Snip, Snip,' the host was often call'd, 6 'Well done,' says Jack, a buck of York, By what strange means they knew his trade. You put the cap on, and it fits,' Reply'd one of the Yorkshire wits; Our words, in common acceptation, "Could not find out your occupation; "Twas you yourself gave us the clue, To find out both your trade and you. Vain coxcombs, and fantastic beaux In ev'ry place themselves expose; "They travel far at vast expense, To shew their wealth and want of sense; 'But take this for a standing rule, • There's no disguise can screen a fool.' EPIGRAM. 'A DRUNKEN old Scot, by the rigorous sentence Of the Kirk, was condemn'd to the stool of repent ance; THE OLD BATCHELOR. 41 Mess John to his conscience his vices lac'd home, And his danger in this and the world that's to come; "Thou reprobate mortal! why, doth thou not know, Where, after you're dead, all you drunkards must go? Must go when we're dead! Why, sir, you may swear, 'We shall go, one and all, where we find the best beer.' PARODY ON ROMEO'S DESCRIPTION OF AN APOTHECARY, (MAGAZINE OF WIT.) I Do remember an old BATCHELOR, And hereabouts he dwells-whom late I noted The which the moths had used not less than he. 42 THE APPLE-DUMPLINGS AND A KING. Here lives a gloomy wretch would shew it him THE APPLE-DUMPLINGS AND A KING. (PINDAR.) ONCE on a time, a monarch, tir'd with whooping, A poor, defenceless, harmless buck; From his high consequence and wisdom stooping. Where sat a poor old woman with her pot. The wrinkled, blear-eyed, good old granny, In this same cot, illumin'd by many a cranny; Had finish'd apple-dumplings for her pot. In tempting row, the naked dumplings lay; When lo! the monarch, in his usual way, 6 Like lightning, spoke, What 's this? what 's this? what? what?' Then taking up a dumpling in his hand, 6 And oft did majesty the dumpling grapple: 'Tis monstrous, monstrous hard, indeed!' he cry'd What makes it, pray, so hard?? the dame reply'd, Low curtsying, 'Please your majesty, the apple.' Very astonishing, indeed! strange thing! (Turning the dumpling round, rejoin'd the king) "Tis most extraordinary, then, all this is; 'It beats Pinetti's conj'ring all to pieces. * THE ALMANAC MAKER. 43 'Strange, I should never of a dumpling dream! 'But goody, tell me, where, where, where's the seam?' Sir, there's no seam (quoth she) I never knew, 'No cry'd the staring monarch, with a grin ; WHILE others dwell on mean affairs, In melancholy silence he Travels alone and cannot see Not one of all the learned train He tells us when the sun will rise, An annual almanac to frame, He every month has something new, 44 THE ALMANAC MAKER. Our sister moon, the stars, the sun, The solar system at his will- Advancing in its daily race, In dark eclipse when she would hide Each passing age must have its taste: But how to find it he despairs, He prophesies the sun's decay; The pole has left its ancient track, So much upon his shoulders laid, The people of the lunar sphere |