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the members fat, adminifter to each of them lenitives, aperitives, abfterfives, corrofives, reftringents, palliatives, laxatives, cephalalgics, icterics, apophlegmatics, acoustics, as their feveral cafes required; and, according as thefe medicines fhould operate, repeat, alter, or omit them at the next meeting.

This project could not be of any great expence to the public; and might, in my poor opinion, be of much use for the dispatch of bufinefs in those countries, where fenates have any fhare in the legiflative power; beget unanimity, fhorten debates, open a few months which are now clofed, and close many more which are now open; curb the petulancy of the young, and correct the pofitiveness of the old; rouze the ftupid, and damp the pert.

Again; becaufe it is a general complaint, that the favourites of princes are troubled with fhort and weak memories; the fame doctor propofed, that whoever attended a first minifter, after having told his bufinefs with the utmost brevity and in the plaineft words, fhould at his departure give the faid minister a tweak by the nose, or a kick in the belly, or tread on his corns, or lug him thrice by both ears, or run a pin into his breach, or pinch his arm black and blue, to prevent forgetfulness: and at every levee day repeat the fame operation, till the bufinefs were done or abfolutely refused.

He likewife directed, that every fenator in the great council of a nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the defence of it, fhould be obliged to give his vote directly contrary: becaufe, it that were done, the refult would infallibly terminate in the good of the public.

When parties in a ftate are violent, he offer ed a wonderful contrivance to reconcile them. The method is this: you take an hundred leaders of each party; you difpofe them into couples of fuch, whole heads are nearest of a fize; then let two nice

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operators faw off the occiput of each couple at the fame time in fuch a manner, that the brain may be equally divided. Let the occiputs thus cut off be interchanged, applying each to the head of his oppofite party-man. It feems indeed to be a work that requireth fome exactnefs, but the profeffor affured us, that, if it were dextrously performed, the cure. would be infallible. For he argued thus; that the two half-brains, being left to debate the matter between themselves within the space of one skull, would foon come to a good understanding, and produce that moderation, as well as regularity of thinking, fo much to be wifhed for in the heads of those, who imagine they come into the world only to watch and govern its motion: and, as to the difference of brains in quantity or quality, among those who are directors in faction, the doctor affured us from his own knowledge, that it was a perfect trifle.

I heard a very warm debate between two profeffors, about the most commodious and effectual ways and means of raising money without grieving the fubject. The first affirmed, the jufteft method would be to lay a certain tax upon vices and folly; and the fum, fixed upon every man, to be rated after the fairest manner by a jury of his neighbours. The fecond was of an opinion directly contrary; to tax thofe qualities of body and mind, for which men chiefly value themfelves! the rate to be more or lefs according to the degrees of excelling; the decifion whereof fhould be left entirely to their own breaft. The higheft tax was upon men, who are the greatest favourites of the other fex, and the affeffiments according to the number and natures of the favours they have received; for which they are allowed to be their own vouchers. Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewife propofed to be largely taxed, and collected in the fame manner, by every perfon's giving his own word for the quantum

of

of what he poffeffed. But as to honour, juflice, wisdom, and learning, they fhould not be taxed at all; becaufe they are qualifications of fo fingular a kind, that no man will either allow them in his neighbour, or value them in himself.

The women were propofed to be taxed according to their beauty and fkill in drefling; wherein they had the fame privilege with the men, to be determined by their own judgement. But conftancy, chaftity, good fenfe, and good nature, were not rated, because they would not bear the charge of collecting.

To keep fenators in the intereft of the crown, it was propofed, that the members fhould rafile for employments; every man firft taking an oath, and giving fecurity, that he would vote for the court, whether he won or no; after which the lofers hadin their turn the liberty of raffling upon the nextvacancy. Thus hope and expectation would be kept alive; none would complain of broken promifes, but impute their difappointments wholly tofortune, whofe fhoulders are broader and ftronger than thofe of a miniftry.

Another profeffor fhewed me a large paper of inftructions for difcovering plots and confpiraciesagainst the government. He advifed great ftatef men to examine into the diet of all fufpected perfons; their times of eating; upon which fide they lay in bed; with which hand they wiped their pofteriors; to take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the adour, the tafte, the confiftence, the crudeness, or maturity of digeftion, form a judgement of their thoughts and defigns. Because men are never fo ferious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at ftool, which he found... by frequent experiment: for in fuch conjunctures,. when he ufed merely as a trial to confider which was the best way of murdering the king, his ordure. would have a tincture of green; but quite different, when

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when he thought only of raifing an infurrection, or burning the metropolis.

The whole difcourfe was written with great acuteness, containing many obfervations both curious and useful for politicians; but, as I conceived, not altogether compleat. This I ventured to tell the author, and offered if he pleased to supply him with fome additions. He received my propo fition with more compliance, than is ufual among writers, efpecially thofe of the projecting species; profeffing he would be glad to receive farther information.

I told him, that in the kingdom of Tribnia, by the natives called Langdon, where I had fojourned fome time in my travels, the bulk of the people confist in a manner wholly of difcoverers, witneffes, informers, accufers, profecutors, evidences, fwearers, together with their feveral fubfervient and fub. altern inftruments, all under the colours, the conduct, and pay of ministers of state and their deputies. The plots in that kingdom are ufually the workmanship of thofe perfons who defire to raise their own characters of profound politicians; to reftore new vigour to a crazy adminiftration; to ftifle or divert general discontents; to fill their coffers with forfeitures; and raife or fink the opinion of public credit, as either shall best answer their private advantage. It is first agreed, and fettled among them, what fufpected perfons fhall be accused of a plot: then, effectual care is taken to fecure all their letters and papers, and put the owners in chains. Thefe papers are delivered to a fet of artists, very dexterous in finding out the myfterious meanings of words, fyllables, and letters; for inftance, they can discover a clofe-ftool to fignify a privy council; a flock of geefe, a fenate; a lame dog *, an invader; the plague, a standing army;

See the proceedings againft Dr. Atterbury, Bishop of Rochester. State-Trials, vol. vi.

a buzzard,

a buzzard, a prime minifter; the gout, a high priest; a gibbet, a fecretary of state; a chamberpot, a committee of grandees; a fieve, a courtlady; a broom, a revolution; a moufe-trap, an employment; a bottomlefs pit, a treafury; a fink, a court; a cap and bells, a favourite; a broken reed, a court of juftice; an empty tun, a general; a running fore, the adminiftration.

When this method fails, they have two others more effectual, which the learned among them call acroftics and anagrams. First, they can decypher all initial letters into political meanings. Thus, N fhall fignify a plot, B, a regiment of horfe, L, a fleet at fea: or, Secondly, by tranfpofing the letters of the alphabet in any fufpected paper, they can lay open the deepest designs of a difcontented party. So for example, if I should fay in a letter to a friend, Our brother Tom has just got the piles, a fkilful decypherer would difcover, that the fame letters, which compofe that fentence, may be analyfed into the following words, Refift, is brought home The Tour. grammatic method.

a plot And this is the ana

The profeffor made me great acknowledgements for communicating thefe obfervations, and promifed to make honourable mention of me in his treatife.

I faw nothing in this country, that could invite me to a longer continuance, and began to think of returning home to England.

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