A LETTER,

ΤΟ

MRS. SUSANNAH NEVILLE.*

MADAM,

June 24, 1732.

I WILL not trouble you with any grave tophics, lest I should discurmode you; but rather write in a armiliar and jocossious way.

to me;

You must know then, I was the other night at Mrs. Tattle's, and Mrs. Rattle came in to drink some jocklit with us, upon which they fell into a nargiment about the best musicioners in town. At last, Rattle told Tattle, that she did not know the difrence between a song and a tympany. They were going to defer the matter ; but I said that, when people disputed, it was my way always to stand muter. You would have thought they were both intosticated with liquor, if you had seen them so full of outrageousness. However, Mrs. Tattle, as being a very timbersome woman, yielded to Rattle, and there was an end of the disputement. I wonder you do not honour me sometimes with your company. If I myself be no introducement,.my garden, which has a fine ruval look, ought to be one. My Tommy would be glad to see you before he goes for England, and so would I; for I am resolved to take the tower of London before I return. We intend to go to Norfolk or Suf. folk, to see a clergyman, a near cousin of ours. They

*This letter is fictitious, and was written by Dr. Sheridan. D. S.

say that he is an admiral good man, and very horspital in his own house. I am determ'd, when this vege is over, never to set my foot in a stagecoach again; for the jolting of it has put my blood into such a firmament, that I have been in an ego ever since, and have lost my nappetite to such a degree that I have not eaten a manston of bread put all together these six weeks past. They allow me to eat nothing at night but blanchius manshius, which has made a perfect natomy of me; and my spirits are so extorted, that I am in a perfect liturgy ; for which I am resolved to take some rubrick, although the doctors advise me to drink burgomy. And what do you think? when I went to my cellar for a flask, I found that my servants had imbellished it all: for which I am resolved to give them some hippocockeny to bring it up again.—I fear that I have been too turbulent iņ this long and tedious crawl; which I hope you will excuse from, your very humble servant,

THE DRAPIER'S LETTER

TO THE

GOOD PEOPLE OF IRELAND.

1745.

MY DEAR COUNTRYMEN,

It is now some considerable time since I troubled you with my advice;* and, as I am growing old and infirm, I was in good hopes to have been quietly laid in my grave, before any occasion offered of addressing you again but my affection for you, which does not decay, though my poor body does, obliges me once more to put you in mind of your true interests, that you may not unwarily run yourselves into danger and distress, for want of understanding, or seriously considering it.

I have many reasons to believe, that there are not few among you, who secretly rejoice at the rebellion

* It is very manifest that this letter was not written by the Dean; but, as it was at the time intended to be considered as his, and on that supposition had actually a good effect, it is here preserved as a curiosity. The reader may sɛe its history in the following extract from Dr. Maty's Memoirs of Lord Chesterfield. "Dean Swift was still alive, when Lord Chesterfield arrived [in Ireland, in the character of lord lieutenant,] but reduced to a state of total dotage and insensibility, which one month after ended in his death. This short interval was laid hold of, to publish under his name a new letter of a Drapier to the good people of Ireland, and particularly to the poor papists. It was so much in the Dean's style, and was so greedily received, that it went through a variety of editions in a month's time. Indeed the many strokes of wit and humour that it contained, would induce me to suspect that his lordship had some share in it." N

which is now raised in Scotland; and perhaps conceive hopes of some alteration for the better, in their circumstances and condition, if it should succeed. It is those mistaken people whom I design to talk to in this letter, and I desire no more of them than to give me a fair hearing; examining coolly with themselves, whether what I shall say be true.

It is no objection to my speaking to them, that they are generally papists. I do not know how other people are disposed; but, for my part, I hate no man for his religion; I look upon a papist as my countryman and neighbour, though I happen myself to be a protestant. And, if I know what advice is good for him, I can see no reason why I should not give it him, or why he should not take it.

A papist has sense, I suppose, like other men, to see his interest and advantage; and the same natural desire to embrace it where he finds it; and, if I can show him where it lies, he will not, I believe, kick it from him, barely to spite me as a protestant.

I have nothing to say to the popish gentry of this. kingdom. They would hardly take such a plain man's advice; and, besides, they have so many ways of coming off safe themselves, though the poor people were undone, that I need not be concerned for them.

My care is for the common people, the labourers, farmers, artificers, and tradesmen, of this nation; who are in danger of being deluded by their betters, and made tools of to serve their purposes, without any advantage to themselves. It is possible, that, among the lords and squires, one perhaps of a hundred would get something by a change: places and employments will be promised them, no doubt; and a few of those promises, perhaps, the French and Scotch friends of the pretender might give him leave to keep. But what are the poorer sort

the better all this while? Will the labourer get one. farthing a day more? Will the farmer's rent be lowered? Will the artificer be more employed, or better paid? Will the tradesman get more customers, or have fewer scores upon his books?

I have been bred in a careful of life; way and never ventured upon any project, without consulting my pillow first, how much I should be a gainer in the upshot. I wish my good countrymen would do so too: and, before they grow fond of change, ask themselves this sober question, Whether it would better their condition if it were really brought about? If it would not, to what purpose do we wish it? If the poor labourer, when all is over, is to be a labourer still, and earn his groat a day as hardly as he did before; I cannot find why be should think it worth his while to venture a leg or an arm, and the gallows too into the bargain, to be just where he set out. If he must dig and delve when the pretender is settled on the throne, he had as good stick to it now, for any difference I can see.

I believe, my countrymen are not so mad as to imagine the pretender can, or will, give every one of them estates; and I am sure, if he does not, they can be only where they were. If a farmer must pay his rent, I see no reason that he should be much concerned whether he pays it to one man or to another. His popish landlord will, I suppose, demand it as soon and as strictly as a protestant; and, if he does not pay it, pound his cattle, or distrain his goods, as readily at least.

I have not observed that tenants to popish landlords wear tighter clothes, ride better cattle, or spend more money at markets and fairs, than the tenants on protestant estates; therefore I cannot believe they are better used on the contrary, I know, from long experience, that there is more money taken in my shop from the