intromiffion of folids and liquids, and the inferior pofterior for ejection; thefe artifts ingenioufly confidering that in all difeafes Nature is forced out of her feat, therefore to replace her in it, the body muft be treated in a manner directly contrary, by interchanging the use of each orifice; forcing folids and liquids in at the anus, and making evacuations at the mouth.

But befides real difeafes, we are subject to many that are only imaginary, for which the physicians have invented imaginary cures: these have their feveral names, and to have the drugs that are proper for them; and with thefe our female yahoos are always infested.

One great excellency in this tribe is their skill at prognostics, wherein they feldom fail; their predictions in real difeafes, when they rife to any degree of malignity, generally portending death, which is always in their power, when recovery is not: and therefore, upon any unexpected figns of amendment after they have pronounced their fen-tence, rather than be accused for falfe prophets, they know how to approve their fagacity to the world by a seasonable dose.

They are likewife of fpecial ufe to hufbands and wives, who are grown weary of their mates: to eldeft fons, to great minifters of state, and often to princes.

I had formerly upon occafion difcourfed with my mafter upon the nature of government in general, and particularly of our own excellent conftitution, defervedly the wonder and envy of the whole world. But having here accidentally mentioned a minister of state, he commanded me some time af-ter to inform him, what fpecies of yahoo I particularly meant by that appellation...

I told him, that a firft or chief minister of state, who was the perfon I intended to describe, was a

S3

creature:

creature wholly exempt from joy and grief, love and hatred, pity and anger; at leaft makes use of no other paffions, but a violent defire of wealth, power, and titles; that he applies his words to all ufes, except to the indication of his mind; that he never tells a truth but with an intent that you fhould take it for a lie; nor a lie, but with a design that you should take it for a truth; that those he fpeaks worst of behind their backs, are in the fureft way of preferment; and whenever he begins to praife you to others, or to yourself, you are from that day forlorn. The worft mark you can receive is a promife, efpecially when it is confirmed with an oath, after which every wife man retires, and gives over all hopes.

There are three methods, by which a man may rife to be chief minifter. The firft is, by knowing how with prudence to difpofe of a wife, a daughter, or a fister; the fecond, by betraying or undermining his predeceffor; and the third is, by a furious zeal in public aff mblies against the corruptions of the court. But a wife prince would rather choose to employ thofe, who practife the laft of these methods; becaufe fuch zealots prove always the most obfequious and fubfervient to the will and paffions of their mafter. That thefe minifters, having all employments at their difpofal, preferve themfelves in power, by bribing the majority of a fenate or great council; and at laft by an expedient, called an act of indemnity, (whereof I defcribed the nature to him,) they fecure themselves from after-reckon. ings, and retire from the public, laden with the fpoils of the nation.

The palace of a chief minister is a feminary to breed up others in his own trade: the pages, lacquies, and porter, by imitating their mafter, become minifters of ftate in their feveral diftricts, and learn to excel in the three principal ingredients, of infolence, lying, and bribery. Accordingly they have a fubaltern

a fubaltern court paid to them by perfons of the beft rank; and fometimes, by the force of dexterity and impudence, arrive, through several gradations, to be fucceffor to their lord.

He is ufually governed by a decayed wench, or favourite footman, who are the funnels through which all graces are conveyed, and may properly be called, in the laft refort, the governors of the kingdom. One day in difcourfe, my master having. heard me mention the nobility of my country, was pleased to make me a compliment, which I could not pretend to deferve that he was fure I muft have been born of fome noble family, because I far exceeded in fhape, colour, and cleanlinefs, all the yahoos of this nation, although I feemed to fail in ftrength and agility, which must be imputed to my different way of living from thofe other brutes; and befides I was not only endued with the faculty of fpeech, but likewife with fome rudiments of reafon, to a degree, that with all his acquaintance I paffed for a prodigy.

He made me obferve, that among the Houyh-nhnms, the white, the forrel, and the iron grey, were not fo exactly shaped as the bay, the dapple grey, and the black; nor born with equal talents of mind, or a capacity to improve them; and therefore continued always in the condition of fervants, without ever afpiring to match out of their own race, which in that country would be reckoned monftrous and unnatural.

I made his honour my most humble acknowledgements for the good opinion he was pleafed to conceive of me; but affured him, at the fame time, that my birth was of the lower fort, having been born of plain honeft parents, who were juft able to give me a tolerable education; that nobility, among us was altogether a different thing from the idea he had of it; that our young noblemen are bred from their childhood in idlenefs and luxury; that, as

foon

foon as years will permit, they confume their vigour, and contract odious diseases among lewd females; and when their fortunes are almost ruined, they marry fome woman of mean birth, disagreea-ble perfon, and unfound conftitution, merely for the fake of money, whom they hate and despise. That the productions of fuch marriages are generally fcrophulous, rickety, or deformed children; by which means the family feldom continues above three generations, unlefs the wife takes care to provide a healthy father among her neighbours or do-metics, in order to improve and continue the breed: That a weak difeafed body,, a meagre conntenance, and fallow complexion, are the true marks of noble blood; and a healthy robuft appearance, is fo difgraceful in a man of quality, that the world. concludes his real father to have been a groom, or a coachman. The imperfections of his mind run parallel with thofe of his body, being a compofition of fpleen, dulnefs, ignorance, caprice, fenfuality, and pride.

Without the confent of this illuftrious body, no law can be enacted, repealed, or altered; and thefe nobles have likewife the decifions of all our poffefhons, without appeal.

CHAP. VII.

The author's great love of his native country. His mafter's obfervations upon the conftitution and adminiftration of England, as defcribed by the author with parallel cafes and comparisons. His maftor's obfervations upon human nature.

THE HE reader may be disposed to wonder, how I could prevail on myfelf to give a true reprefenta