A great man,

As far as I see, all the good our English
Have got by the late voyage is but merely

A fit or two o' the face; but they are shrewd ones;
For when they hold 'em, you would swear directly
Their very noses had been counsellors

To Pepin or Clotharius, they keep state so.—

They have all new legs, and lame ones: one would take it,
That never saw them pace before, the spavin

Or springhalt reign'd among them.

Death! my lord,

Their clothes are after such a pagan cut too,

That, sure, they 've worn out Christendom.-H. VIII., i. 3.
I'll warrant; I know by the picking on 's teeth.-W. T., iv. 3.
Now your traveller,-

He and his toothpick at my worship's mess;
And when my knightly stomach is suffic'd,
Why then I suck my teeth, and catechise
My picked man of countries:-"My dear sir,"
Thus, leaning on mine elbow, I begin,

"I shall beseech you "-that is question now;
And then comes answer like an Absey-book:
"Oh, sir," says answer, "at your best command;
At your employment; at your service, sir;'
"No, sir," says question, "I, sweet sir, at yours:'
And so, ere answer knows what question would,—
Saving in dialogue of compliment,

And talking of the Alps and Appenines,
The Pyrannean, and the river Po,-

It draws towards supper in conclusion so.
But this is worshipful society.—John, i. 1.

In the following passages he satirises a fashion affected by amorous young gentlemen of wearing slovenly attire:

Oh, that you had mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered!—

What should I see then?

Your own present folly, and her passing deformity; for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.—Two G. of V., ii. 1.

A beard neglected,-which you have not your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe untied, and everything about you demonstrating a careless desolation; but you are no such man,-you are rather point-device in your accoutrements, as loving yourself, than seeming the lover of any other. As You L., iii. 2.

Lord Hamlet, with his doublet all unbrac'd;

No hat upon his head; his stockings foul'd,
Ungarter'd and down-gyved to his ancle;

Pale as his shirt; his knees knocking each other;

And with a look so piteous in purport

As if he had been loosed out of hell

To speak of horrors, he comes before me.—
Mad for thy love ?-Hamlet, ii. I.

In the following he satirises several accomplishments in which those who wished to acquire the reputation of being dashing fellows strove for proficiency :

I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by their Christian names, as,-Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation, that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like Falstaff; but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy, (by

the Lord, so they call me,) and when I am king of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they cry "Hem!" and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life.-1 H. IV., ii. 4.

He plays at quoits well; and eats conger and fennel; and drinks off candles'-ends for flap-dragons; and rides the wild mare with the boys; and jumps upon joint-stools; and swears with a good grace; and wears his boot very smooth, like unto the sign of the leg; and breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories; and such other gambol faculties he has, that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits him for the prince himself is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.-2 H. IV., ii. 4.

In the next he satirises the vice of immoderate drinking :

I learned it in England, where, indeed, they are most potent in potting: your Dane, your German, and your swag-bellied Hollander . . . are nothing to your English he drinks you, with facility, your Dane dead drunk; he sweats not to overthrow your Almain; he gives your Hollander a vomit, ere the next pottle can be filled.-Oth., ii. 3.

In the next he satirises a set of boasters who gain false reputation for courage and military experience :

Why, 'tis a gull, a fool, a rogue, that now and then goes to the wars, to grace himself, at his return into London, under the form of a soldier. And such fellows are perfect in the great commanders' names: and they will learn you by rote where services were done;-at such and such a sconce, at such a breach, at such a convoy; who came off bravely, who was shot, who disgraced, what terms the enemy stood on; and this they con perfectly in the phrase of war, which they trick up with new-tuned oaths: and what a beard of the general's cut, and a horrid suit of the camp, will do among foaming bottles, and ale-washed wits, is wonderful to be thought on.— H. V., iii. 6.

