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So the lady told the story, but her hus much preferable to indifference as a band never did, not being quite sure thick ice is to a little hoar frost. If who gave him the batogs.
this is not enough, hire a companion. He is passionate. – No bad thing. In old times, all families kept a tame Such people, says the Marquis of Hali- knave ; and people in India still think fax, always make amends at the foot of a tame snake lucky in their houses. the account. Be not witty, make no Last of all, take a prying cousin or an replies, and good humour will follow. instructive aunt; then you will have The dew is sweetest and most plentiful a third person to hate, and sufficient in hot climates. M. De Luc always business for you both to remove her carried a lump of sugar in his pocket again. to hold in his mouth when he or his When Sir Tristram returned I gave companions grew angry.
There are him back his schedule laughing, “ I places where quarrelsome people are think,” said I,“ it is but just that this put into cold baths till they cease talk- bundle of consolations should be diviing, but we have not water enough in ded between you. Half of every sheet England. A wife reasoning with an was a blank; and I have filled it with impatient husband is as silly as the such useful hints as my mother's meeglantine in the fable arguing with a morandum-book furnished. Pray study waterfall, when it might have looked them at your leisure, or propose the quietly on and sparkled after the texts and let me adopt the commentasprinkling.
ries." Sir Tristram took his pencil He is proud.—Take comfort-so are merrily and supplied eight subjects, to all hasty men. Whoever is passionate which I arranged and suited these is so partial to himself that he will not consolations. bear contradiction. But if those who She is a shrew.-Very consoling: live with him are patient, his weakness -a shrew is always a good manager will be their strong-hold, for he will let and a little eater. Keep a mischievous nobody else molest them.
dog and a stupid footboy, and her anlle is churlish. -Still there is com ger will never trouble you. Her tongue fort. If he has good sense, it will be is the safety-valve of the steam engine. so often waked by other people's follies, She is too busy.-Better still.
Busy that, like a good house-dog, it must people are apt to be short sighted, which hark a little; and honest Englishmen, preserves 'peace in families. Bees see like their favourite hounds, have a good only an inch before their noses. deal of surliness about them. But, either She talks too much.- 'Tis a better with over much rudeness or excessive fault than sulkiness and never ends so civility, nothing is so useful as quiet ill. An honest gentleman may stop indifference. A flattereris sooner shamed his ears, but he cannot see through a anda rulhan tamed by this than by grand fog. Archbishop Cranmer proposed airs. Besides, what scems peevishness to make a sullen temper a claim for may be sickness. Poets pretend, Pro- divorce, because he thought a silent metheus was sentenced to endure the woman a thing not fit to enter heaven. gnawings of a vulture, but it was, pro “For,” says he, “we are never told bably, a fashionable liver complaint, or that angels hold their tongues. They a stitch in the side. However, let a must be women, for they are always churlish temper alone : nothing good talking or singing.” can be forced from it. The wine squeezed Nobody knows her mind. She is not from grape-stones and husks is always to blame for knowing more than other sour.
people. Woman's mind should never He is indifferent. This is almost an be seen except in profile, for she is inconsolable matter ; but if you think wisest when she shews only half her aversion a better fault, take a particular graces and her thoughts. What should friend into your house. Let her be very we think of a jeweller if he never shut beautiful, poor, and fashionable; or very his windows ? - And as some great man ugly, witty, and eloquent. The first said on a similar occasion, “It proves will take care that he shall know all
she might be trusted with a secret." your faults, and the other that his shall She brings no money.—There is comnever pass unnoticed by you. There fort instead. Next to marrying an will be telegraphs on both sides, and heiress, a pennyless girl is the best, produce a deep, broad, open hatred, as for you may have the credit and au
thority of an obliger, and she the servi. to receive it. For it is to the temper tude of an obligeé.-Most probably, if like oil poured on the sea, not only you please, she will spend your fortune smoothing, but giving it a thousand with more fancy and glee than ten bright colours. It is the most elegant, heiresses.—Only take her far off, or for it requires a polite fancy, the pleayou must marry all her relations.
