to make a pilgrimage of the circumference of his half acre, his shoes lined with peas, we doubt not that he will be happy to take a hint from a brother pilgrim and penitent, of former days, and be especially careful to have them well boiled.

A long loud laugh on the part of one of the first mentioned gentlemen was followed by, "He cannot certainly think of marrying her. Her personal attractions are not great, although her professional skill and talents may be deemed so; besides, she's a foot taller than little Spiff. They might play the giantess and Tom Thumb. And her mysterious conduct in regard to Trowbridge, both before and after his death, is too notorious to allow of such an alliance with a man of Spiffards correct way of thinking."

"But," said the other, who was no less a personage than Thomas Apthorpe Cooper, the justly celebrated histrion; "She bears the name of a man high in his profession as a tragedian, and Spiff may know nothing of her story, as he came to New-York after Trowbridge's death, and long subsequent to the affair to which you allude."

“He was then, and for some years before, in England,” said the other.

"Hilson knew him there," said the tragedian, "See, he is coming out of the theatre with his friend Tam."

As we mention the names of two well-known personages, and shall hereafter in the course of our narrative frequently introduce more of the same description, let us pause for explanation. When we call a character by the name of a real person, dead or alive, still the actions of such character, as connected with this tale, are in general purely imaginary; and the deeds, thoughts and words imputed to him or her, mere inventions of the author's brain, meant to give point to the moral of his story, or add to the amusement of his readers. As Walter Scott makes use of the names of Cromwell, Charles Stuart, Ireton, Claverhouse, Montrose and others to decorate his characters withal, so we in our humble history of domestic life, take those of Cooke, Cooper, Hilson and other mimic heroes and and mimic villains, for our purposes, as well as some well known names of politicians and professional men of that time. If the action or incident attributed to the person is real, the reader may look for a note indicating it to be so. But we will not, if we have any skill in our vocation, appropriate actions to any one, bearing the name of a real personage, which shall be at variance with the general character of the person from whom the name is borrowed; although we might plead in ex

cuse that, the great Scotch novelist has made the greatest man in England play the part of commander of a sergeant's guard, or a bailiff with a search warrant, when he (Oliver Cromwell) was in possession of supreme power. Once for all, we protest that this real history is an unreal mockery as it respects characters and events: all is a fabricated tissue wrought by the brain, or the imagination, from the materials collected during a long and variegated life. But as all images must have had existence from previous impressions made by realities, the fantastic combination, which we intend to present, may leave a lesson of profit on the memory, for the reader's conduct in real life.

For we do believe that our book contains true pictures of human nature, and that the actions therein described are the actions of men and women, appropriate to real men and women in similar circumstances, and that the consequences we attribute to the actions of our imaginary characters are the result of such actions, and will ever result from them. Therefore is our book, although a novel and a fiction, a book of truth; calculated to amend the heart, while it enlists the imagination under the colours of fancy.

But to proceed.-The tragedian and his companion, having again turned, had reached one of the avenues of the Park on the east side, and were in full view of the theatre. The herculean gentleman took a quizzing glass from his pocket and applying it to one eye, said, "It is Spiff and Tam, sure enough. Suppose you introduce the subject of the lady, and the world's babble about her, to show Spiff that we have heard something, if he has not."

"Agreed," said the tragedian. "We shall have some sport at any rate. It will be nuts for Tam." The two gentlemen from the theatre had now advanced to the gate of the park opposite Beekman-street, and were entering the enclosure.

As one of the new-comers is the principal actor in our Drama, and as both once were the very soul of hilarity-the delight of the laughter-loving throngs who crowd play-houses to see the creatures of Shakspeare and Sheridan, Coleman and O'Keefe to gaze at scenes of imaginary magnificence, and forget the poverty they have left at home; as both are important to the readers of this work, and one the very pivot on which all our machinery turns, we will introduce them by a graphic description of their persons.

Zebediah Spiffard, or as his companions familiarly called him, "Zeb. Spiff." was in height rather less than five feet five inches. He was remarkably square and muscular, at the

same time that he looked attenuated from the absence of all those unctuous particles which give plumpness and swelling contour to persons who like him are possessed of youth, and endowed with health, strength and activity. There was no rounding of feature or limb; all was angular and sharp. His head was large and thickly covered with coarse sandy hair, (or rather a bright orange red,) and his face was long enough for a man of six feet. This face was in every feature, and in the physiognomical combination (if we may be allowed the expression) truly remarkable. The forehead was low, the eyebrows bushy, strongly marked, and almost meeting; they were attached to powerful muscles, and could be moved in various directions: his eyes were large and prominent, the colour of the iris hazle, naturally bright, but so covered by the upper lid, as, when not animated by passion, or excited by mirth, to appear sleepy and lifeless; yet occasionally full of fire; and capable, in concert with the flexible brows, of great comic expression, as well as strong and concentrated marks of emotion. The nose belonging to this extraordinary face was thin, high, and extremely hooked; with wide, ever-moving nostrils. The cheeks hollow, freckled, and pale; the mouth wide, lips thin, and bloodless; teeth long, regular and white; the chin square, yet sharp, having an edge though no point: in short, such a combination of feature and limb in face and person, was never seen before nor since. Spiffard's gait was as singular as his physiognomy. His step was long, slow, and slouching; and although he bore his head erect (as most short people do) he walked with his body bent a little forward at every stride. His voice was strong and clear; usually pitched high, but of great compass; and his enunciation was deliberate and distinct in conversation, but on the stage, in such characters as required the effort, it was uncommonly rapid, without losing force or distinctness. was Zebediah Spiffard, a Yankee by birth, and a water-drinker in practice.

