And legal impudence that few could reach: Such was the quibbling lawyer, such the man Who, hemming thrice,-look'd big-and thus began. Splitbrain. My Lord, and Jurors, in this land of freedom, With honest laws and lawyers, when we need'em ; A glass that brings the villain forth to view, Can hardly keep old Lucifer at bay. Suppose a Peer of fashionable life, In some odd whim seduce his neighbour's wife, Nothing, most learned Serjeant! but a great deal against it! He must not be condemn'd to lose his Head For't: Who darts his quill at any vice in vogue: In language most respectful and polite. Verax. On upright British Jurors, British Laws, I boldly rest the merits of my cause.— Too long has vice been sanction'd by the great, And sapp'd the strong foundations of the state; Too long have subtle pimps and flatt'rers— Garble. Hold! This mode of pleading, Sir! must be controll'd: This strange recrimination sets aloof All due decorum : Ver. But, my Lord, I've proof, Plain downright proof, I hold it in my hand;— Why ev'ry honest Jury in the land Know H-d-t, H-t-d (barring all lampoons), To be sad gamesters, flatt'rers, and buffoons. When all the world allows it to be just. Gar. Yes, grossly libellous, you know it well, And Scandalum magnatum-false as Hell!* Your client is an universal pest, The rogue has libell'd Me among the rest; Yes-when some blockhead puts me out of tune! That rage for ever flushes in my cheek: * Garble had high authority for his oath. George the Second and the late Chancellor Thurlow were both profane swearers. Queen Elizabeth swore a good round hand; and, by all accounts, her maids of honour could prattle very prettily. Ver. The man is studious, well-inform'd, though young, No Harpy's smile has he, no flatt'rer's tongue; He cannot yet hold decency in sport. But drags the grey impostor forth to sight, Split. Henceforth no sprightly Peer can drink No Justice fall asleep upon the bench,* Gar. As Brother Splitbrain argues-black is white And Truth's a lie, and wrong (in Law !) is right. May this bold-fronted libeller of Kings, * This occurred very recently in the Court of Common Pleas-"Good old Mansfield sometimes nods!" Who talks of worth, and such discarded things; Be taught to know the dignity of vice, |