santest, for it pleases every body, and She is jealous.-A certain cure for all the cheapest, for a little serves the wise. other plagues, because, like Aarons She is nervous.--This is the sum total rod, it swallows them up. Of all the of a wife's defects, and I only know 2,500 diseases acknowledged by physi one consolation. Let her find in her cians, it is the most painful, but the husband's portfolio his horoscope caremost economical. For it spares no fully drawn with an intimation of the time, it heeds no amusement, and takes year when he may become a widower, no food except of its own making. It receive ten thousand pounds from his cures all delight in dress, all love of godmother and marry again. If she feasts and company, and makes all the does not survive the time through spite, senses sharp, except common sense, she will die through fear, and either which it has no concern with.
way will serve. Here my art of conShe loves flattery. Best of all :-it is soling ends, for more must be needless; the cheapest, the pleasantest, and may and I bequeath it to my nephew as the be the most elegant taste-that is, if last part of his godmother's legacy. she knows how to administer as well as
THE IMPERISHABLE ONE.
It was not a vain desire of life, or a efforts were crowned with success. But fear of death, that made me long for though I could summon these spirits immortality; nor was it the cupidity before me, and compel them to give an of wealth, or the love of splendour, or of answer to my enquiries, that was all; pleasure, that made me spend years of I could not, I was sensible, subject anxious study to penetrate into the hid- them entirely to my will without den récesses of nature, and drag forth making on my part certain concessions, those secrets which she has involved in and to ascertain what these were, was an almost impenetrable obscurity; but the object of my first trial. it was the desire of revenge, of deep I fixed on a night for this my first seated and implacable revenge, that essay, and it soon arrived; I repaired urged me on, till by incredible exertion to the spot which I had selected. Its and minute investigation, I discovered secresy was well calculated for my that which it has by turns been the ob- purpose, it was a dark and lonely glen, ject of philosophy to attain, and the but it was rich in romantic beauty aim of incredulity to ridicule-the phi Rocks whose brinks were covered with losopher's stone. And yet I was natu- underwood and wild herbage frowned rally of a mild and compassionate dis- on each side, a few stunted oaks threw position. I had a heart open to the out their roots clinging to the precipice, tenderest and best emotions of our na and an immense elm on one side spread ture; injury heaped on injury, received its wide arms around. The bottom of too, from one whose highest aim ought the area was covered with dark luxuto have been to manifest the gratitude . riant grass, interspersed with wild and which he owed to me, who, in the hour fragrant flowers. At one end a narof danger and adversity, should have row but deep river tumbled its waters been the readiest to offer assistance, has over the precipice, and rushed down, rendered me what I am.
sometimes almost concealed by jutting It is useless to add to the instances fragments of rocks covered with moss of human depravity, I will not relate and plants, which clung to it as for the miseries which I endured. I will protection from the force of the cata. not look back upon the prospects which ract, then again spreading out, and have been blasted by the perfidy
of him dashing its roaring waters along, till whom I thought a friend. Suffice it, it finally vanished under ground in a that they have been such as the soul cloud of mist and foam. shudders to contemplate; such as plant The moon was shining brightly, and ed in my soul a thirst of vengeance, I ascended an eminence which comwhich I brooded over till it became a manded an extensive prospect. On one part of my very existence.