And, in the next, another set of vapouring braggarts :

Scambling, out-facing, fashion-mong'ring boys,

That lie, and cog, and flout, deprave, and slander,

Go anticly, and show outward hideousness,

And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,

How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst.-M. Ado, v. 1. In the following passages he satirises the absurd "laws of the duello," and the coxcombries of professed duellists :

:

Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club; and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier. The first and second cause will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the duello he regards not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his glory is, to subdue men.-Love's L. L., i. 2.

I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.-And how was that ta'en up ?— Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.-How seventh cause? . . . how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?-Upon a lie seven times removed . . . I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again, it was not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: this is called the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: this is called the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lie: this is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so to the Lie circumstantial and the Lie direct.-And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut?—I durst go no farther than the Lie circumstantial, nor be durst not give me the Lie direct; and so we measured swords and parted.-Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?—Oh, sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first. the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the

Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the Lie direct; and you may avoid that too, with an "if." I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an "if," as, "If you said so, then I said so": and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your "if" is the only peace-maker; much virtue in "if."-As You L., V. 4.

But thou liest in thy throat *

Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.-Still you keep on the windy side of the law.t-Tw. N., iii. 4.

There's no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you.-Ibid., iii. 4.

He is the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the very first house,-of the first and second cause: ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hay!-R. & Jul., ii. 4.

In the following he holds up to ridicule quarrellers for quarrelling's sake; and renders the satire the more pungent by putting it into the mouth of one who picks a quarrel on the very first occasion, and loses his life thereby :

Thou art like one of those fellows that, when he enters the confines of a tavern, claps me his sword upon the table, and says, "God send me no need of thee!" and, by the operation of the second cup, draws it on the drawer, when, indeed, there is no need

thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more, or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no other reason, but because thou hast hazel eyes; what eye, but such an eye, would spy out such a quarrel? Thy head is as full of quarrels, as an egg is full of meat; and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as an egg, for quarrelling. Thou hast quarrelled with a man for coughing in the street, because he hath wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun: didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing his new doublet before Easter? with another, for tying his new shoes with old riband?—Ibid., iii. 1.

In the following there is keen satire and fine irony of commendation implying profoundest censure, upon the reckless squandering of life and wealth in a quarrel for supposed national aggrandisement :

Truly to speak, and with no addition,
We go to gain a little patch of ground,
That hath in it no profit but the name.
To pay five ducats, five, I would not farm it;
Nor will it yield to Norway, or the Pole,
A ranker rate, should it be sold in fee.-

Why, then the Polack never will defend it.

The phrase "in thy throat" was reckoned by the laws of duelling an inexpiable affront, when appended to the form of giving the lie. "Thou liest " might be explained away; but "thou liest in thy throat was an affront that could only be washed out by blood.

+ This refers to another appended phrase, pronounced by the laws of duelling to be an inexpiable offence, save by fighting. It was just permissible to tell a gentleman he behaved “like a rogue and a villain"; but not to say "like a rogue and a villain, as thou art." Fabian hoaxingly comforts Sir Andrew by assuring him that the wording of his challenge keeps him on the safe side, and screened from the consequences of infringing the laws of honour as laid down by the duellists' code; but he omits to point out the sentence (" thou liest in thy throat") whereby he violates them.

Yes, 'tis already garrison'd.—

Two thousand souls, and twenty thousand ducats,
Will not debate the question of this straw;

This is the imposthume of much wealth and peace,

That inward breaks, and shows no cause without

Why the man dies. . . . Examples, gross as earth, exhort me:
Witness this army, of such mass and charge,

Led by a delicate and tender prince;

Whose spirit, with divine ambition puff'd,
Makes mouths at the invisible event;
Exposing what is mortal, and unsure,
To all that fortune, death, and danger, dare,
Even for an egg-shell. Rightly to be great,
Is not to stir without great argument,
But greatly to find quarrel in a straw,
When honour's at the stake. . . . I see
The imminent death of twenty-thousand men,
That, for a fantasy and trick of fame,
Go to their graves like beds; fight for a plot
Whereon the numbers cannot try the cause,
Which is not tomb enough and continent
To hide the slain.-Hamlet, iv. 4.

...

