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With talents each distinct; and each
Mark'd by peculiar powers of speech;
With tempers
too as much the same
As milk and verjuice, frost and flame;
Their parts by properly sustaining,
May all prove highly entertaining.

EPIGRAM.

SAYS a bean to a lady, pray name if you can,
Of all your acquaintance, the handsomest man?
The lady replied, if you'd have me speak true,
He's the handsomest man that's the most unlike

you,

THE LAWYER AND THE CLIENT.

Two lawyers, when a knotty cause was o'er,
Shook hands, and were as good friends as before;
Zounds! says the losing client, how come yaw
To be such friends, who were such foes just naw?'
Thou fool, says one, we lawyers, tho so keen,
Like shears, ne'er cut ourselves, but what's between.

SIR J. BANKS AND THE THIEF-TAKERS.

(PINDAR.)

SIR JOSEPH, fav'rite of great queens and kings, Whose wisdom, weed and insect hunter sings;

And ladies fair applaud, with smile so dimpling; Went forth one day, amidst the laughing fields, Where nature such exhaustless treasure yields, A simpling!

6

96 SIR J. BANKS AND THE THIEF-TAKERS.

It happen'd on the self-same morn so bright,
The nimble pupils of Sir Sampson Wright,
A simpling too for plants, call'd Thieves, proceeded;
Of which the nation's fields should oft be weeded.
Now did a thief-taker so sly,

Peep o'er a hedge with cunning eye,

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And quick espy'd the knight with solemn air, Deep in a ditch where water-cresses grow; On which he to his comrades cry'd, See, ho!' Then jump'd (unsportsman-like) upon his hare. Hare-like Sir Joseph did not squeak, but bawl'd, With dread prodigiously appall'd

The thief-takers no ceremony us'd;

But taking poor Sir Joseph by the neck,
They bade him speak;

But first with names their captive knight abus❜d.

Sirs, what d'ye take me for? the knight exclaim'd 'A thief,' reply'd the runners with a curse: ‘And now, sir, let me search you, and be damn'd'— And then they search'd his pockets, fobs and purse: But 'stead of pistol dire, and crape,

A pocket handkerchief they cast their eye on,
Containing frogs and toads of various shape,
Dock, daisy, nettletop, and dandelion,
To entertain with great propriety,
The members of his sage society:

Yet would not alter they their strong belief,
That this their pris'ner was a thief!

Sirs, I'm no highwayman,' exclaim'd the knight—
No-there,' rejoin'd the runners. you are right-
'A footpad only-yes we know your trade-
Yes, you're a pretty babe of grace :

We want no proofs, Old Codger. but your face; So come along with us old Blade.'

SIR J. BANKS AND THE THIEF-TAKERS.
"Twas useless to resist, or to complain-
In vain, Sir Joseph pleaded-'twas in vain,
That he was highly titled; that he swore-
The instant that poor Banks his titles counted,
Which to an F. R. S. and knight amounted,

97

His guardians laugh'd, and clapp'd, and cry'd, 'encore.'

Sir Joseph told them, that a neighb❜ring squire
Should answer for it that he was no thief;
On which they plumply damn'd him for a liar,
And said such stories should not save his beef;
And if they understood their trade,

His mittimus would soon be made;
And forty pounds be theirs, a pretty sum,
For sending such a rogue to kingdom come.
Now to the squire mov'd pris'ner knight and Co.
The runners taking him in tow,

Like privateers of Britain's warlike nation,
Towing a French East-Indiaman, their prize,
So black, and of enormous size,
Safe into port for condemnation.

Whether they ty'd his hands behind his back,
For fear the knight might run away,
And made, indelicate, his breeches slack,
We've no authority to say,

And now the country people gather'd round,
And star'd upon the knight in thought profound,
Not on the system of Linnæus thinking—
Fancying they saw a rogue in every feature ;-
Such is the populace's horrid nature

Tow'rds people thro' misfortune sinking.

At length, amidst much mob and mire,
Indeed amidst innumerable ranks,

Fatigu'd they reach'd the mansion of the squire,
To prove th' identity of Joseph Banks.

K

98

A DESCRIPTION OF LONDON.

Now to the squire, familiar bow'd the knight,
Who knew Sir Joseph at first sight-

What's strongly mark'd, is quickly known agen And with a frown that awe and dread commanded, The thief-takers severely reprimanded

For thus mistaking gentlemen.

Then bade them ask a pardon on their knees,
Of him that was a knight and F. R. S.
Who, rather than the higher pow'rs displease,
Imagin'd that they could not well do less,
Then on their knuckles rais'd they hands and eyes,
And crav'd sir Joseph's pardon for belief,
That when they jump'd upon him by surprise,
They took so great a gemman for a thief,
Hoping to mind the advice of Godly books,
Viz. not to judge of people by their looks.

A DESCRIPTION OF LONDON.

HOUSES, churches, mixt together,
Streets unpleasant in all weather;
Prisons, palaces contiguous,

Gates, a bridge, the Thames irriguous;

Gaudy things, enough to tempt ye,

Shewy outsides, insides empty;

Bubbles, trades, mechanic arts,

Coaches, wheelbarrows, and carts;

Warrants, bailiffs, bills unpaid,

Lords of laundresses afraid;

Rogues, that nightly rob and shoot men,

Hangmen, aldermen and footmen ;
Lawyers, poets, priests, physicians;

Noble, simple, all conditions;

Worth beneath a thread-bare cover,

Villainy bedaub'd all over ;

THE EARL OF PETERBORO' AND THE MOB. 99

Women-black, red, fair, and grey,
Prudes, and such as never pray;
Handsome, ugly, noisy, still;
Some that will not-some that will;
Many a beau without a shilling,
Many a widow not unwilling;
Many a bargain, if you strike it,
This is London-How d' ye like it?

THE EARL OF PETERBOROUGH AND THE MOB.

(PINDAR.)

THROUGH London streets upon a day,
The earl of Peterborough took his way,
All in his pompous coach-perhaps to dine--
The mob of London took it in their head,
This was the duke of Marlborough so dread
To Frenchmen on the Danube and the Rhine.

Unable such high merit to reward,
The mob resolv'd to show a great regard ;
And so uniting join'd their forces

To draw his carriage, and dismiss the horses,

The earl from out his carriage pok'd his face,
And told the mob that he was not his grace;
Then bid them be convinc'd and look:
Hard of belief, as ev'n the hardest Jew,
They told him that they better knew,

Then swore by G- he was the duke:
Then threw their hats in air with loud huzzas,
And form'd a thunder of applause.

Loud bawl'd the earl that they were all deceiv'd-
Loud bawl'd the mob he should not be belicv'd-

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