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'Hey ! hoop! d'ye hear, my damn'd obstrep'rous

spouse! 'What can't you find one bed about the house? 'Will that perpetual clack lie never still? 'That rival to the softness of a mill!

* Some couch and distant room must be my. choice, 'Where I may sleep uncurs'd with wife and noise.'

Long this uncomfortable life they led,

With snarling meals, and each a separate bed.

To an old uncle oft she would complain,

Beg his advice, and scarce from tears refrain.

Old Wisewood smok'd the matter as it was;

'Cheer up!'cried he, 'and I'll remove the cause;

'A wond'rous spring within my garden flows,

'Of sov'reign virtue, chiefly to compose

* Domestic jars, and matrimonial strife,

'The best elixir t' appease man and wife;
'Strange arc th' effects, the qualities divine;

* 'Tis water call'd, but worth its weight in wine: 'If in his sullen airs, Sir John should come,

'Three spoonfulls take, hold in your mouth—then

mum: 'Smile and look pleas'd, when he shall rage and


* Still in your mouth the healing cordial hold; 'One month this sympathetic ined'dne try'd, 'He'll grow a lover, you a happy bride:

'But dearest niece, keep this grand secret close,

* Or ev'ry prattling hussey Ml beg a dose.'
A water-bottle 's brought for her relief;
Not Nantz could sooner ease the ladies grief:
Her busy thoughts'are on the trial bent,
And, female-like, impatient for th' event.
The bonny knight reels home, exceeding clear,
Prepar'd for clamour, and domestic war.
Entering, he cries—'Hey where's our thunder fled?



'No Hurricane? Betty's your lady dead?'
Madam, aside, an ample mouthful takes,
Curt'sies. looks kind, but not a word she speaks.
Wond'ring he star'd, scarcely his eyes believ'd,
But found his ears agreeably deceiv'd.
'Why, how now Molly* what's the crotchet now?
She smiles, and answers only with a bow.
Then clasping her about—' Why let me die!
'Thesenight-clothes Moll, become you mightily!'
With that he sigh'd her hand began to press,
And Betty Calls, her lady to undress.
Thus the fond pair to bed enamour'd went,
The lady pleas'd, and the good knight content.

For many days these fond endearments pass'd,
The reconciling bottle fails at last;
'Twas us'd and gone—then midnight storms arose,
And looks and words the union discompose.
Her coach is order'd, and post-haste she flies
To beg her uncle for some fresh supplies;
Transported does the strange effects relate,
Her knight's conversion and her happy state!

'Why niece,' says he, 'I prithee apprehend,
'The water 's water—be thyself thy friend;
'Such beauty would the coldest husband warm,
'But your provoking tongue undoes the charm;
'Be silent and complying—you 'll soon find,
'Sir John, without a ined'cine, will be kind.


(r. IIOPK1N30.V)

(guhants, attend, and hear a friend^
Trill forth harmonious ditty:

Strange things I'll tell, which late befel
In Philadelphia city.

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'Twas early day, as poets say,

Just when the sun was rising, A soldier stood on a log of wood,

And saw a sight surprising.

As in amaze, he stood to gaze,

(The truth can't be denied, sir,) He spied a score of Kegs or more

Come floating down the tide, sir.

A sailor, too, in jerkin blue,

The strange appearance viewing, First damn'd his eyes, in great surprise;

Then said, some mischief's brewing.

'These Kegs now hold the rebels bold,

'Pack'd up like pickled herring; 'And they're come down t' attack the town

'In this new way of ferry'ng.'

The soldier flew—the sailor too—

And, scar'd almost to death, sir,
Wore out their shoes, to spread the news;

And ran till out of breath, sir.

Now up and down, throughout the town,

Most frantic scenes were acted:
And some ran here, and some ran there,

Like men almost distracted.

Some 'Fire' cry'd; which some deny'd,

But said the earth had quaked:
And girls and boys with hideous noise,

Ran through the town half naked.

Sir William* he, snug as a flea,

Lay all this time a snoring;
Nor dreamt of harm, as he lay warm

In bed with Mrs. L -—.

• Sir William Howe.



Now in a fright, he starts upright,

Awak'd by such a clatter:
He rubs both eyes; and boldly cries,

* For God's sake, what's the matter?' At his bed-side, he then espy'd

Sir Erskine* at command, sir: Upon one foot, he had one boot,

And t' other in his hand, sir.

'Arise! arise!' sir Erskine cries:

'The rebels—more 's the pity— 'Without a boat, are all on float,

'And rang'd before u,e city. 'The motley crew in vessels new,

'With Satan for their guide, sir,

'Pack'd up in bags, or wooden Kegs

Come driving down the tide, sir.

'Therefore, prepare for bloody war:

'These Kegs must all be routed:

'Or surely we, despis'd shall be,

'And British courage doubted.' The royal band, now ready stand,

All rang'd in dread array, sir; With stomachs stout to see it out, And make a bloody day, sir.

The cannons roar, from shore to shore:

Ihe small arms make a rattle. Since war 's began, I'm sure no man

E er saw so strange a battle. The rebelf vales, the rebel dales,

With rebel trees surrounded,

* Sir William Erskine.

t The British/officers were so fond of (Iio word rr*tf - that they often applied it most absurdly.


The distant woods, the hills and floods,
With rebel echoes sounded.

The fish below swam to and fro,

Attack'd from ev'ry quarter: •

'Why sure,' thought they, * the dev'l's to pay

''Mongst folks above the water.'

The Kegs, 'tis said, though strongly made

Of rebel staves and hoops, sir, Could not oppose their powerful foes,

The conqu'ring British troops, sir.

From morn to night, those men of might

Display'd amazing courage;
And when the sun was fairly down.

Retir'd to sup their porridge.

An hundred men with each a pen,

Or more, upon my word, sir,
It is most true, would be too few,

Their valour to record, sir.

Such feats did they perform that day,

Upon those wicked Kegs, sir,
That years to come, if they get home,

They'll make their boasts and brags, sir.


(p. niEKEaC.)

On a fine Sunday morning I mounted my steed
And southward from Hartford had meant to pro-
My baggage was stow'd in a cart very snug,
Which Range K, the gelding, was destined to lugJ

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