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A MEDICINE FOR THE LADIES. Is
'Hey ! hoop! d'ye hear, my damn'd obstrep'rous
spouse! 'What can't you find one bed about the house? 'Will that perpetual clack lie never still? 'That rival to the softness of a mill!
* Some couch and distant room must be my. choice, 'Where I may sleep uncurs'd with wife and noise.'
Long this uncomfortable life they led,
With snarling meals, and each a separate bed.
To an old uncle oft she would complain,
Beg his advice, and scarce from tears refrain.
Old Wisewood smok'd the matter as it was;
'Cheer up!'cried he, 'and I'll remove the cause;
'A wond'rous spring within my garden flows,
'Of sov'reign virtue, chiefly to compose
* Domestic jars, and matrimonial strife,
'The best elixir t' appease man and wife;
* 'Tis water call'd, but worth its weight in wine: 'If in his sullen airs, Sir John should come,
'Three spoonfulls take, hold in your mouth—then
mum: 'Smile and look pleas'd, when he shall rage and
* Still in your mouth the healing cordial hold; 'One month this sympathetic ined'dne try'd, 'He'll grow a lover, you a happy bride:
'But dearest niece, keep this grand secret close,
* Or ev'ry prattling hussey Ml beg a dose.'
14 BATTLE Of THE KEGS.
'No Hurricane? Betty's your lady dead?'
For many days these fond endearments pass'd,
'Why niece,' says he, 'I prithee apprehend,
BATTLE OF THE KEGS,
(guhants, attend, and hear a friend^
Strange things I'll tell, which late befel
BATTLE OF THE KEGS. 15
'Twas early day, as poets say,
Just when the sun was rising, A soldier stood on a log of wood,
And saw a sight surprising.
As in amaze, he stood to gaze,
(The truth can't be denied, sir,) He spied a score of Kegs or more
Come floating down the tide, sir.
A sailor, too, in jerkin blue,
The strange appearance viewing, First damn'd his eyes, in great surprise;
Then said, some mischief's brewing.
'These Kegs now hold the rebels bold,
'Pack'd up like pickled herring; 'And they're come down t' attack the town
'In this new way of ferry'ng.'
The soldier flew—the sailor too—
And, scar'd almost to death, sir,
And ran till out of breath, sir.
Now up and down, throughout the town,
Most frantic scenes were acted:
Like men almost distracted.
Some 'Fire' cry'd; which some deny'd,
But said the earth had quaked:
Ran through the town half naked.
Sir William* he, snug as a flea,
Lay all this time a snoring;
In bed with Mrs. L -—.
• Sir William Howe.
BATTLE OF THE KEGjT.
Now in a fright, he starts upright,
Awak'd by such a clatter:
* For God's sake, what's the matter?' At his bed-side, he then espy'd
Sir Erskine* at command, sir: Upon one foot, he had one boot,
And t' other in his hand, sir.
'Arise! arise!' sir Erskine cries:
'The rebels—more 's the pity— 'Without a boat, are all on float,
'And rang'd before u,e city. 'The motley crew in vessels new,
'With Satan for their guide, sir,
'Pack'd up in bags, or wooden Kegs
Come driving down the tide, sir.
'Therefore, prepare for bloody war:
'These Kegs must all be routed:
'Or surely we, despis'd shall be,
'And British courage doubted.' The royal band, now ready stand,
All rang'd in dread array, sir; With stomachs stout to see it out, And make a bloody day, sir.
The cannons roar, from shore to shore:
Ihe small arms make a rattle. Since war 's began, I'm sure no man
E er saw so strange a battle. The rebelf vales, the rebel dales,
With rebel trees surrounded,
* Sir William Erskine.
t The British/officers were so fond of (Iio word rr*tf - that they often applied it most absurdly.
THE NEVV-ENGLAND SABBATH-DAY CHACE. J7
The distant woods, the hills and floods,
The fish below swam to and fro,
Attack'd from ev'ry quarter: •
'Why sure,' thought they, * the dev'l's to pay
''Mongst folks above the water.'
The Kegs, 'tis said, though strongly made
Of rebel staves and hoops, sir, Could not oppose their powerful foes,
The conqu'ring British troops, sir.
From morn to night, those men of might
Display'd amazing courage;
Retir'd to sup their porridge.
An hundred men with each a pen,
Or more, upon my word, sir,
Their valour to record, sir.
Such feats did they perform that day,
Upon those wicked Kegs, sir,
They'll make their boasts and brags, sir.
NEW ENGLAND SABBATH-DAY CHACE.
On a fine Sunday morning I mounted my steed