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120

THE FAKENHAM GHOST.

When through the cheating glooms of night
A MONSTER stood in view.
Regardless of whate'er she felt,
It followed down the plain!
She own'd her sins, and down she knelt,
And said her prayers again.

Then on she sped; and hope grew strong,
The white park gate in view;
Which pushing hard, so long it swung
That ghost and all pass'd through.

Loud fell the gate against the post!
Her heart-strings like to crack:
For much she fear'd the grisly ghost
Would leap upon her back.

Still on, pat, pat, the goblin went,
As it had done before;

Her strength and resolution spent,
She fainted at the door.

Out came her husband, much surpris'd:
Out came her daughter dear;
Good-natur'd souls! all unadvis'd

Of what they had to fear.

The candle's gleam pierc'd through the night,
Some short space o'er the green;
And there the little trotting sprite

Distinctly might be seen.

An ass's foal had lost its dam
Within the spacious park ;
And, simple as the playful lamb,
Had follow'd in the dark.

No goblin he; no imp of sin:

No crimes had ever known.

REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE.

They took the shaggy stranger in,
And rear'd him as their own.

His little hoofs woold rattle round
Upon the cottage floor:

The matron learn'd to love the sound,
That frightened her before.

A favourite the ghost became;
And 't was his fate to thrive:
And long he liv'd, and spread his fame,
And kept the joke alive.

For many a laugh went through the vale,
And some conviction too:—
Each thought some other goblin tale,
Perhaps, was just as true.

121

REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE.

(COWPER.)

BETWEEN nose and eyes a strange contest arose;
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong;
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.

So the tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learn-

ing;

tto

While chief baron ear sat to balance the laws,
So fam'd for his talent in nicely discerning.

In behalf of the nose, it will quickly appear,

And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find That the nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind.

M

122

CANUTE AND THE OCEAN.

Then, holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the nose is; in short,
Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
Again, would your lordship a moment suppose
('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again)
That if the visage or countenance had not a nose,
Pray who would or who could wear spectacles
then?

On the whole it appears, and my argument shews,
With a reasoning the court will never condemn,
That the spectacles plainly were made for the nose,
And the nose was as plainly intended for them.
Then shifting his side as a lawyer knows how,
He pleaded again in behalf of the eyes;
But what were his arguments few people know,
For the court did not think they were equally
wise.

So his lordship decreed, with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but―
That whenever the nose put his spectacles on,
By day-light or candle-light-eyes should be shut.

CANUTE AND THE OCEAN.
(PINDAR.)

CANUTE was by his nobles taught, to fancy,
That, by a kind of royal necromancy,

He had the pow'r, old Ocean to controul;
Down rush'd the royal Dane upon the strand,
And issu'd, like a Solomon, command:

Poor soul!

CANUTE AND THE OCEAN.

123

Go back, ye waves, ye blustring rogues!(quoth he) Touch not your lord and master, Sea!

For, by my pow'r almighty, if you do;' Then staring vengeance,-out he held a stick, Vowing to drive old Ocean to old nick,

Should he ev'n wet the latchet of his shoe.

The Sea retir'd: the monarch fierce rush'd on, And look'd, as if he'd drive him from the land; But Sea. not caring to be put upon,

Made, for a moment, a bold stand;

Not only made a stand did Mr. Ocean,
But to his honest waves he made a motion,
And bid them give the king a hearty trimming,
The orders seem'd a deal the waves to tickle:
For soon they put his majesty in pickle;

And set his royalties like geese a swimming.
All hands aloft, with one tremendous roar;
Soon did they make him wish himself on shore;
His head and ears most handsomely they dous'd;
Just like a porpoise, with one gen'ral shout,
The waves so tumbled the poor king about;
No Anabaptist e'er was half so sous'd.

At length to land he crawl'd a half-drown'd thing,
Indeed more like a crab than like a king;

And found his courtiers making rueful faces.
But what said Canute to the lords and gentry,
Who hail'd him from the water, on his entry,
All trembling for their lives or places?
'My lords, and gentlemen, by your advice,

I've had, with Mr. Sea, a pretty bustle; 'My treatment from my foe not over-nice,

Just made a jest for every shrimp and muscle. A pretty trick for one of my dominion! 'My lords, I thank you for your great opinion..

You'll say, perhaps. I've lost one game,
And bid me try another-for the rubber-
Permit me to inform you all, with shame,
"That you 're a set of knaves, and I'm a lubber."

THE BREWER'S COACHMAN.

(TAYLOR.)

HONEST William, an easy and good-natur'd fellow,
Would a little too oft get a little too mellow,
Body coachman was he to an eminent brewer-
No better e'er sat on a box to be sure.

His coach was kept clean, and no mothers or nurses Took that care of their babes that he took of his horses.

He had these-ay, and fifty good qualities more ;
But the business of tippling could ne'er be got o'er:
So his master effectually mended the matter,
By hiring a man who drank nothing but water.
Now, William, says he, you see the plain case;
Had you drank as he does, you'd kept a good place.
Drink water! quoth William-had all men done so,
You'd never have wanted a coachman, I trow.
They're soakers, like me, whom you load with re-
proaches,

That enable you brewers to ride in your coaches.

REPARTEE,
(SWIFT.)

CRIES Sylvia to a reverend dean,
What reason can be given,
Since marriage is a holy thing,
That they are none in heaven?
There are no women, he replied.
She quick returns the jest-
Women there are, but I'm afraid
They cannot find a priest.

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