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68 A MATRIMONIAL DIALOGUE.
Your Equal-right gentry I ne'er could abide
'My dear (answered Susan) 'tis said, in reproach, That you climb like a bear when you get in a coach: Now, your nobles that spring from the nobles of old, Your earls and your knights, and your barons so
bold, From Nature inherit so handsome an air They are noblemen born, at first glance we may
swear: But you, that have cobbled, and I that have spun, 'Tis wrong for our noddles on Titles to run: Moreover, you know, that to make a fine show, Your people of note, of arms get a coat; A boot or a shoe would but sneakingly do, And would certainly prove our nobility New.' 'No matter (said Sampson) a coach shall be bought: Tho' the low-born may chatter, I care not a groat; Around it a group of devices shall shine, And mottos and emblems—to prove it is mine; Fair Liberty's Cap, and a Stab, and a Strap; A Dagger, that somewhat resembles an Awl, A pumpkin-fared Goddess supporting a Stall: All these shall be there—how people will stare! And Envy herself, that our Title would blast May smile at the motto—the first shall be LAST.'
SUSAN AND THE SPIDER.
'come down you toad,' cried Susan to a spider, High on the gilded cornice a proud rider,
And wanton swinging by his silken rope; 'I'll teach thee to spin cobwebs round the room; 'You "re now upon some murder, I presume:
'1 'll bless thee ; if I don't, say I'm no Pope.'
The Spider blest with oratory grace,
'Fie, Susan! lurks there murder in that heart? 'O barb'rous lovely Susan! I'm amazed! 'O ! c»n that form on which so oft I've gazed,
'Possess of cruelty the slightest part? 'Ah! can that swelling bosom of delight, 'On which I've peeped with wonder many anight,
'Nay, with these fingers touched too, let me say, 'Contain a heart of cruelty!—no, no! 'That bosom which exceeds the new-fallen snow,
'All softness, sweetness, one eternal May.' 'How!' Susan screeched as with disordered brain, 'How, impudence! repeat those words again: 'Come, come, confess with honesty—speak, speak, 'Say, did you realty crawl upon my neck?'
'Susan by all the heavenly charms, I did;
'I saw thee sleeping by the taper's light;
'Thy cheek so blushful, and thy breast so white: 'I could not stand it, and so down I slid.' 'You did, sweet Mr. Spider? so you saw!' 'Yes, Susan! nature is a powerful law,'
70 THE SIMPLE TRUTH MOST SIMPLY TOLD.
Ar'n't you a murderer?' gravely Susan cries;
'Ar'n't you for ever busy with that claw, 'Killing poor little unoffending little flies, 'Merely to satisfy your nasty maw.'
• But, Susan, don't you feed on gentle lamb? 'Don't you on pretty little pigeon cram?
'Dontyou on harmless fishes often dine!' 'That's very true quotli Susan true indeed; 'Lord! with what eloquence these spiders plead!
'This little rascal beats a grave divine. 'It was no snake, I verily believe, 'But a sly spider that seduced poor Eve. 'But then you are so ugly'—'Ah! sweet Sue.
'I did not make myself, you know too well: *' Could I have made myself, I had been you,
'And killed with envy every beauteous belle.' 'Heavenslto this Spider!—what a witching tongue 'Well go about thy business—go along;
'All animals indeed their food must get: • 'And hear mc—shouldst thou look with longing
eyes, 'At any time on young fat luscious flies,
'I'll drive the little rascals to thy net. ♦Lord! then how blind I've been to form and feature: 'I think a Spider, now, a comely creature!'
THE SIMPLE TRUTH MOST SIMPLY TOLD,
Honest Teague, when return'd from a trip to the North,
For to Lapland 't was said he had been; Was questioned—' If during his cold wintry birth,
Whether any Rein Deer he had seen?' 'When,' says he, 'by my sowle. as truth I regard,
'I was station'd there almost a year; 'And sometimes, in the summer, it rain'd very hard,
'But I never once saw it rain Deer?'
THE JEWESS AND HER SON.
Economy's a very useful broom;
Yet should not ceaseless hunt about the room
To catch each straggling pin to make a plum. Too oft economy's an iron vice, That squeezes e'en the little guts of mice,
That peep with fearful eyes, and ask a crumb. Proper economy 's a comely thing; Good in a subject—better in a king;
Yet pushed too far, it dulls each finer feeling, Most easily inclined to make folks mean; Inclines them, too, to villany to lean,
To over-reaching, perjury, and stealing. E'en when the heart should only think of grief. It creeps into the bosom like a thief, And swallows up the affections all so mild— Witness the Jewess and her only child. Poor Mistress Levi had a luckless son,
Who, rushing to obtain the foremost seat,
In imitation of th' ambitions great,
He fell all plump into the pit,
Dead in a minute as a nit: In short he broke his pretty Hebrew neck; Indeed and very dreadful was the wreck! The mother was distracted, raving, wild: Shrieked, tore her hair, embraced and kissed her child;
Afflicted every heart with grief around, Soon as the shower of tears was somewhat past, And moderately calm th' hysteric blast.
She cast about her eyes in thought profound; And being with a saving knowledge blessed, She thus the play-house manager addressed:
T2 EPSOM RACES.
'Sher, I "m tie modcr of dc poor Chew lad, 'Dat meet mishfaatin here so bad— 'Sher, I muss haf de shilling back, you know, 'Ass Moses haf nat see de show.'
Come, Madam Muse, new nib thy pen,
And put on thy best graces;
The joys of Epsom Races.
Curricles, coaches, chaises, gigs,
Black-legs, nobles, peers, and prigs,
The young, the old, the brown, the fair,
Of pleasure take their fill;
As far as Fish-street-hill!
Miss Drugget cries—< My sweet papa,
Let 's go" to Epsom pray;
Will fill a one-horse chaise.
In order to go safe and slow.
By day-break we 'll setoff;
And cure your nasty cough.
I doates upon the country now;
How sweet the rvernal breezes! We Ml take our dinner too I wow,
And dine beneath the freezes.'
Old Drugget shook his cranium wise,