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12S ODE TO A MARGATE HOY.
That, reaching o'er thy side, so doleful throw,
'Tis Madam Bacon, proud of wordly goods, Whose first spouse shav'd and bled—drew teeth, made wigs;
Who, having by her tongue destroy'd poor Suds,
But hark! she speaks! extremely like a man!
'Why, captain, what a beastly ship! Good God!
Now hark! the captain answers—' Mistress Bacon 'I own I can't be with such matters taken;
'I likes not vomitings no more than you; 'But if so be that gentlefolks be sick. 'A woman hath the bowels of Old .Mcfc,
'Poor souls, to bung their mouths—'t were like a Jew.'
Majestic Mistress Bacon speaks agen!—
'I don't know, Mister Captain what you mean
• If all your cattle will such hubbub keep,
'I know that I shall leave your stinking ship.
'Some folks have dev'lish dainty guts, good lord! 'What bus'ness have such cattle here aboard? 'Such gang indeed to foreign places roam! ''Tis more becoming them to sp-w at home.'
But hark! the captain properly replies—
'Wby, what a breeze is here, G-<1 d-mn my eyes!
THE BOY AND THE BAKEK. 129
'God bless us, Mistress Baci)n! who are you? 'Zounds, Ma'am, I say my passengers shall sp-w.*
THE BOY AND THE BAKER.
(C. I. PITT.)
Once, when monopoly had made
As bad as now the eating trade,
A boy went to a baker's shop,
His knawing appetite to stop:
A loaf for two-pence there demanded,
And down a tiny loaf was handed.
The boy survey'd it round and round,
With many a shrug, and look profound:
At length—' Why, master,' said the wight,
'This loaf is very, very light."
The baker, his complaint to parry,
'Light, boy? then you 've the less to carry."
The boy grinn'd plaudits to his joke,
With mien, that plainly all but spoke—
Then took his loaf, and went his way;
* Sir,' says the boy, 'you 've less to count .'*
Thus modern wits against each other fight,
THE OLD CHEESE.
Yotjng Slouch the farmer had a jolly wife,
He said, 'That the next Tuesday noon would shew
With aching heart home to his wife he goes,
The guests upon the day appointed came,
THE OLD CHEESE. 131
'I pardon ask,' says Sue; I 'd not offend 'Any my dear invites, much less his friend.' Slouch by his kinsman Gruffy had been taught To entertain his friends by finding fault, And make the main ingredient of his treat His saying—* There was nothing fit to eat: 'The boil'd pork stinks, the roast beef's notenough,'The bacon 's rusty, and the hens are tough; 'The veal's all rags, the butter 's turned to oil; 'And thus I buy good meat for sluts to spoil. ''T is we are the first Slouches ever sat
• Down to a pudding without plumbs or fat.
'What teeth or stomach 's strong enough to feed
• Upon a goose my gt-annum kept to breed?
'Why must old pigeons, and they stale be drest, 'When there 's so many squab ones in the nest? 'This beer is sour; 't is musty, thick and Btale, 'And worse than any thing except the ale.'
Sue all this while many excuses made:
Then cheese was brought. Says Slouch—' This
e'en shall roll; 'I 'm sure 't is hard enough to make a bowl: 'This is skim-milk, and therefore it shall go; 'And this, because't is Suffolk, follow too.'
But now Sue's patience did begin to waste;
Nor longer could dissimulation last.
'Pray let me rise,' says Sue, . my dear; I '11 find
'A cheese perhaps may be to lovy's mind.'
Then in an entry standing close, where he
Alone, and none of all his friends, might see;
And brandishing a cudgel he had felt,
And far enough on this occasion smelt—
'I 'II try, my joy,' she cried, 'if I can please
• My dearest with a taste of hi9 old cheese!'
Slouch turn'd his head, saw his wife's vigorous hand
'No need, no need of cheese,' cries Slouch
swear, * I think I 've din'd as well as my lord mayor
A Stingy fellow, 'tis no matter who,
Had, *oncc upon a time,' some work to do;
He told a man, they called him Sam, 1 think,
That if he 'd do this job, he 'd give him drink,
Such as could tiot in any place be sold,
For it was then exactly ten years old.
The work is done, the miser gives the dram,
'How old do you call dis Massa,' says poor Sam,
'Ten years exactly,'—'Ten years!' in a rage
Says Sam, 'He be damn little of his age.'
A COLLEGE STORY.
A Son of a college for science renowned,
One Saturday evening, when socially met