side, wide and fertile plains extended I soon found, that by human means, themselves, spotted at a distance with I had little chance of revenge. My straggling cottages and small hamlets, enemy was powerful and cautious, and bounded with forests, whose dark and all my plans were anticipated and baf- heavy masses contrasted finely with the fled. I determined to have recourse to light of the adjacent landscape. On darker agents. I had been accustomed the right the river rolled its waves in to intense and mysterious study, and I calm windings, between banks of lively knew that there are beings who exer green, adorned with groves and clusters cise an influence over human affairs, of trees, till it terminated in the waterand are themselves likewise in subjec- fall, which dashed far beneath me with tion to the wise and omnipotent Being, a softened murmur. It was a delightwho is the mover of the first springs of ful scene. The sky was beautifully the mighty machine of the universe. I clear, fleecy clouds skimmed over it, knew too, that it was possible to exert lighted up with a silvery lustre that a power over these beings; and hence- they caught from the moon beams, forth I applied the whole force of my whích bursting from behind them as mind to the acquisition of the knows they passed, fell on the waters of the ledge, which would make me the pos- stream and the cataract, and trembled sessor of this power. Ten long years on them in liquid beauty: Waves, I employed for this purpose and my rocks, woods, plains, all glittered in
the lovely rays, and all spoke of peace I gazed with wonder and astonishand harmony;
ment, on the being that stood before me As I gazed on the beauties which in terrible beauty. His figure was tall nature had here scattered with so pro- and commanding, and his athletic and fuse a hand, I heard the distant tinkling sinewy limbs were formed in the most of a sheep-bell. What associations did
exquisite proportions. this slight sound conjure up to me! All His countenance was pale and mathe loved and well-remembered scenes jestic, but marked with the mingled of childhood crowded on my mind. I passions of pride, malice, and regret, thonght of times and of persons that which, we conceive, form the character were fled--of those who were joined to of the rebel Angel; and his dark and me by kindred—who were united by terrible eyes gave a wilder expression friendship, or attached by a tenderer to his features, as they beamed in troupassion. “Again, those short but bliss bled and preternatural brightness from ful moments were present ; perhaps beneath his awful forehead; shaded more blissful, because so short-when with the masses of his raven hair that I had strayed at this same witching curled around his temples, and waved hour with one whose remembrance will down his neck and shoulders; and survive the eternity which I am doomed amongst the jetty locks, the star, as to undergo. When we had gazed with a diadem, blazed clear and steadily. all the rapture of admiration on the Never had I seen aught approaching to works, which attest the power and his grand and unearthly loveliness: I mightiness of providence-had listened saw him debased by the grossness of to the note of the evening songster, and sin, and suffering the punishment of the sighs of the wind among the leaves his apostacy ; yet he was beautiful -and with hearts unstained by one beyond the sons of men. I saw him evil thought or passion, and feeling thus, and I thought what the spirit unmixed with aught unworthy, had must have been before he fell! breathed forth our pure and fervent Our conversation was brief: I wished vows to that Being whose altar is the not to prolong it, for I was sick at sincere bosom, and whose purest, most heart, and his voice thrilled through grateful offering is a tear.
my whole frame. I rejected his offers, The night advanced. It was time strong as was my thirst for vengeance. for me to begin my terrible solemnities. A small glimmering of cool reason I trembled at the thought of what I was which I still retained, prevented me about to do. I hesitated whether to from sacrificing all my hopes of hereproceed, but the hope of revenge still after to the gratification of any pasimpelled me on, and I resolved to pro- sion, however ardent. The demon
persecute my design. It was soon done. ceived that I should escape his toils, The rites were begun; the flame of my and all the wild and ungoverned force lamp blazed clear and bright; I knew of his fiendish nature burst forth; and the moment was approaching when I overcome with fear and horror, I fell should hold communion with beings of senseless on the ground. When I another world : perhaps with the prince awoke, all was still, it was quite light. of darkness himself. I grew faint,
I felt the light breezes sweep over me, a heavy load weighed on my breast, and I heard again the roar of the catamy respiration grew thick and short, ract. I arose and looked round, but my eyes seemed to swell in their sockets, there was nothing to indicate the late and a cold sweat burst from every poré presence of the demon, with whom I of my body. The flame waved_it de had held unhallowed communion. I creased — it went out. The heavens departed from the glen; the sun was were darkened; I gazed around, but just rising, and his rays shining on the the gloom was too great for me to see summits of the lofty and distant hills. any thing. I looked towards the water. The air was sweet and refreshing, and fall, and, amid the mist and obscurity the sky, rich in the glories of the openwhich covered the place of its subter- ing morning, was painted with beautiranean outlet, a star shone with wild ful tints, which blend insensibly with and brilliant lustre. It grew larger, each other, and present so lovely a it approached me- it stopped, and a feast to the eye of one, who loves to brighter radiance was diffused around. study the beauties which nature offers The evil one stood before me.
