I desire it may be no disadvantage to me, that, by the new act parliament are going to pass for preserving the game, I am not yet qualified to keep a grey-hound. If this should be the test of squirehood, it will go hard with a great number of my fraternity, as well as myself, who must all be unsquired, because a greyhound. will not be allowed to keep us company; and it is well known I have been a companion to his betters. What has a greyhound to do with a squireship? might not I be a real squire, although there was no such thing as a greyhound in the world? Pray tell me, sir, are greyhounds to be from henceforth the supporters of every squire's coat of arms? although I cannot keep a greyhound, may not a greyhound help to keep me ? may not I have an order from the governors of the bank to keep a greyhound, with a non obstante to the act of parliament, as well as they have created a bank against the votes of the two houses? but, however, this difficulty will soon be overcome. I am promised 125l. a year for subscribing 500l.; and, of this 500l. I am to pay in only 251. ready money: the governors will trust me for the rest, and pay themselves out of the interest by 251. per cent. So that I intend to receive only 401. a year, to qualify me for keeping my family and a greyhound, and let the remaining 851. go on till it makes 500l. then 1000l. then 10,000l. then 100,000%. then a million, and so forward. This, I think, is much better (betwixt you and me) than keeping fairs, and buying and selling bullocks; by which I find, from experience, that little is to be gotten in these hard times. I am sir, Your friend and servant to command, Postscript. I hope you will favourably represent my case to the publisher of the paper above mentioned. Direct your letter for A. B. Esquire, at -- in pray get some parliament-man to frank it, for it will cost a groat postage to this place. A LETTER, ΤΟ MRS. SUSANNAH NEVILLE.* MADAM, June 24, 1732. I WILL not trouble you with any grave tophics, lest I should discurmode you; but rather write in a armiliar and jocossious way. You must know then, I was the other night at Mrs. Tattle's, and Mrs. Rattle came in to drink some jocklit with us, upon which they fell into a nargiment about the best musicioners in town. At last, Rattle told Tattle, that she did not know the difrence between`a song and a tympany. They were going to defer the matter to me; but I said that, when people disputed, it was my way always to stand muter. You would have thought they were both intosticated with liquor, if you had seen them so full of outrageousness. However, Mrs. Tattle, as being a very timbersome woman, yielded to Rattle, and there was an end of the disputement. I wonder you do not honour me sometimes with your company. If I myself be no introducement,.my garden, which has a fine ruval look, ought to be one. My Tommy would be glad to see you before he goes for England, and so would I; for I am resolved to take the tower of London before I return. We intend to go to Norfolk or Suf folk, to see a clergyman, a near cousin of ours. They *This letter is fictitious, and was written by Dr. Sheridan. D. S. say that he is an admiral good man, and very horspital in his own house. I am determ'd, when this vege is over, never to set my foot in a stagecoach again; for the jolting of it has put my blood into such a firmament, that I have been in an ego ever since, and have lost my nappetite to such a degree that I have not eaten a manston of bread put all together these six weeks past. They allow me to eat nothing at night but blanchius manshius, which has made a perfect natomy of me; and my spirits are so extorted, that I am in a perfect liturgy; for which I am resolved to take some rubrick, although the doctors advise me to drink burgomy. And what do you think? when I went to my cellar for a flask, I found that my servants had imbellished it all: for which I am resolved to give them some hippocockeny to bring it up again. I fear that I have been too turbulent in this long and tedious crawl; which I hope you will excuse from, your very humble servant, MARY HOWE. 02 THE DRAPIER'S LETTER TO THE GOOD PEOPLE OF IRELAND. 1745. MY DEAR COUNTRYMEN, IT is now some considerable time since I troubled you with my advice;* and, as I am growing old and infirm, I was in good hopes to have been quietly laid in my grave, before any occasion offered of addressing you again but my affection for you, which does not decay, though my poor body does, obliges me once more to put you in mind of your true interests, that you may not unwarily run yourselves into danger and distress, for want of understanding, or seriously considering it. I have many reasons to believe, that there are not few among you, who secretly rejoice at the rebellion It is very manifest that this letter was not written by the Dean; but, as it was at the time intended to be considered as his, and on that supposition had actually a good effect, it is here preserved as a curiosity. The reader may see its history in the following extract from Dr. Maty's Memoirs of Lord Chesterfield. "Dean Swift was still alive, when Lord Chesterfield arrived [in Ireland, in the character of lord lieutenant,] but reduced to a state of total dotage and nsensibility, which one month after ended in his death. This short interval was laid hold of, to publish under his name a new letter of a Drapier to the good people of Ireland, and particularly to the poor papists. It was so much in the Dean's style, and was so greedily received, that it went through a variety of editions in a month's time. Indeed the many strokes of wit and humour that it contained, would induce me to suspect that his lordship had some share in it." N |