Such

Spiffard's companion at this time was Thomas Hilson; who, in appearance was a contrast to the Yankee water-drinker, though in height and breadth nearly the same, probably an inch or two taller. His frame well proportioned to his head. His muscles full and round. All his form indicating power without the hardness of his companion's. His dark hair curled naturally and gracefully. His forehead was high and white. His eyes small, black, and laughing. His nose far from prominent, and partaking of the rubies of his cheeks and mouth, which both glowed with the richest natural carmine that health could be

stow; the cheeks and chin only rivalled by the colour of the lips. His whole physiognomy marked by youth, fun, frolic, and intelligence.

Hilson's gait was erect, firm, and elastic. His voice deep and powerful. His enunciation always rapid, and accompanied by a slight lisp. Such were the two dissimilar persons who now joined the tragedian and his companion within the precincts of the Park.

"Well Tam" said Cooper, accosting Hilson familiarly, "what is doing on the stage?"

66.

Strange doings are going forward," was the reply." Old Cooke is rehearsing a love scene with Mrs. Trowbridge: that's strange, because she generally chooses younger lovers-but what is not strange-he is under the influence of last night's jollification rather blind."

"And how does Mrs. Trowbridge take blind love?" asked the tragedian, chuckling to find Hilson stumbling at the first step on the subject he wished.

"Very kindly," replied the ruddy comedian: "as ladies should take love. The blind are entitled to pity, and pity leads the soul to love."

"A man must be blind in some way or other who could make love to Mrs. Trowbridge," said Allen-for such was the name of the tragedian's herculean companion, the man with the imperial nose, towering height, and circassian skin.

The four young men appeared to be well acquainted with each other-indeed on terms of intimacy-and when this chat first began, Allen had saluted Spiffard with the air of every-day familiarity. The latter had not yet spoken; but with a constrained smile and half closed eyes appeared not to notice the words of his companions.

"What do you mean?" said the laughing tragedian, addressing the last speaker, 66 sure you would not disparage her charms? They are undeniably great. I think, Allen, she would overtop you. And for weight-your scale would kick the beam if we gave you half a hundred as a make-weight."

"Heaven forbid," replied Allen," that I should be weighed in the same scales with a lady of such ponderous person and gossi mer reputation. Besides, I hope never to come so near her high weightiness as only to be divided from her by the length of a scale-beam."

Spiffard affected to laugh. His face was convulsed. A slight flush passed over his pallid cheek. His under mandible was projected, and his thin lips quivered. He at length with a ghastly

smile said, "very gallant! Gentlemen! Ha ha! Very gallant! and no doubt very witty."

"Does she not-?" asked Allen, sinking the last word in Hilson's ear.

"It is more than suspected" said Hilson-" and as to the mother" here was another mysterious whisper, and Spiffard made another convulsive and abortive attempt at a laugh.

"I do not believe it of the daughter," said the tragedian. "By the by, Spiff," said Hilson, "they begin to talk of you and the lady; and it has been currently reported that you have made proposals and further they do say that she does not look down upon, but condescendingly stoops to meet your lofty pretensions. If it should be so-all I say is-such a pair is the long and the short of matrimonial felicity."

"Ha ha ha! well said Tam!-but will the water-drinker, the man whose cold cup never coddles his calculation, the philosopher whose transparent draught never discolours the object he contemplates-will he, take such a leap in the dark! The cold-blooded sage whose cup can never excuse a desperate act! Why if common fame says true-"

The tragedian was fortunately interrupted. Spiffard cut short the intended portentous on dit by exclaiming, "You are very facetious gentlemen! But I must stop the current of your mirth even at the risk that its overflow may blast some unprolected name. I now inform you that your merriment is misdirected, as the person of whom you speak is my wife. Mrs. Trowbridge that was, is now Mrs. Spiffard." While the three stood aghast-after a pause, he added, "I am her protectorand that gentlemen, is the, long and the short, of it."

Great as we are at descriptions of the human countenance divine, we will not attempt to portray the faces of either the face-making tragedian or comedian, on hearing this speech from Spiffard. The curtain no longer half hid the sleepy eye. It turned flashing from one to the other, while the flushed cheek and bent brow spoke displeasure. Allen, a mere tyro in the art of face-making, was motionless and dumb. He looked any where but at Spiffard. The tragedian and comedian (Cooper and Hilson) exchanged glances; and the latter, with a tone in which good sense and good nature combined said, "Pooh, pooh, we have carried the joke too far-Beg your pardon, Spiff. We knew it. Wish you joy with all my heart---but you deserve all the hoax for stealing a march on us. A married man should never attempt to pass for a bachelor. We shall insist on a treat