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TWO BLANKS TO A PRIZE.

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Thus did this cloud of darkness daily shade The building for the Lord's Annointed made, And blacken'd it, like pall's, that grace a burying: Thus was this Man of Mud and straw employ'd, And, at the thought so wicked overjoy'd, Of smoaking his liege sov'reign like a Herring : Of serving him, as we do parts of swine, Thought, with green peas, a dish extremely fine. But lo! this baneful Rogue of brick,

Fell, for his sov'reign, fortunately sick,

And, ere the wretch could please his spleen and pride,

Of turning Monarchs into bacon-dy'd.

TWO BLANKS TO A PRIZE.
(AMERICAN MUSEUM.)

In the lott'ry of life. lest dame fortune beguile,
This great truth we should ever premise,
That altho' the bright goddess may simper and smile
She has always-two blanks to a prize!

If a husband you'd take, miss-or you sir, a wife,
From this maxim divert not your eyes;
For of one and the other I'll veuture my life,
There are more than-two blanks to a prize!
If in law you 're entangl'd, why then, silly man,
As a friend, give me leave to advise ;
Slip your neck from the collar, as fast as you can:
There are fifty-two blanks to a prize!

And if for preferment, you're striving at court,
Or by merit expect you shall rise;

Then your chance is not worth, sir, three fourths of a groat:

There are ninety-two blanks to a prize!

D

HUMANITY AND INGRATITUDE.

(FRENEAU.)

By the side of the sea, in a cottage obscure, There lived an old fellow named Charlot Boncoeur, Who was free to his neighbour and good to the poor, Catching fish was his trade,

And all people said,

That mischief to nothing but fish he design'd,
To all people else, he was candid and kind.

One day as he went to the brink of the lake,
Persuading the fishes their dinner to take,
(The last he intended they ever should make)
While his hooks he employ'd to their sorrow and wo
A grunting he heard in the waters below;
And casting his eyes to the bottom. (for here
We'll suppose that the water was perfectly clear)
He saw on the bed of the liquid profound

An unfortunate wight who was drowning, or drowned.

That the man to the surface once more might ascend
He took up his pole, with a hook at the end,
And to it he fell,

And managed so well,

That soon to the margin the carcase was drawn, And who should it be but his old neighbour JOHN!

Now, some how or other, it pop'd in his head, That in spite of his drowning the man was not dead, And while he was thinking what means to devise That his friend might recover and open his eyes, He saw with vexation and sorrow, no doubt,

That, in lugging him up, he had put one eye out― However, convinced, from what he had heard, That John might be living, for aught that appear'd; To his cottage he took him, and there had him bled, Rubb'd, roll'd on a barrel, and then put to bed:

HUMANITY AND INGRATITUDE.

So in less than a week (to his praise be it said)
In less than a week, the man was as sound
(Excepting the loss of his eye and the wound)
As if in his life he had never been drowned.

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But when John had begun to travel about, He was sadly chagrined that his eye was put out, And forgetting what service his neighbour had done him,

Went off to a lawyer, and clapt a writ on him; Talked much of the value of what he had lost, That Charlot must pay all the damage and cost, And if with such sentence he would not comply, He swore he would have his identical eye.

That Charlot was vexed, we hardly need say, Yet he urged what he could in a moderate way, Declared to the judges, by way of defence, That the action was wrought without malice pre

pense;

That his conscience excus'd him for what he had

done;

That fortune was only to blame-and that John Might have thought himself happy (when death was

so nigh)

To purchase his life with the loss of an eye-
That the loss of an eye is a serious affair
Was certain-and yet he'd be bold to declare,
That the man who can shew but one eye in his head,
Is better by far than a man that is dead.'

In answer to all the defendant's fine pleading, John said He had never yet found in his reading, A people, or nation, or senator sage,

Or a law, or a custom, in whatever age,
Permitting (unpunished) by force or surprise
One neighbour to put out his next neighbour's eyes.'
The lawyers and judges were all at a stand
Which way to conclude on the matter in hand,
Till a half-witted fellow, who chanced to be there,

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HUMANITY AND INGRATITUDE.

Undertook to decide on this weighty affair;

And cry'd, 'Can you doubt in a case that's so plain?
Be guided by me, and you'll ne'er doubt again:
The plea of the plaintiff rests wholly on this;
In fishing him up he takes it amiss,

That Charlot manœuvred with so little skill,
So awkwardly fumbled and managed so ill,
As thus with his bungling to ruin John's look,
And put out an eye with the point of his hook—
Well, now, my lord judges, attend my decree,
Straitway let the plainliff be thrown in the sea,
And, after reposing awhile on the bottom,

If he get out alone from where Charlot got him,
Safe, sound, and undamaged-why, then 'tis my

sentence

That Charlot be punished and brought to repentance.
But if, after gasping and flouncing about,
He drowns in the water, and fails getting out,
Why, then, it is justice, it must be confest,
That Charlot forth with be discharged from arrest,
Absolved from all punishment due to the wound,
And paid in the bargain,cause John was not
drowned.'

The audience were struck with a world of surprise
To find that a fool could give counsel so wise.
The judges themselves the sentence espoused,
And freely consented that John should be soused.

John finding that matters had took a wrong turn, Not waiting to see if the court would adjourn, Sneaked out of the house, with a hiss of disgrace, In dread lest the sentence should quickly take place, Grown pliant at last, his cause he withdrew-His plea was so bad and his friends were so few; It was needless, he thought on the cast of a die To venture bis life for the sake of an eye. And concluded 'twas better to give up the suit, Than risk the one left, and be smothered to boot.

THE MONKEY, WHO SHAVED HIMSELF AND HIS FRIENDS.

A FABLE.

A MAN who own'd a barber's shop
At York, and shav'd full many a fop,
A monkey kept for their amusement;
He made no other kind of use on’t--
This monkey took great observation,
Was wonderful at imitation,
And all he saw the barber do,
He mimick'd strait, and did it too.

(HUMPHREYS.)

It chanc'd, in shop the dog and cat,
While friseur din'd, demurely sat;
Jacko found nought to play the knave in;
So thought he'd try his hand at shaving.
Around the shop in haste he rushes,
And gets the razors, soap and brushes;
Now puss he fix'd (no muscle miss stirs)
And lather'd well her beard and whiskers,
Then gave a gash, as he began--
The cat cried, waugh! and off she ran.
Next Towser's beard he tried his skill in,
Tho' Towser seem'd somewhat unwilling:
As badly here again succeeding,

The dog runs howling round and bleeding.

Nor yet was tir'd, our roguish elf:
He'd seen the barber shave himself;
So by the glass, upon the table,
He rubs with soap his visage sable;

Then with left hand holds smooth his jaw ;-
The razor, in his dexter paw,

Around he flourishes and slashes,
Till all his face is seam'd with gashes.
His cheeks dispatch'd-his visage thin
He cock'd, to shave beneath his chin;

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