And, in the following few lines, he gives a pungent satire upon soldiering as a profitable profession :

What would you have me do? go to the wars, would you; where a man may serve seven years for the loss of a leg, and have not money enough in the end to buy him a wooden one?-Per., iv. 6.

In the following passages he satirises the affectation of larding discourse with French scraps and phrases :

Pourquoi, my dear knight ?—What is pourquoi? do or not do?—Tw. N., i. 3. Dieu vous garde, monsieur.-Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.-I hope, sir, you are and I am yours.—Ibid., iii. 1.

Speak it in French, king; say, pardonnez moy.

not understand.-R. II., v. 3.

...

The chopping French we do

That is the rendezvous of it. . . . Coupe le gorge! that is the word.-H. V., ii. 1. These strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these pardonnez-mois, who stand so much on the new form, that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? Oh, their bons, their bons! Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your French slop.-R. & Jul., ii. 4.

...

In the following he satirises affectedly dashing and fantastical talk [See AFFECTED PHRASEOLOGY]:

Noble heroes, my sword and yours are kin. Good sparks and lustrous, a word. good metals:-you shall find in the regiment of the Spinii one Captain Spurio, with his cicatrice, an emblem of war; here on his sinister cheek; it was this very sword entrenched it say to him, I live; and observe his reports for me. . . . Mars dote on you for his novices! . . . Use a more spacious ceremony to the noble lords; you have restrained yourself within the list of too cold an adieu: be more expressive to them: for they wear themselves in the cap of the time, there do muster true gait, eat, speak. and move under the influence of the most received star; and though the devil lead the measure, such are to be followed: after them, and take a more dilated farewell. -All's W., ii. I.

In the following he satirises would-be philosophers :

They say miracles are past; and we have our philosophical persons, to make modern and familiar, things supernatural and causeless. Hence is it that we make trifles of terrors; ensconcing ourselves into seeming knowledge, when we should submit ourselves to an unknown fear.-Ibid., ii. 3.

In the following passages he has a gird at the pedantry of logic and rhetoric:

Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it is a figure in rhetoric, that drink, being poured out of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse is he: now, you are not ipse, for I am he.-As You L., v. I.

For, as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, "That, that is, is;" so I, being master parson, am master parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is ?—Tw. N., iv. 2.

In the following passages he mocks at the fashion of affecting melancholy-an affectation which was evidently a special object of detestation to his cheerful and appreciative nature:

They say you are a melancholy fellow.

I am so; I do love it better than laughing.

Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows, and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.

Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.

Why, then, 'tis good to be a post.

I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation: nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; nor the soldier's, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these; but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects; and, indeed, the sundry contemplation of my travels; which, by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadness.

A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason to be sad: I fear you have sold your own lands, to see other men's: then, to have seen much, and to have nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands.

Yes, I have gained my experience.

And your experience makes you sad: I had rather have a fool to make me merry, than experience to make me sad; and to travel for it too!-As You L., iv. 1.

By my troth, I take my young lord to be a very melancholy man ... he will look upon his boot and sing; mend the ruff, and sing; ask questions, and sing; pick his teeth, and sing. I know a man that had this trick of melancholy sold a goodly manor for a song.-All's W., iii. 2.

Yet, I remember, when I was in France,

Young gentlemen would be as sad as night,

Only for wantonness.-John, iv. 1.

In the following passages he satirises the assumption of its being an aristocratic privilege to swear:—

Not swear it, now I am a gentleman? Let boors and franklins say it, I'll swear it.-W. T., v. 2.

And such protest of pepper gingerbread,

To velvet-guards, and Sunday citizens.-1 H. IV., iii. 1.

A rascally yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand upon security!-2 H. IV., i. 2.

In the following he satirises persons who are fidgettily anxious to claim high relationship:—

Like those that are kin to the king; for they never prick their finger but they say, "There is some of the king's blood spilt." "How comes that?" says he, that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as ready as a borrower's cap, “I am the king's poor cousin, sir."

Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japhet.—Ibid., ii. 2.