on every hand and in almost every
prospect. The birds were singing in to me, but I could not enjoy it; I saw the trees; the flowers, which had drooped every thing through a cloud,
The and hung their faded leaves the evening ardent passion of revenge which burnt before, again raised up their heads, in my breast consumed and obliterated enamelled with dew; every thing was every gentle or pleasant feeling. At gentle, beautiful, and peaceful. The another time I should have enjoyed my charm communicated itself naturally situation; I should have beheld the to my disturbed and agitated mind, and seemingly boundless expanse of water for a short time I was calm and serene ; around me, and have felt my soul the headstrong current of my passions expand at the view ; but now I was was checked, and the thought of re altered, and my views of surrounding venge was forgotten.—But I returned objects altered with me. into the world: I found myself an ob î had much trouble to keep concealed, ject, by turns, of scorn and pity, and of for on board of a ship the risks of dishatred. Again I cursed him who had covery were greater, because my absence wrought this wreck of my hopes, and, from the deck, where the other passenagain, was vengeance my only object. gers were accustomed to catch the fresh
I resolved to have no further com sea breeze, though for some time unnomunication with the beings of whom ticed, I feared would in time be remarkI have spoken. I determined, thence- ed, and I might be regarded as a misan. forth, to depend on my own exertions. thrope who detested the society of his I again applied myself to study, and fellow-creatures, which I wished to began to enquire after that secret which avoid equally with any other surmise could bestow immortal life and wealth. which might make me an object of atI sought the assistance of none, but tention. I was standing one evening depended entirely on myself. í la- watching the gradual decline of the sun boured long, and was long unsuccessful. as he sank into the heart of the ocean, I ransacked the most hidden cabinet of which reflected his rays, and the lustre nature. In the bowels of the earth, in of the clouds around him. A sudden the corruption of the grave, in dark- motion of the ship caused me to move ness, and in solitude, I worked with from the spot on which I was gazing, unceasing toil. My body was ema when I observed some one looking ciated, and I was worn almost to a steadily at me. My eye met his-our skeleton, but the vehemence of my pas- souls met in the glance—it was he whom sions supported me. At last, I dis. I had followed with such relentless hacovered the object of my search. It tred. I sprung towards him. I uttered will prove how strongly my mind was some incoherent words of rage. He rivetted on one sole object, when I say, smiled at me in scorn ; “ Madman!" that when I beheld myself possessed of he exclaimed, “ dost thou tempt my boundless riches, and through their rage—be cautious ere it is too lateagency of almost boundless power, you are in my power-one word of mine when the pleasures and temptations of can make you a prisoner; think you the world lay all within my grasp, I that I am ignorant of your proceedings cast not a thought on them or on any against my life-no-every plot, every thing, save the one great object, on the machination is as well known to me as furtherance of which I had bestowed to yourself—you confess it, your eye such unremitting toil of body and mind. says it-seek not to deny it, for this
At this period I learnt that the object time you are safe." He stayed no of my hatred was going abroad, and I longer, but retiring to his cabin, left me lost no time in preparing secretly to too astonished with what I had heard follow him. He shortly departed; and to attempt to detain him. Could it be having, disguised myself, I also com that he had spoken true? was he indeed menced the journey. I was always on so well acquinted with my actions ? the watch for an opportunity when But if so, why had he not disclosed I could surprize my enemy alone; but what he knew, when the civil power I was still unsuccessful. We at last could at once have forfeited my life, arrived at a sea-port town, and it was and deprived him of an enraged foe.determined to proceed by water, and Was it that he hesitated to add to his I entered as a passenger into the same quilt by the death of one whom he had vessel. I had never before been at sea, driven to desperation by his treachery, and the scene was new and astonishing or did some spark of awakening